husband wants to live his own life?

Question

my husband of almost 3 years told me that he feels he married too young and didnt' get to discover life on his own. he had always gone from relationship to relationship, and although we have a great relationship, his feelings for me aren't what they should be, and he wants to end things before we have kids and to be on his own. As much as this hurts me, we are best friends and will stay in each other's lives, and i believe that he needs this time to grow and find out what he needs in his life. I am hoping that as we both grow and he realizes what our relationship really was, that he will reconsider.
There is no other woman, he is very very very focused on his career and being financially successful, and that is what he wants to concentrate on. Does anyone have experience with this? do you think it's possible for us to reunite once we've both grown? No negativity or hurtful answers please...

I believe he isn't interested in anyone else, he always comes home after work (12 hour days 6 days a week) and No he isnt gay. Thanks for being rude people.

Again, he has always sown his wild oats when he was younger. he was never single. he never got to concentrate on him and him alone. am i hurt? hell yes. do i have understanding that some people need to be by themselves and not want to be in a relationship? yes. I had the chance to do that, he didn't. I am 27 and he is 24. we still have great love and respect for each other and i know it was very hard for him to tell me this. So if all you have to go on is that he wants to sleep around and be a slut and doesn't want to have anything to do with me, then i regret posting this question. Maybe you have some growing up to do as well?

Answer 1

Personally, I think that if he wasn't ready he should have taken the initiative and told you and waited longer. I do, on the other hand, think it's very mature of him to admit that he does have some growing up to do. The question I have for you (not necessarily for you to answer me) is it at all possible to grow up together and work through your marriage as you get older? If not, hopefully ya'll can stay close and grow up together as friends. If ya'll do, maybe there will be hope that ya'll could get remarried. It could work out that ya'll figure out who eachother is and realize that the other person is NOT who you're supposed to be with and maybe in this amount of time, you will find the person who you are supposed to be with? Hopefully ya'll will both realize though, that ya'll are supposed to be together and can't live life without your spouse! Good luck, hun!

Answer 2

The M-i-L has crossed the line of responsibility - that's the issue here. I know about relatives meddling in things that don't concern them - and I'm going to be pessimistic here. Waste as little time as possible trying to communicate with this woman. She's almost certainly beyond help. Just give your unworldly wimp of a husband The Ultimatum - keep the M-i-L out of the house, or I leave and take the baby with me! (P.S: Predictably I feel the need to add that there's nothing wrong as such with giving a baby a suppository. In fact, for reasons I've well-documented, if the baby is constipated it's the best thing to do!)

Answer 3

First, I want to tell you I've been married for over 16 years. Every single marriage goes through ups, downs, ins and outs. The secret to success is not about avoiding the changes, but how to deal with them but still get through in one piece.

I'm not sure how your personal time at home is together. But, based upon your description of a focused, financially successful person, it seems that he has two focuses, family and work. He may just be expressing his need to get some "me" or alone time. A chance to hang out with friends or just maybe relax on his own. Offer the ability for a few hours a week, or daily time where he just gets to do whatever he wants to do. The thing is it is scheduled and consistent. Even the best of friends still need some alone time.

The thing is that you want to grow, grow up together, and still have a way of supporting each other. If you think of time as money do you want to throw away the years you've spent together just to start totally new? Especially if you do NOT have differences that are DRASTIC or impossibble to overcome?

One last piece, you should talk it over with someone you consider impartial and important enough to you e.g. a pastor, or important neighbor or whoever and get their input as well. In the ancient times people talked with the village elders about recommendations. In our global village, u have to find someone u need to substitute for the village elder.

Answer 4

after 3 years of marriage most usually people's feelings do change, I was married 12 yrs before getting a divorce. I do not feel that you should divorce just so he can experience what he missed out on, What I do feel the both of you should do at this point is get some marriage counseling, and try to adapt your role as being a wife into being his support for focusing on his career. but in turn, he needs to realize that a career is not as important as your wife or family, there was a reason that he felt he should marry you over 3 years ago, he needs to be reminded within himself of the feelings that he had back then that posed him to marry you, sounds to me like he let his job get in the way of his feelings, and hopefully a good counselor will bring that out in him. I wish you both luck, and if you can, try not to divorce.

Answer 5

What I have seen is that most of these types of breakups do not reunite. Usually the person who was dumped eventually finds someone else and moves on.

Usually the person who dumps someone because they did not know how they felt does not go back to their past love. They usually delve deeper into their work and also eventually meet someone else. They might regret their past decision, but going back never seems to be the right answer.

In other words, if the relationship was strong enough in the first place, it would not have ended. Sorry, but it is unlikely that you will reunite, but you will meet someone else and it will be even better.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 6

I think your husband is still a child, not mature enough to carry on a marriage and really doesnt knwo himself and doesnt give the right value to emotional things and doesnt know what wants in life...
Most of men are like that, dont get mature, are always foolish! and the only goal is get fun! When realize it was just an illusion, its too late!
I had a relation like that some year ago... the same as you..dont need to tell what happen then...:(
I think, that time i deserved better than this and it was true!

Good luck:)

Answer 7

i don't think 27 and 24 consider young, if you are married you should be responsible to your spouse.
i was married at the age of 19 and he 21 and am happily married for the past 20 yrs.
maybe his love for single life is stronger than his love for you!
anyway i wish you all the best, hopefully you both can get back togather

Answer 8

Dear girl, it's over. His focus is on the wrong thing first. You should be the first in his life. The fact that you aren't is the telling tale. Maybe there isn't anyone else but he's just not that into you either. Sorry

Answer 9

i suppose that eventually you could both get back together again. however, someone who wants to experience life on their own will probably not come around. my hubby is really great on the financial side of things: paying the bills, working, school so he can advance at work, and getting promotions so he can make more money. however, on the husband/father side of his life, he sucks. that's why he's getting a divorce for Christmas.

Answer 10

"didnt' get to discover life on his own" - that mean simply that he want to date a lot of different girls before he get married. Maybe he want to do that now - that is so dangerous for your relationship if he goes dating now. He sound like he is VERY restless, and feel trapped in your marriage. When a man feel like this he like explosive - very unstable and look at other girls now.

"i believe that he needs this time to grow and find out what he needs in his life" - You say this having belief that he will come back to you after dating many women. I am so sorry for you, but when a man sample many women in dating, one of them may catch his heart and he will go with her for years. I think he not come back, but I may be wrong. Other women will see he successful, and will FIGHT to keep him and please him. If you want him come back, you may have to competition with other woman who gives him much sex and tenderness - because she knows how man likes that.

I feel you must let him go, because now he go anyway. Do not try stop him, or he hate you for clinging. If he grows, he may grow away from you, or perhaps he will return. Very very not certain.

But how many years will he be away during? Do you stop your life for years and no see other men? Then you may have empty life as you wait for him return... and you will regret empty time when you are older. Life must be filled with love and caring, life too short for wait and hope.

====HUGS==== :)