Should a woman wait for her cheating husband to come back to her?

Question

I have a situation where a friend caught her husband cheating with a girl from his work. When he got caught he decided that he wanted a divorce. They have been married for 17 years with 3 kids, 2 grown up. The woman believes that god will bring them back together, but he has made it clear that it is over and he continue to talks to this girl from work, who is now pregnant with twins and not by him. She lives with her boyfriend and has a 1 year old already. It has been months and they are still not even at a friend level for the sake of the kids. He has not filed for the divorce although he wants one and she will not file for divorce. I tell her to file for the divorce but she thinks that god will bring them back together? What do you think about that? How should I give her anymore advise when she calls asking for it?

Answer 1

Are they covenant spouses? If so, then God will restore their marriage. Despite what the divorce papers say, they are married for life in God's eyes. Jesus said remarriage is adultery. It sounds like your friend is standing for her husband and his salvation. Please pass along the links I listed below for support in standing for her marriage.

Please check out Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp. They have a restored marriage after being divorced for about two years. They have a website and send devotionals everyday encouraging men and women to stand for their marriage and their spouse's salvation. Check out their archives.
https://rejoiceministries.org/devotion.php

I highly recommend that you sign up for Doreen's Devotionals called Doreen's Daily Delights.. These are awesome. http://marriagerestorationministries.org/

Here's another website for people standing for their marriages. http://www.faithandmarriage.com/

Check out Jimmy and Karen Evans. They have a weekly tv show that discusses marriage. Their shows are on the internet that you can watch. Jimmy is excellent. Jimmy gives very practical guides on how to have a successful marriage. http://www.marriagetoday.org/

Also check out this link concerning divorce and remarriage. I think you will be surprised. Many churches are blinded to the truth and even encourage people to divorce. Satan is tearing the church and marriages apart.
http://www.biblicalresearchreports.com/divorceandremarriage.php#hatedivorce

Answer 2

Well, you already said all there is to say about leaving. If she doesn't file, then both of them are prevented from marrying anyone else.

If he is the one that wants a divorce, why doesn't HIS cheating, lazy azz file?

And maybe there are financial reasons for her and him not filing? No one ever knows the full story with a married couple and what goes on behind closed doors. Life gets more expensive when they have to live on their own.

But the game he is playing, 2 can play that game. And she can simply get involved in church, work, and other activities LIKE a single person, and leave him there basically as a roommate that she shares a last name with. Even take vacations by herself without informing him.

lol. If that was me I'd be causing all KINDS of trouble...lol...having guy friends over to watch movies, getting dressed all sexy and heading out without saying anything to him...

This assumes she is in good shape still...maybe he is cheating cause she did what a lot of married women do, catch a guy, get comfortable, and put on 50+ pounds? If so, she need to stop using energy on him and get herself to the gym pronto! Not for him, but for herself and the guys that might volunteer to replace him!

lol.

And yes, some guys do go through a phase. What god has brought together, let no man pull asunder. If she wants to stay married, that is her choice. the vows say for better or worse. Cheating is a religiously permissible reason to get a divorce, but nowhere does it say she MUST divorce. she is within her rights to choose to stay. Her life, let her live it. Her bed, let her lie in it. Something is worth them staying together, even if it's just money, or they would not still be together.

Maybe she just wants him to drop dead and still be the wife so she can collect the benefits, you never know.

Answer 3

Hi, she's going through a very difficult situation at the moment. Her self esteem is rock bottom too. I suppose after 17 years it's hard for her to realise it's over and if he did come back, she'd live a life of paranoia. You're a good friend by trying to help her as much as possible. The best thing you can do is never bag him out as she'll always defend him. Keep up what your doing by being there for her. BUT, the best revenge is a Make-Over. Trust me. If you take her to the hairdressers, get her a whole new look. Go shopping with her for a new outfit. This is a start on getting her confidence back and he won't know what hit him. He sounds like he's going through a crisis of his own that doesn't really lead to a future so I wouldn't be suprised if he tries to go back to her. The trust has now gone. She needs to concentrate on loving herself and her kids. She now has a chance of true happiness

Answer 4

Your friend obviously has not accepted the grim situation of her marriage and refuses to do so. This may be a way she finds easier for her to deal with it. There is nothing you can do other than just to provide her the love and support she needs right now. As far as advice, next time she asks you for advice, continue to give it to her. Even though it appears she is not listening now, deep down eventually she will. It is obvious there was something more wrong in the marriage than you or any outsider is able to see. Her husband did not leave because of this other girl, he left because he was not happy. There were problems in the marriage, and from what it sounds like, your friend has a way of living in a state of denial. Because of this, the problems were never worked on. Anyone who does nothing other than simply sit back and wait for God to intervene in some miracle way to fix things in living in a dream world. While God does work in mysterious ways, God helps those who help themselves.

Answer 5

It sounds like she won't listen to you if you tell her to leave him, and it probably doesn't matter how many people tell her, or how they say it. She's not going to listen. What she really needs is your support. Try telling her you're around to listen to her problems, and sympathize with her, and that she can come talk to you. Telling her something she's not going to listen to and she simply doesn't believe will not work and could just start fights between the two of you.
After he simply doesn't come back she'll get the idea that he doesn't want to be with her anymore. At this time she'll need your support.
He might come back to his wife once he gets sick of his floozie on the side. Simply because he knows his wife is a sure thing, and the pregnant chick with a boyfriend is not.
This would not be a good situation, but when it comes to relationships people make up their own minds and no matter what someone else says, they're going to do what they FEEL is best for them, even if it's not what's REALLY best for them.

Answer 6

This is a tough situation for you to be in. Obviously this is your friend and you care about her. My question is why is she continuing to ask for your advice if her belief is that God is going to bring them back together. I'd just say to her, "I care about you, I love you, but you know what I think. I think you should file for divorce but you're feeling God will bring you two back together. So I can no longer give you advice on this because." All you can do after that is just listen to her as she unloads her pain.

Answer 7

I think that she is caught up in a whirl wind of emotions and she is in denial. Her husband has rejected her, and left her for another woman. These are all revalations she's going to have to come up with on her own, however...and forcing her to see the truth isn't going to help her at this point.

Unfortunately, she's reached out to religion to help her, but she's looking for the wrong things. Instead of using God to find the strengh to move on, she's using her faith in God as a crutch to continue down this path.

The word of God is very harsh towards adultery and aldulterers, and can be very healing in relation to it's victims. God understands that these acts take place, and goes as far as to allow sanctioned divorce. Most churches have strong support systems in place for victims of adultery, and examples of God's belief in personal strength are cataloged again and again in the Bible.

The answers that she needs can be found in the word of God. The answers to the questions she's currently searching for, however, cannot.

Answer 8

You appear like this type of gem of a individual. It might be unbelievable should you forgave him for dishonest right away. There are some holes on your story although. If he thinks you caught him dishonest, how did YOU supposedly capture the STD from him? Definitely, you could have already forgiven him and had intercourse with him so as to catch an STD from him? Except, he fairly has been dishonest on you all along and this is why he is so rapid to feel HE gave you the STD. That appears unrealistic, for the reason that you look like this kind of quality wife and "he makes a lot of money." What would be improper?

Answer 9

Just be there for her as a friend, you may not be able to change her mind, but at least you can listen to her and help her through this emotionally. 17 years and 3 kids is a lot of history, she needs time. Eventually she will see that it is over and then will need all the friends she can get.

Answer 10

not even god will bring a man back to her if he is already gone..she needs to realize that there were already problems in the marriage if he decided to seek his affections else where. why does your friend want this man? yes there is 17 years of marriage, but he does not want her anymore, just because he is not filing for divorce does not mean anything, even if he does not get with that other girl, from what you say, apparently he does not want her anymore, why put yourself through more pain, humiliation..so one for a man? she really needs to get counciling either from a professional. i would suggest her pastor, but i feel that he would give her hope in a failed marriage..
alls you can do is stand beside her in her time of need...
good luck..

Answer 11

I hate to hear of situations like this one. But as easy it is for me or you to tell her to move on with her life and forward with a divorce, she has to make that decision on her own. My advice is just to support her emotionally as much as you can. If she believes in GOD and believes that he will bring them back together than let her faith guide her. You didn't mention whether or not she was pursuing her husband so if she is then help her not to do that. He deserves bad things.