If a spouse is on marijuana, and the other spouse does not feel comfortable with that, should they divorce? He promised her he would stop, but went back to it years later. She is concerned that it is ruining his health and he's becoming psychologically depend on the substance. She's also concerned that one day the cops may surprise him and bust him at the house. If it was legalized she wouldn't feel so much anxiety about the whole thing. what's your thoughts?
2007-12-19 01:57:06 · 17 answers · asked by PJ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If the spouse remains with the pot head and he gets busted, their assets can be seized, leaving both of them impoverished.
Marijuana has more powerful toxins than tobacco and anyone that thinks this is not affecting their health is in denial or has been duped.
The spouse of this addict must decide for them self if they want to stay and help him through this (if he has any desire at all to change -- otherwise she is wasting her time) or go on. Only she should make that choice, no one here is qualified to decide that for her.
2007-12-19 02:17:54 · answer #1 · answered by go2seek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally don't think marijuana is a huge deal but obviously it is still illegal regardless of what I or anyone else thinks. I just think there are much worse of drugs out there and that at least it's not cocaine or crystal meth. I assume when you met him that he already had been a smoker because you said that he promised you he'd stop. So you knew where he stood when you went into this? Unless I'm wrong and missed something.
Either way, if it's a deal breaker for you, then it's worth discussing and trying to figure out what the best way to go about it is. Have you asked him to go to counseling/rehab? I think that you should start there and if he shows NO interest and chooses his marijuana over you, then you have your answer. But I don't believe in divorce unless you've exhausted all other options. Talk to him, suggest he gets help and that you do it together, and go from there.
Best of luck!
** ADD **
As long as a person has their priorities straight, it's not that big of a deal if they smoke marijuana in moderation. I have people I know that smoke every day and they are in fact potheads. They have no goals, they sit home, some don't work, and they just live each day waiting to get high. Other people I know go to work each day, have real jobs/careers, they smoke after work just like someone would drink a beer after work or a glass of wine. They take care of their priorities first and then smoke marijuana as their way of relaxing at the end of the day. As long as you go to work, pay your bills, take care of your family.....to each their own.
2007-12-19 10:08:37 · answer #2 · answered by Momto2inFL 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex smoked marijuana but told me he'd stop when we had our daughter. He did stop marijuana- but moved on to harder things. While I'm not completely opposed to marijuana use (I think it should be legalized) I don't use it and I don't like people using it around my kids- and I think that, in some circumstances if not properly monitored, it can lead into worse things.
Divorce may not be the answer, though. Try counseling. If counseling can't help you, then get out- he obviously has little respect for you or your feelings.
2007-12-19 10:02:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just because it would protect your husband ( yes my eyeballs are rolling with disgust ) to have marijuana legalized ..would not change the FACT that YOU are in here asking if it would be ok to divorce him because he is using dope ( marijuana is called dope because that is what using it produces.. a dope ) . In NO WAY should this harmful drug be legalized so you can feel a bit more comfortable.. . It is obviously NOT good and it is harming your own husband and YOU have watched it do so..so do NOT advocate legalization of it.
So..your husband appears addicted to it. Now what?
In good times..in bad times .. in sickness and in health... for better for worse. What you do teaches your children.
2007-12-19 10:40:49 · answer #4 · answered by BelieverinGod 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please go back up and re-read Deanri's answer, because she is 100% correct and deserves Best Answer.
That said, I honestly do not think it would be a deal breaker for me under the circumstances you describe. What would be the killer is if using it threatened a career. Both my wife and I work in professional careers in which, if we came up positive on a random drug screen (which both our employers conduct), we could lose our jobs. This could be financially devastating to our family. However, it doesn't sound like that's a consideration for you, since you don't mention it.
So, decide if it's a deal breaker. If it's not, find a place of acceptance with it.
2007-12-19 10:14:00 · answer #5 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest some counseling first. If he is addicted to smoking pot there isn't much you can do about that. He will have to admit he has a problem and seek help. Unfortunately we cannot change people or their behaviors. If he is willing to get some help and quit smoking pot then you should stick by him. Encourage him and support him. If he is not willing to change then you have to decide if you can live with this or not. I would also suggest praying for your husband. We may not be able to change the people that we love, but God definitely can.
2007-12-19 10:11:30 · answer #6 · answered by faith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He lied... So... YES. He PROMISED he would stop and has gone back to it. For me, it would be the getting busted part... Because you loose everything... They can take the house, the cars, pretty much most of your life. That right there is pretty hard to start over from...
As far as divorce goes, I would straight up tell him that it is that or me, his choice... But he can't have both.
2007-12-19 10:02:56 · answer #7 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone has "deal-breakers" that they know in their mind that they will not accept. Some people put up with things that other people cannot imagine tolerating, it's all up to you. If this is something that you will not tolerate then you need to let him know that, that he has to choose you or the drug. But be prepared for his choice. If it's not a deal-breaker for you, then I suggest that you find a way to tolerate it because you can't make someone change and it sounds like he doesn't want to.
2007-12-19 10:02:28 · answer #8 · answered by Deanrijo 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The spouse should really consider her feelings and try to get help, separately or together.
2007-12-19 10:02:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh come on it's just pot, don't freak out and get a divorce! But if your feel he is not taking your feelings into consideration that is grounds for an argument, but divorce.......I think you are over reacting
2007-12-19 10:07:24 · answer #10 · answered by MJ 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋