Silent tears fall like rain
Trying to cover up the pain
His effort all in vain
People starting to see his pain
He hides his face in shame
Abolished in the rain
I don't know when I wrote this but is it Good, Bad, somewhere in the middle?
2007-12-19 02:36:56 · 5 answers · asked by RZ (LPPBS) 4 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
It is good I really like it
My only suggetion is to try to see if you can extend it so that it is a longer poem and describs more
2007-12-19 06:14:46 · answer #1 · answered by Nikki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With no disrespect at all, PAIN is "never" truly silent, or invisible, to US or others in their perceptions.
I can equate tears and rain, to a "cleansing" however.
I am confused about the word abolished.
It's not strictly appropriate to judge out of context, but I offer this analogy.
On a good day, if I break even, I'm ahead.
Steven Wolf
2007-12-19 02:47:56 · answer #2 · answered by DIY Doc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
awesome you have real passion and yeah most of us guys do try to hide our pain but some show
2007-12-19 02:53:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is good. you got something for poetry. sumbit it to poetry .com and see what the think about it. i write poetry as well and sometimes it just comes out of nowhere and it is what you feel.
2007-12-19 02:47:55 · answer #4 · answered by evil 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it:)
2007-12-19 02:53:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋