I have always been very attracted to women, and I am in my first gay long-term relationship. Even being gay myself, I can't shake off the feeling that something is wrong with me. I keep asking myself, why do I have to be gay? Why is it me who is gay? as if it is an illness of sorts. I have not come to terms with this aspect of myself. I sometimes wish I was straight, and I sometimes wish I didn't think like that and could just accept myself. How can I get over my self-loathing homophobia? Needless to say, my family does not accept it, many people from my childhood do not accept it, and I don't really have any gay people in my circle, except for my girlfriend. What should I do to get over it, and feel like it's ok to be gay?
2007-12-19 01:31:45 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Dear people of the web, thank you so much, this is all so helpful. So do many gay people go through the same experience?
2007-12-19 03:38:18 · update #1
Other people have mentioned getting out and getting some gay friends and I think this is a good idea. Is there a support group near you? A lesbian softball team? Trust me, you don't have to be good at softball to join the team. Is there a GLBT center or club in your town that you could join or a place you could volunteer? Check out places like feminist political groups, liberal/hippie/pagan shops, or Women's Studies classes.
Also, I would suggest reading. A LOT of reading. You are certainly not alone. I work for a GLBT library, so if you need book suggestions I can give you any topic. Reconciling being gay with being Christian - please I have a list a mile long. Not fitting into GLBT stereotypes - I have that. Not seeing anyyone like you in the mainstream media - I know the best GLBT films and fiction out there. The more you explore the world, the more you will realize that 1) you are not the only **** 2) to feel this way and 3) you can feel better about yourself by becoming someone who is smart and active and proud of herself. Email me off site (just at @yahoo.com to my user name) if you want some book recommendations.
2007-12-19 02:58:30 · answer #1 · answered by dani_kin 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I struggle with that as well. Not so internalized, and I have lived in huge gay meccas. But I don't really self-identify with the gay community as a whole. You really only need yourself to be happy. Not everyone will love you just because you are related to them. And from where I am standing you don't necessarily need to be a part of the community as a whole either. I don't wish I was str8, women boggle my mind and my str8 friends complain so much. Gay men are so lucky in that way, men are pretty basic to understand. Just sounds like you need more time, and maybe positive reinforcement. I would assume that your self loathing is a bit deeper than you think it is. We all want to fit in and be 'normal', most of use never will be. You have to associate with people who see you as something more than a lesbian. I am a lot more than a gay man. What one does in the bedroom is a really a private matter. Who are you really? What are your dreams and aspirations for your future? You obviously are not focusing on that enough. Don't get stuck in the trap of letting your sex life rule your life, it's a small part of who you are. I'm sure you have dreams and goals you had as a kid for yourself, you can still do all those things:)
2007-12-19 01:45:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
The best way to get over your homophobia is to hang out with more people who are like you. Develop a good core group that includes other lesbians aswell as some gay men. You are experiencing these doubts concerning your sexuality because of the society we are all brought up in that ingranes in us that gay is bad and straight is good. It is difficult to over come those tendencies (homophobic) but it is possible. Good luck. It is just something we all must go through.
2007-12-19 03:28:15 · answer #3 · answered by Daniel A 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree. Meet other gay people. It helps a lot. Sometimes I don't hang out in the gay community much and am lacking in gay company and it does affect me. I find that I need my "gay fix", just to feel I am around friends and I am okay. It can feel alienating being the only lesbian in a world of str8 people. You are lucky you have a nice girlfriend. I wish I was that fortunate. I am looking for that special woman.
I don't know what to say about your family. It isn't easy. Hopefully they will come to accept you. My family accepts me but as my mom says she doesn't "really understand me". Friends are less of a problem. Get new ones. I have no friends left from childhood. Not because of me being lesbian, just because we have all moved on and I don't live in my hometown anymore. All my peers at school knew I was gay from about age 13 and they treated me like garbage for years, taunting me and calling me names. I never had any time for them. It may be hard, but you have to move on and make a new life for yourself, whatever way you can. Best wishes xx
2007-12-19 01:53:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I go through similar things but at the same time I cant imagine myself any different.
You just have to know that in every persons life, wether gay or straight, there will be obsticales and thoughts that will bring you down, it is a balance in life, positive and negative. You know who you are and what you like, the rest you just have to leave it alone and let itself sort out.
And just remember, LOVE is never wrong, so just follow your heart.
All the best
2007-12-19 01:56:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Man, that really stinks.
I don't see how anyone can say that being gay is a "choice" when it comes with so much baggage.
Sorry you feel that way, I really hope you work out your problems.
Look around on the internet, you're bound to run into some support groups and stuff.
2007-12-19 01:38:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I would recommend getting involved with local LGBT organizations and meeting others. It can be a long hard journey to feel right when so many are telling you that you aren't but they are wrong.........there is NOTHING wrong with you, the way you feel and who you are, you had about as much choice in the matter as you did about your eye colour.
2007-12-19 01:38:41 · answer #7 · answered by Cathryn 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
when you met some gay people and talk to them and make friends, you will realize that they are the same as any other friends
2007-12-19 02:13:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just get to know more Gay people and you'll realize that they're alright people too...
2007-12-19 01:35:04 · answer #9 · answered by clint 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋