Does he still love me?

Question

We met at 14.(he was 18) Had a baby at 15. (a boy). Then we had a second son when i turned 18. We were always pretty happy i thought. I found out not long after having my 2nd child he was sleeping with a 16 yr old. ( he says once, but i never found out for sure) He was 22. Then we got over that rough patch. We finally got married in 2000. Our boys stood in our wedding. In 2003 we had our last child (baby girl,Eden). When she was about 2 months he left me and moved in with another woman and her children. Now I know this sounds awful but stay w/ me. I waited for 3 years for him to come back home and to my complete amazment, he finally did. Ok, sooooo we have been back together for like a little over a year and I just feel like he hates me. He seems so angry all the time. He is always yelling and mad at the lott of us. He says he left because I was lazy and did not help him, maybe that is true ( i never agreed but that is how he felt)I am trying so hard. I swear i am. I am 29 now.

I am in college full time , i work an overnight job at the police department and i do all the driving for errand and such. But I just do not feel the love. Do not get me wrong. Sometimes I do, but most of the time he is just always mad. And he can say some ugly things when he is mad. Can make me feel so small. I try to tell him that he is being mean but of course he disagrees. Wow, am i whinning or what.... Sorry .... :(

Peggy, that sounds good, but I feel like that would be awful if i told him he could leave, and then , what if he did?

You all are some of the most sympathetic ears i have seen on hear. Sometimes people can be cruel. THANK YOU ALL SOO MUCH!

Answer 1

You are not whining, you need to get a back bone. This man is not back home, because he loves you. If he loved you, he wouldn't have slept with the 16 year old girl. Can you not see that this man has a problem with responsibility, commitment and faithfulness? He's not mad because you don't help him. He's mad because he have to be there with you all. As soon as he meet somebody else, he's gone and he'll be back as long as you keep leaving the door open for him to return. When he calls you lazy, tell him this... I do more for this household, then you have ever done. You call me lazy but you are a lying, cheating, back stabbing,child molesting, dead beat, punk that can't take care of his responsibilities even if they were placed on a chip and implanted in your pea sized brain. Tell him It's not that he's this stud. Love for him kept you waiting and now you see that there's no love for you and his kids, he can leave and you will get so much love from him through the courts. You need to be done with this crazy man. If you are doing all that you know you can do, why kill yourself over a person that really doesn't want to be there anyhow? You are going to school, caring for your kids and working full time. CONGRATS TO YOU HONEY!!! That's way more than he has done. That maybe one reason he's mad. But don't you stop going to school, working or being you. What you really need to do is go off on him when he start in on you and the kids. He knows that you don't want him to leave, so he say and do what he want to do. Girlfriend, this couldn't be in MY house. I would tell that penis for a brain to step and after he pack his 3 1/2 outfits and the door close behind him, I would cry it out and pick up the pieces and carry on. I have been there and done that. I can say, when you stand up for yourself, it makes them respect you more.

Answer 2

Ok wow! that's an awful lot of mess. Well let me be a little mean first b4 offering some helpful advice.

So NOW u knw how its like to not studying at time and age of studying and marrying at right time and then have kids.

Ok, many will boo me for saying that as no way is guarantee for happy life. I knw i knw but when u chose RIGHT WAY atleast u knw that its luck and not the mess u brought on ur self.

Anyways since its done, now to solution. He is bitter sooooooo bitter coz obviously he is caught up in so much responsibility without having to be prepared for it i.e right career and house, secure future etc etc.

I guess no matter what , u are way more brave and responsible and have taken care of these kids with and without him INCLUDING giving birth to them and having sleepless nights, changing diapers, kids being sick blah blah blah. You are also studying and doing job.........i have to give u THUMBS UP for that.

Now, he may need positive reinforcement and lot of encouragement from you so he don't get scared of all this responsibility which is obviously like a HEAP MOUNTAIN for him. Just talk and talk and try to go slow about it, don't bring up his past mistakes and all, don't whine infront of him no matter what. Let him choose path and then work along that .

I'm sure with time things will work out, u might have to go through some tough time.

Ok, now i'm saying all that COZ obviously you don't want him out of ur life now. So, work patiently and take help of parents, friends, community, govt. or wtever is available for u guys to go through all probs.

Just chill even if u find him arrogant to u and if he is not intimate. Just DON'T WHINE atall.......Just take care of urself and look pretty and DON'T LET HIM EVER SEE that u r soooooo desperate for him and YOU can't have man or life other then him. Coz, If u act vulnerable, emotionally dependent upon him then he would keep TAKING U FOR GRANTED.

And don't be scared in ur heart that he will take off again and stop showing him that fear. You have to knw, You cannot hold anything or anyone in ur fist. If he leaves u, then be sure HE IS NOT MAN FOR U.

Just try wt i told u and wtever wonderful suggestions u ever get on yahoo answers and see how things change in some time. If he is still good for nothing, and hurt u, use u then GET RID OF HIM.

Answer 3

You deserve better. He is a cheater. Once a cheat always a cheat. Get rid of him before all of the yelling psychologically damages you and the kids any further. He is not worth it! He is a jackass for the way he treated you. Get a life for you and that children that is filled with happiness and positive energy. You don't love him you just depend on him. Go with your gut and don't waste your time.

Answer 4

You have lost so much of your own person and self esteem by being with this man. He doesn't deserve you, and you don't deserve to take the pain that he is dishing out to you. Enough is enough, you have given too many years to someone who is taking you for granted and treating you poorly. Your children will be feeling and seeing this for themselves, no matter how hard you think you're hiding it from them. If you want to really ensure you've given it your all, put all your cards out on the table and tell him how he makes you feel but that you're prepared to have him leave - and stick to it. If you act like a doormat he will treat you like one. You need to show him how you deserve to be treated, but ask yourself if you don't feel the love do you really want him around? Is it really better to have someone who makes you feel like shi7 around rather than no one at all (for a short time) but be free of someone's judgement and get to be yourself?

Answer 5

I do not wish to advice you as the answer is simple. Find yourself a happy life with your kids somewhere. He is just forcing himself to be with you for some kind of reason. No point making a person who doesnt love you to stay with you.

Answer 6

That uis verbal abuse, and it hurts just as much as physical abuse that either he starts treating you like he loves you, or it is over. Tell him that he has no right staying with you if he is unhappy. Tell him that you are miserable, and it is because of the way he acts.

Answer 7

First thing: you have given FIFTEEN YEARS to this man. That is enough.

Second thing: I watched my mom go through this type of relationship for longer than that, and it was the worst thing in the world. I feel bad for your kids for living through this.

Please, end it now. Spare your kids any more of this hell.

Answer 8

sweetie I do not wish to hurt your feelings but he needs to understand that everyone has bad days ..............he is not the only one who has the right to be angry all the time .....................besides with everything he did so far he should be trying very hard to make you happy as well as your children