My girlfriend of nearly three years cheated on me and I've been feeling the blues ever since. We have two children together twin son and daughter about a year and a half. I found out in the middle of this year and we broke up for two months then i got back with her partly for the sake of the kids. But even after all this time i can't get over what she did. At times if i sit down and think for to long i get on this emotional roller coaster. She's changed a heck of a lot for me and given up most of her freedoms but I'm still lost and confused i just don't know how i feel about her anymore. I thought this would never happen and i don't think there's any excuse for that no matter how much fighting and arguing is going on. At times the sadness is to much to bear it's like my whole world crashed down. I'm young and i don't want to waste my life on a dead end but i have my kids to think about.
2007-12-17 22:59:16 · 20 answers · asked by Angel R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds to me like perhaps she realizes that she has made a mistake. However, you must talk to her about how you feel. Describe your emotions as clearly as you have described them to us. It was very touching and sincere. It will help her understand your frustration toward her. Surly she must know that what she did was very hurtful. If she is compassionate, she will listen and try to make things better.
As for forgiveness, I always say: I can forgive but I cannot forget.
If she is willing to make an effort, with time the two of you can resume your relationship for the sake of the children.
Good luck, I hope things work out better for you for 2008!
2007-12-17 23:14:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmm, she can't unring this bell. What she could do is listen to you and learn to understand the pain she has caused you.
Seems the cheater is always in a rush to sweep this issue under the carpet when the cheatee needs to some feeling that their pain is understood and that this is about them and not the cheater.
Anyone selfish enough to cheat is going to have trouble grasping this though.
I think some professional help would be a good idea so that she really gets it that just because you forgave her once (providing you can) doesn't mean that will happen again.
You say she's given up most of her freedoms for you. Perhaps you need to reassess what you have asked of her. I'm not excusing her cheating - but if you are going to examine the relationship, examine all of it. There is rarely if ever one person who doesn't need to fix something.
Good luck to you. I hope you can stay together and achieve some harmony for the sake of your children.
Also think if you should leave her then you will most likely be seeing the little ones every other week instead of every day.
2007-12-17 23:12:56 · answer #2 · answered by pinky 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should forgive but not forget.It is ok if you can't trust her. She violated you trust and love and that is not easy to get over.My ex cheated on me.I forgive him now ,but i still divorced him a little to late i think. Nobody should put up with a cheater. Not even for the kids sake. The trust is gone so what is left?Everything she says or does you have a hard time believing her right. Why deal with that. Wouldn't you much rather be with someone you can look at and trust without the constant guessing if they are lying or cheating on you ?I am much better after i left my cheating husband after ten years of pure hell and false hope that he would change.You have the right to be happy. You have the right to love someone who loves you back with the same trust and respect and loyalty that you give them.Find that someone and you will .They are out there waiting for you somewhere.You will not find them being with her.
2007-12-17 23:16:25 · answer #3 · answered by lollypop 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there, only I was married and our kids were 4 and 2. I caught him cheating on me. Same scenerio, got back together and had a hard time. The only way we made it, was through couples counseling. You have to find a councelor that you can both openly talk to, THIS IS KEY. It still took along time for the trust to be rebuilt. For me it took close to 3 years, to not bring it up when we were fighting. However, we are now approaching our 10 year anniversary.
A question you need to find an answer to is what in your relationship drove her to someone else. Has that changed, if not you might be heading that way in the future. GOOD LUCK
2007-12-17 23:08:31 · answer #4 · answered by ilmm98 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sure it is and you may have already done so. Forgiving is not forgetting. You can't forget something was caused such trauma to your very soul. Dwelling on this one incident will only cause negative emotions and feelings. Sure you will think about it, but replace those thoughts with ones of what you both have together right now. You are feeling vulnerable to being hurt again; that scares you, so you bring up the negative thoughts as protection from being hurt. All I can suggest is to live in the moment; not in yesterday or tomorrow. If she is doing all she can to show you that she can be trusted again and you want the relationship to work, you will have to be vulnerable again; which means learning to trust her again. Try writing your thoughts down on paper to release them; it does help. And do discuss them with her; if she loves you she will help you get over theses feelings. Best of luck to you both!
2007-12-18 00:41:01 · answer #5 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is possible, anything is possible. It is up to you to forgive them and only you can decide that. If you truly want to forgive them and are just finding it hard then you have to spend 3-5 mins a day forgiving them in your mind. If it sounds hard and you want to you have to start by attempting to. Then each day that you attempt to (Even if you fail) it will slowy but surly strt t get easier, and if you give this a honest try every day I bet all my points that soon (maybe a month, their is no set time but it wont take to long I'm sure) you will find it in you to forgive.
When and if you reach that then you will find it easier to forgive others, and you should follow the same pattern because this will relieve a lot of stress, grudges, and anger from you. It really works like that and it's as easy as just trying to every day.
2007-12-17 23:03:41 · answer #6 · answered by DW 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to step back from this relationship and think about what you want. You said you only stayed with her for the sake of the children Do you think its fair for your children to be stuck in the middle of your arguments?? You can still be a good father and not be with the mother. But yeah seriously step out the relationship for a bit and allow yourself to think about whats best for you, and to come to terms with your feelings as you seem to be slipping into depression. Maybe consult a doctor for relationship therapy if you decide to stay in the relationship.
2007-12-17 23:16:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is possible to forgive but its hard, you have to really forgive and forget and let the past go or you will only punish your self and her forever, a lot of people cheat when they have lost touch with reality and the feel a moment of being speacial to someone, its easy to take the one you are with for granted when life has got mundane.
you need to sit down with her, no yelling no arguing, it wont help, will only hurt you both, you have to both ask yourselves where you want to be in the future and what it is you really want out of your relationship together you have to let her know its a clean slate that if she wants it you can both make it work, but you have to really mean it, you cant throw it at her when you get made at something, you have to truelly let the past go and try again fresh,.
if you cant do that then it will only drag on forever as it is now, goodluck from a person who knows someone who was cheated on but they made it work
2007-12-17 23:08:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i believe that time is a great healer. Forgiveness comes when we havestarted to see beyond ourselves and realize that mulling over the things that could not be reversed would just take up your precious time and neglect the more important things in life that would make you enjoy your life the way you should. Forgiveness unburdens the heart. That way, you'll have an easier way of finding the right path.
2007-12-17 23:05:31 · answer #9 · answered by eluded one 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off you need to find out what caused the cheating in the first place. Was something missing between you. Sometimes woman look elsewhere because home is where the babies are and confusion. If you were fighting alot, WHY? In order for you to truly forgive her you need to really talk with her. I mean really talk. You need to make things different thatn how they were. Only she can truly tell you what was missing for her. Do talk to her about the mom with babies thing. It can be common. Help her as much as possible and let her see that you are there to make life easier. Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!
2007-12-17 23:11:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋