Let me start off saying I love my inlaws very much. They've always treated me like family, even when hubby & I were just dating. We're preggers with our 2nd baby & we have an ultrasound to find out the sex. Hubby works in the family business & I want him to be there with me, so I brought up the utrasound appt to see if he could get off. MIL quips up & invites herself to go with us. I was too shocked to say anything. Hubby is happy as a clam and says "Sure!". I wanted this moment to be just me, him & our daughter. We are bringing a tape to record & share with the rest of the family. So why can't MIL find out with everyone else & let us have our moment? I feel like she has over-stepped several boundaries over the course of our relationship...she disinvited MY family from my dd's 1st birthday. She made a Dr appt for my hubby when I clearly told her I had things handled & I would make the appt after talking with him. She came to the appt with us. I felt like she was undermining me.
2007-12-19 03:03:24 · 23 answers · asked by Green Is Sexxxy 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
She has MS and if she gets upset, it could cause a major flair up which may or may not be permanent. So I bite my tongue and deal with it. But how long am I supposed to just put up with things?!
2007-12-19 03:05:51 · update #1
She also said she doesn't like the name we chose for our 2nd child if it's a girl. She has stated she will call her by the middle name instead. Um HELLO?! Who's the one having the baby?
2007-12-19 03:19:48 · update #2
Don't use her MS as an excuse. She's over stepping her boundaries. And once she starts, it will get easier & easier for her to do so. Once the baby is born, she'll do it even more. Especially if she can get away with it. Tell her your doctor won't allow it. That there isn't enough room in the exam room or a policy or don't give her a reason, just the doctor said no.This is your moment and your husbands. Don't let guilt or whatever make you do something you don't want to do. It's your pregnancy and baby. She's had hers. Now it's your time. Even if you liver her dearly, you'll soon start feeling differently if you keep allowing these things to happen. Trust me, once that baby is born, she'll do more things that will drive you nuts and undermine you. I speak from personal experience.
2007-12-19 03:17:05 · answer #1 · answered by MoonPie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's overstepping. And while her health concerns may be legitimate, there may also be some sense that she knows she can push *just* a little farther because she's viewed as fragile.
I'd be direct. "MIL, I love you and so much appreciate everything you do for us, but the ultrasound is a private moment for me and Hubby. We'll call you the second we know the gender, and we'll play you the video that night. But it's important for us to do this as parents, together. I hope you'll understand."
It's polite, it's firm and it's true.
Before you bring this up, I'd talk it over with your Hubby. He needs to have your back on this one, and you both need to stand together.
My in-laws are incredibly manipulative people - not bad, just twisted. They got really good at dividing my husband and I in our early years of marriage. Now we try to anticipate everything and have responses worked out in advance. It saves a lot of grief.
Because if your husband isn't on board with booting Mom off the guest list, it will only spiral into more drama.
2007-12-19 03:21:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Without saying 'overstepping her bounds'...
Give her a call and tell her that you had planned to let the daughter announce to the family (like at Christmas) the gender of the new baby -- and that you are really excited to let her do that. While you are 'so tickled' that she wants to be invited to the real moment, you had invisioned sharing the news in a different way.
"Nancy,
You know how excited little Emily is about the new baby, and about being involved in getting ready for him or her. I had promised her that SHE could be the one to tell you all whether the baby is a boy or a girl, and she is SO excited. I know you would love to go to the ultrasound with us, but that would spoil the announcement for Emily. Would you help us let her do that? I know you would love to be the first to know, so I'll be sure that Emily tells you first, but I want her to be able to. We'll play the tape a hundred times for you as soon as we get home."
** OR, reschedule the appointment for a different day, (tell her that the doctors office called YOU to reschedule) and have the husband just take that time off for a 'regular' appointment. **
2007-12-19 03:13:45 · answer #3 · answered by Sue 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She should not have invited herself. I personally have invited my MIL to ultrasounds because I know how happy it made her, and my husband. I had my mom there too. I personally would let her go, but then tell your husband she needs to be invited before announcing she's going to anything else. Or you could tell her that the doctor said the room is too small for another person and you will show her the tape, and leave it at that. You dont want her inviting herself into the delivery room and then if you dont want her there it would turn into drama. You and your hubby should discuss all this now.
2007-12-19 03:07:23 · answer #4 · answered by Melissa 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
talk with your husband tonight first of all about how you feel, and discuss together how you would like it to be handled. i have a mil that is the same way, very involved! not that i dont apprieciate her and love her, it can get annoying. tell her that you wanted the ultrasound to be just a thing with you your hubby and child, and that you promise she will be the first to find out or something. what i did in this situation was i told my mil that she could pick out the going home outfit in trade for being there for the birth(she was there with the first, kinda creepy!) how you handle it is your own choice, but good luck
2007-12-19 03:16:20 · answer #5 · answered by Kayla C 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A little of both.
I would have given anything for my MIL to want to come to my ultrasounds like that. So you should be and Im sure in a way you are happy that shes just as excited as you are but to go to the point of inviting her self with out asking first is definitely overstepping. But you said your Husband seemed quite happy about his mom coming...this puts you in a harsh spot.
Id say the best thing and probably the only thing is talk to your husband and tell him you want it just you him and your daughter and although your flattered you MIL wants to come you would like for her to find out like everyone else. Than together go and talk to your MIL. If a compromise has to be made tell her its no problem to tag along but the room is restricted to just your hubby and daughter!
Good luck
2007-12-19 03:13:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
She is overstepping her obstacles. actual. you want your hubby's help to handle this. tell your m.i.l. which you may want to handle this inner maximum. she would be in a place to get the message. Say not something greater. Say it immediately and close up at that element. There must be a silence when you're saying it. that's amazingly effectual. What which potential, she is bowled over. that's what you want. The message percolates by to her. After some seconds, she would be in a place to the two furnish a proof or exhibit regret - if she is a first rate man or woman. it could seem that she is a first rate man or woman. something greater, must be dealt with by potential of your hubby. that's the place his help is needed. He ought to in fact flow alongside with your desires because of the fact he respects you, loves you and sees that that's the two yours and his infant and no person else's. with regard to the naming the newborn bit - this has long previous too some distance. you need to placed a cease on your m.i.l. meddling.
2016-10-02 02:52:49 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she's overstepping and using her MS as an excuse to do so. You need to speak up. If you don't start to stand up for yourself then this will go on forever...
You need to say something like "Well, DH must not have been thinking when he told you yes. We already had something planned out- it is to be immediate family only then we will share the news with everyone afterward because we are recording it." Something polite that will give her the hint that she is not supposed to be included in this event. You should also tell DH to stand up for you on this one.
Good luck!
2007-12-19 03:12:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think she thinks she is justtrying 2 be helpful but going on granny over-drive..
I know how u feel my mum thot/assumed she was going 2 be there when i was in labour...n i had 2 tell her gently that if i needed her id phone her i think it is an intimate experience n its u n ur husbands moment as it took 2 of u 2 make it n i understand how u feel but i think u need 2 put ur foot down now bt obviously in a nice way b4 she gets 2/more involved..
Tell her that ur husband can make the scan bt if any thing changes ul let her know..Thats all u need 2 say.
2007-12-19 03:14:08 · answer #9 · answered by spinklet 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
so she made the appt, if u dont want to say anything to her, then ur guy should! thats what i do to my bf...since its his mom HE can tell set her straight. lol But u know what u have to get used to it, cause once their are kids involved the inlaws get crazy. thats what im dealing with now! My MIL is taking a week off of work when i have my baby, even though i mentioned several times i will be staying with my mother. ugh
2007-12-19 03:09:31 · answer #10 · answered by Lils 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋