We work in the same large office and there is a young girl that works near him who he chats over the internet to all day! They sit literally 4 feet away from each other but when I go over I see that he has a chat window open and he only talks to her. They even chat in the evenings and basically whenever he goes on-line. I told him that I didn't like it but he said he felt sorry for her because she has confided in him about her personal life and problems she has. I think she has just given him a sob story and it probably isn't even true. I have heard that this particular girl has a reputation for being a bit 'free and easy' with herself if you see what I mean. My husband promised he wouldn't do it again but when I went over to his desk yesterday I saw that he was chatting to her again! I don't know why but i pretended I hadn't noticed.
2007-12-17 22:17:43 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Anyway, the bottom line is I trust my husband not to cheat because I know he loves me very much, but this internet chatting is really upsetting me. I have even thought about confronting the girl in question but I don't want to appear jealous - I just want the chatting to stop! What would you do?
2007-12-17 22:17:56 · update #1
Thank you for all your advice and expecially to ruffstuff for being honest. Its given me food for thought thats for sure! Anyway thanks to you all.
2007-12-17 23:34:17 · update #2
You wont like my answer. I was in the simular boat as your husband,
I began to chat and share my heart with someone other than my wife.
This was the first step down a road of flirting and lead to me being un-faithful. I loved my wife but it didnt stop me from building a weakness.
Stop him now! Whatever it takes you have to get his attention.
It may look innocent but if you asked him to quit and he didnt then made an excuse. He is building a path that leads away from you. by the way im adding this.... my wife trusted me not to cheat... guess who was wrong both of us!
2007-12-17 22:26:48 · answer #1 · answered by rufstuff 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I think that just because he isnt sleeping with her doesnt mean he isnt 'cheating' in a way. If he is giving something of himself, something personal and private that he isnt giving to you (dont know if thats true or not) then I would say that is cheating you of a special part of him.
I would either ask him to stop you dont like it. Tell him what you've heard about this girl. Just be totally honest until it stops. I can understand why your worried. Its not a good situation. ANd I wouldnt download any spy ware either. thats a bit over the top. I'm pretty sure the computer saves everything from messengers on the computer under temporary internet files or something IF you really want to read it. GOod Luck! be strong!
2007-12-17 22:46:22 · answer #2 · answered by Hannah A 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you wasn't worried about your husband cheating, this wouldn't bother you. You better get worried. Men attention spam isn't that long on things they are not going to get something out of. You best put your foot in this one and quick. You have already spoken to your husband, now you need to speak to little Ms. disrespectful. That's right, she is disrespecting you and your marriage. You should tell her, wouldn't she like to chat with you also, since it would seem to be the respectful thing to do. Tell her how she has taken a big portion of your husband time and you want to know what the deal is? Point out the fact to him that he is being disrespectful also. I wouldn't pretend as if I didn't see it. I would have asked him... why did he lie about stopping and why are you looking at his computer seeing a message typed by her on it? Ask him; how would it feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Ms. Girl would hear from me. But I would get her axx good. You better check em!
2007-12-17 23:33:02 · answer #3 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Definitely don't confront her. You'll only give her as reason(at least in her little mind) to pursue him.
Besides he's obligated to you she's not.
But I'd be upset and very suspicious. That's how my husband's affair supposedly started. ANY woman who wants to be your husband's "FRIEND" should also be trying to be your friend. Otherwise she's just another lo-level ho that should be trust only as far as you can pick her a** up and throw her.
And as far as trusting that your husband.
Nothing wrong with trusting him just don't be stupid or blind!!!!!!!! He's already cheating!!!!!!!!!
In a marriage what he's doing is called emotional cheating!!! Sorry to tell you that ( learned that in marriage counseling) Next step is Physically following thru.
Be careful, Good Luck & God Bless!!!!!!
2007-12-17 22:52:26 · answer #4 · answered by THIC007 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would tell him first that I am going to confront her. I would tell him also to catch a grip he is not some agony aunt for an office collegue he has a wife YOU. I would be so annoyed with the whole situation act now nip this in the bud. When confronting her tell her you are not happy with her constant communication with YOUR husband and to back off. Men are so stupid sometimes but remind him what side his bread is buttered.
2007-12-17 22:41:40 · answer #5 · answered by rocketgirl 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
when I was single, I learned the 10 commandments of marraige... 1 of them was "thou shalt not give the opposite sex advice more than once"... a good man would point her toward someone else to talk to, perhaps a single guy!
he should be pointing her to you, as a woman, if she needs advice, but, he feels so darn good because she came to him, that, he's not paying attention to what this girl is really up to, breaking up a marraige and/or taking him for money (if she has money problems)!
ultimatum, stop talking to this woman, or, you will go to his boss and report that those 2 talk all day long instead of work! and if it still continues, even outside of work, it's divorce... this woman is up to no good...
if you go to the woman, she will approach your husband and ask if it's true that he does not want to talk to her anymore...
so go to him... and make him choose... he has to tell this woman to find someone else to be her so called friend...
good luck, don't put up with it!
2007-12-17 23:25:56 · answer #6 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think you should listen to rufstuff. this is disrespectful at the least... and a dangerous game. if you do not have husbands support it is hard..to comfront girl.. but hey.. he is your husband and investment. i would go straight to her... and let her know that your husbands..counseling service is no longer open. do this after or before work hours. tell her your husband is a caring man... but you NOT SO MUCH ... so it stops now. then straighten him out... tell her you are not losing your happy home... because of his ego... and a girl that does not have respect for you ..him or herself. tell her your next stop is the boss. this is a workplace... not a dating service.
2007-12-17 22:43:35 · answer #7 · answered by foosieboy1953 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Put your foot down. My guess is that he is enjoying the attention. Unfortunately, it is at your expense. Ask him how he would feel if you were doing the same.
2007-12-17 22:22:05 · answer #8 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Download and install a Keylogger to spy on him. Install it on your computer at home.
http://www.actualkeylogger.com/
2007-12-17 22:23:01 · answer #9 · answered by kaliman_626 5 · 1⤊ 4⤋