Hubby, has ex wife of 16 years. Hubby has current wife for 10 years. Hubby has family who only wants to be around ex wife. Hubby and ex have one child who is 20 years old. Ok, Hubby and family want ex wife to come stay with his sister for a week for christmas. (ex lives 7 hours away). Hubby's family, also wants ex wife there and for wife to stay home. (this is how they have done it on more then one occassion). They claim it is for the 20 year old child. Ex-wife IS coming, feels like she belongs with ex family in law more then wife does. Wife is having a fit over this and is telling hubby that if he goes over to his sister's with his ex wife being there, that he may as well not bother coming home. So who is in the wrong? Hubby or Wife?
2007-12-19 01:24:57 · 20 answers · asked by carmeliasue 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wife had nothing to do with their divorce. Wife is actually wife #3. Wife is NOT invitied or ALLOWED if ex-wife is going to be there, because it may upset the ex-wife. In the past wife wasn't allowed at hospital to visit mother in law, because ex wanted to be there. Wife instead got to babysit the 'child' of 16 at that time. Wife was excluded at a Mother's day Dinner because Ex wife decided she wanted to come down and spend it with her ex-mother in law. Ex wife and hubby were married for only 4 years and have BEEN DIVORCED FOR 16 years. Their child is now a adult and is NOT coming for Chrismas, but going to her boyfriend's home in Ohio.
2007-12-19 01:41:06 · update #1
The wife has done nothing to hubby's family to cause any of this. Hubby's brothers and their wifes support the current wife, it is only hubby's sister's and father who do not want current wife around. As far as the 'child' the wife has been taking care of child for 10 years during her visitation with her father. Wife fully supports father and daughter relationship and also ensures that they get plenty of alone time, without wife around. There is NO problem with child and stepmother.
This isn't about the 'child' though. She isn't even coming. She is going with her boyfriend. Only ex-wife is coming.
2007-12-19 02:18:36 · update #2
I will never put anyone before my wife. Even if that means I will be the bad guy. This is not a popularity contest! I would stand by my wife 100%, if she can't come, I will not be there eighter.
2007-12-19 01:30:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Wife is correct... when you divorce, you divorce the family, from the other side, as well...
Ex should find something else to do, somewhere else to go... Hubby should be with Wife...
If son wants to see his mom he should go to her house...
Child or not, new wife is always first... child is 20 and needs to grow up... and everyone should treat the child as an adult now, not a 4 year old...
If hubby does not consider and follow wife's feelings, he does not care about wife...
plain and simple...
the son can spend time w/ mom at her house then w/ dad at his house...
good luck =)
don't settle for being 2nd to ex wife... =)
it's a game for the ex wife... it really is...
oh, ya, hmmm, just read other answers up there... were you w/ this man while he was still married to first wife? I can understand why his family is against you then, perhaps it would help to know more details... sigh =(...
divorce sucks, especially when kids are involved...
if there was no affair, wife should be invited... and hubby should insist she is or he should refuse to go...
2007-12-19 01:36:44 · answer #2 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what a situation. Common sense says that WIFE comes first - but, some people don't have common sense.
The husband should NOT go over to her sisters if they can not accept the new wife. The new wife comes first - ex wife can come second if they so choose. The 20 year old son can be around the new wife - he's a big boy and can handle it, he needs to deal with it anyways - that the husband has a new wife.
I would put my foot down and say, you go there - you can stay there!!!
The family should definately accept wife #1 into the family.
you don't exclude her from christmas if the husband is going.
WIFE IS riGHT!
HUSBAND IS TOTALLY 100% WRONG!!
2007-12-19 01:52:42 · answer #3 · answered by ★★★ Katharine ♥♥♥♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I may only be a male but I believe hubby is wrong in that hubby should be standing by his present wife sticking up for his present wife and telling his family that if they don't except her then they can get you know what, regardless off the 20 year old child who isn't really a child anymore anyway, and I also think that the present wife should be telling the hubby to get his act together and have and show some loyalty to his present wife. thats my opinion.
2007-12-19 01:47:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hubby and family are a disaster. They are totally disrespecting you aand the kid is 20 so this whole conversation about doing it for the kid is ridiculous. I guess they are free to have whomever they want stay at and come to their house. If it was me I would tell hubby exactly what you suggest and then not be there when he gets back if he chooses to go. You are the wife not some sort of 2nd class citizen.
Now if everytime in the past you have acted badly when around family (and they are only doing this to avoid drama), then you need to get those issues fixed before you go to their house again.
Good luck.
2007-12-19 01:41:17 · answer #5 · answered by George 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Neither is right, and neither is wrong. The way I look at it, if my wife is not invited, I am not going. If the wife is invited, we discuss it and make a JOINT decision. You knew the hubby had an EX, you should have put that in the equation. BTW, has any one bothered to ask the 20 year old what they are doing for the holidays? That kid just may have a life of their own.
2007-12-19 01:51:17 · answer #6 · answered by bootsontheroad 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
THE HUBBY!!!! and i wouldn't change one word that you told him and don't back down on it either. The 20 yr.old needs to grow up and except the fact that his father has another wife and has moved on well if you feel he has cause being honest it seems like he hasn't. You really need to sit him down and have a long talk with him cause this type of thing you only would think to hear about on the stories or movies. Let him know how you feel and leave nothing out and listen to his response and you will know what to do then. Good luck!!
I just saw your edit and honey it seems like you have been dealing with this for sometime and it's happening cause you are allowing it to happen. As i said but not in these words you need to put your foot down and stop taking this mess. It has me p***ed off just reading about it.
2007-12-19 01:36:51 · answer #7 · answered by kitty 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Both sides are wrong to a different extent.
The hubby and his family should not exclude the current wife, however who they invite to Christmas is their own business and considering the ex is the mother of hubby's child- it only makes sense that for the child's best interest, they'd invite her. It's important for kids- regardless of age- to see their parents respect one another and spend time with both parents.
It is wrong of the current wife to tell hubby if he sees the ex wife on Christmas he can't come home.
A more tactful approach would be having the hubby and current wife get a hotel if the sister is insistent that the ex stay at her house. The hubby should stand up for his wife to his family, but shouldn't have to defend his actions of wanting to make Christmas a happy one for his child.
Everyone here needs to grow up some.
2007-12-19 01:32:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
When the hubby goes to his sister's for Christmas, the current wife needs to throw his stuff on the lawn and change the locks in the house. There's a reason why this man is in his 3rd marriage and apparently you just found it out!!
2007-12-19 01:43:51 · answer #9 · answered by terribrooke 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Truthfully, the family is being unreasonable UNLESS the CURRENT wife is a ***** and the exwife is genuinely a joy to be around. No one wants to spend the holidays with someone who is annoying or naggy or gossipy, etc. Still, the husband should prolly stay with current wife and allow son and ex wife to spend time with family. If he chose current wife and the ENTIRE family does not like her, there is probably something wrong with her and he should have to pay for it, not the entire family.
2007-12-19 01:30:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The husband SHOULD be putting his wife first... There is a reason she is an EX... I can't see how it can be for the child, since that child is 20. I wouldn't say wrong or right... I would say however, that maybe y'all should stay home this year... I know that if it were my husband and he told me to stay home, or his family did, NO WAY is that going to happen, so he can either pack his bags and head over there or stay with me. His choice, and I would hope his choice would be me!
2007-12-19 01:32:28 · answer #11 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋