I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 15 YEARS I LOVE MY HUSBAND BUT I HATE MY IN LAWS THEY HAVE DONE EVERYTHING IN THEIR POWER TO MAKE TROUBLE FOR US BUT I FEEL BAD THAT IF HE TALKS TO ME ABOUT ONE OF THEM I JUST GO NUMB I DO DEAL WITH HIS MOM AND DAD BUT THAT IS AS FAR AS IT GOES I HAVE A VERY BIG PROBLEM FORGIVING WELL SHOULD I SAY FORGETTING WHAT THESE PEOPLE HAVE PUT US THROUGHT EVEN OUR CHILD
2007-12-19 02:25:02 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Since you are married for 15 years and your husband loves you just as you love him , it's great.There are very few who have similar married life as couple.So far as your in laws are concerned , please don't ever into an argument with them.They are a gang you can't get rid of completely.I am sure your husband feels very uncomfortable when any such confrontation arises.
I suggest, please maintain sufficient distance from them.Don't either give any cognizance to what they say .Just try to stay away from them.
2007-12-19 02:39:56 · answer #1 · answered by bikashroy9 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness is tough. Many people talk about it, but very few actually can carry it out. Haven't you hear the old saying that carrying a grudge is like taking poison and hoping to kill your enemy? Why do you not feel a sense of victory? For example, if, for 15 years, they have been trying to ruin your marriage-didn't work, you win! Or, for 15 years, they have been demeaning you and interfering in your life-but you still enjoy your life, your husband, and are happy-didn't work, you win! The only way that they can get to you is if you continue to allow it. Without knowing the details, all I can tell you is that you should-as an act of love for your Husband-dig deep, and find a way to tolerate his family. You don't have to like them, you don't even have to interact with them, but I assume your husband has been a good man to you, he has been faithful to you, and I will also assume that you love him very much. Decide in your mind that as an act of love and sacrifice for him, because he deserves it, you will tolerate your in-laws. This does not mean you condone their behavior or that you won't confront what you need to confront. This does mean that you recognize that his family is the only family he has, and you love him-so you will not force him to choose between you and them-he already has done that 15 years ago. Pray for them, and over time, you will see changes. Hate is never a good emotion to allow into your bones, hate brings bitterness, and bitterness brings misery. Even if they deserve your hate, again, as an act of love for him, find a way to turn your hate into tolerant dislike. You will feel better if you can find a way to do that, too. Think about if your in-laws read your question-wouldn't they be laughing it up right now, knowing they have gotten you, that you are miserable because of them-isn't that what they want? So, if you want to give them that victory rather than take it away, continue on the path you are on. But, by learning to tolerate them in spite of your feelings, your husband will love you all the more!!
2007-12-19 10:41:20 · answer #2 · answered by Daisy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, if you live near them then I guess you're in a very difficult situation. They sound very protective of their son and maybe a bit jealous that he's happy with you. Your situation is very common, so you're not alone. You need to be honest with your husband and express how you feel. Don't make it personal, just concentrate on how they make you feel. You'll never forget what they've done to you, but try to create your own haven. Even a special room in the house just for you. You'll only get through this with your husbands support. Otherwise you'll always feel it's 3 against 1. Try not to even talk about them to your friends. The more energy you send out to them the more drained and unhappy you'll become. Concentrate on you. They will back off eventually. Never show that you're annoyed or unhappy infront of them as it gives them power. Smile through it and then you've won. It'll be hard at first to do this, but after a couple of attempts it will become second nature. You can do this.
2007-12-19 10:40:14 · answer #3 · answered by celfone71 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are not wrong but you need to let go. make a game of it, see how long you can tolerate things before heating up.
kill them with kindness, be busy if they need you for something and never say anything bad to your husband, if you must vent to him about them make it as positive as possible or talk to a friend that will understand your view.
breathe.......... and good luck
2007-12-19 10:44:58 · answer #4 · answered by MrsMagee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can love your husband but hate his family. I think that's quite common. Try to only see them on holidays. Maybe even move a little farther away.
2007-12-19 10:29:44 · answer #5 · answered by The Naughty Librarian 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like to me your husband is a wimp if he continues to let his parents make trouble in your family life.
2007-12-19 10:29:55 · answer #6 · answered by CatNip 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A Christian person would not hold a grudge. You do not have to call them every day or be best friends with them, but to hold on to the resentment is wrong!!
2007-12-19 10:29:36 · answer #7 · answered by IH8TomBrady 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Seriously now, I would tell him to shut the hell up, I don't want to hear a damn word about his parents and there's no love loss from me.
2007-12-19 10:34:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't forgive and move on, you will always have to deal with the pain they cause you and that will be your biggest tribute to them. Live free of this,,,forgive them.
PS: Please next time use periods and commas,,,
2007-12-19 10:34:17 · answer #9 · answered by KingDavid 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i don't know what they've done, but you should probably try to let it go.
a fresh start is so much better than holding a grudge.
2007-12-19 11:24:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋