Do you think people can change?

Question

What I'm wondering is, if you think that people can change a fundamental flaw in their personality - i.e. being selfish, conceited, arrogant, vain or on the other hand low in self-confidence, down on themselves etc. to being better people - more kind and generous and happier on the whole?

Is it possible to change one or more bad thing about your character and if so, is there a particular way to go about it? I know no one is perfect but if there's something you don't like about yourself can you change it or are you stuck with that characteristic forever?

Sorry if my question sounds confusing.

Answer 1

Hello,

(ANS) No! to me your question is not at all confusing. OK!! let me see if I can give you some clarity on this question.

No.1 YES! people can change, to make changes in your life and to the way you respond is a choice.

No.2 Change is VERY very difficult process because human beings are creatures of habit bye and large. So change is very scary, traumatic or takes a long time to really happen.

No.3 we are born with a "core personality", this is something that our genetics predetermine and which fundamentally doesn't change through out your entire life. You therefore cannot change the core personality of a person and even if you did the result is terribly damaged people. The survivors of the Nazi camps often had there deepest core personalities damaged by the experience.

No.4 YES! change can take place at a secondary or ego level of the person but it takes a long time and can only be done through intensive counseling or psychotherapy.

**It takes alot of working with your awareness to change the way you perceive or respond to situations.

Kind Regards Ivan

(ex member of Energy Stream Practitioners Group of therapists).

Answer 2

It is possible. The first step is to become aware of it and the effect it has on other people. The second step is to consciously want to change. The third step is to look for ways to help produce that change. There are many examples of such change. Recovering alcoholics and drug abusers (some of the most selfish behaviour you can imagine) are one. Anger management is another example. Humility can also be learnt, sometimes is forced upon someone. Low self esteem, depression etc can also be worked on.

But the key thing is the person has really, really got to want to change.
If you look in a library/bookshop under psychology/self-help you’ll find many books on these subjects.

Of the different types of counselling methods, the one that is most widely used for behaviour change e.g alcohol abuse is called cognitive-behavioural.

Answer 3

aine ala, I'm becoming intrigued by your questions although I don't know if you are concerned for your self on this one or possibly a dear friend. It is my believe that at a certain stage in life you tend to self Analise, I think its called growing up, and it happens to people at many different times in life. This is when they asked themselves, am I being selfish, am I vain or arrogant. Sometimes they learn through being embarrassed by somebody else being generous or kind.
Being mature, I think I have changed some much over the years and dread to think what I may have been like. If this concern relates to you, you are learning or have learnt very fast, if its a friend, well lets hope he will learn, if not he will suffer in many ways. If I'm totally wrong, sorry, its probably my age. Eric

Answer 4

I was shy, racist, a bit of a bully.
When I called a dark skinned boy at school a racist name, he turned calmly to face me and called me racist, that was all I needed to get rid of my racism, I realized then that he was a human being like me, and he had feelings too.
I never realized I was a bully, when I was teasing a smaller friend at school. I know why I did it, because I felt useless, but had some power here.
I gained self confidence by taking a postal course, it is mainly about thinking positively and doing little things I had avoided, gradually gaining more freedom than most people have, because I became more self confident than them. This also made me a more considerate person towards other people,
and I believe I am a much nicer person because of it.

Answer 5

I don't think people can change their basic characteristics, but can evolve to control them. I've seen this in my husband, in our younger days he had a viscous temper, and over the years has learnt to control it and his view of violence now is being a better fighter doesn't mean you were right it just means you were the better fighter. Anything is possible and with a little help you can make these flaws disappear, but first they have to realise they have a fault. Seek professional help for this person, it may be expensive but the end result will be worth it.

Answer 6

Yes people can change.

I am a rebel and so are many others.

Before political correctness was imposed upon us by silly but well meaning liberals I had no issue whatsoever with black people or homosexuals.

With the passage of time and the gradual imposition of legislation that is designed to engineer the way that we are supposed to think I have found that I have become racist and homophobic in my opinions because of my rebellious nature.

Answer 7

I have thought about this a lot myself... And I've come to the conclusion that the answer is no, they can act differently if they really try, but they can't change. I am basing this on the examples of 2 people I know.

The first is a friend of mine who is completely self obsessed. She always puts herself first, talks about nothing but herself, thinks about no-one but herself, and has no interest in anything anyone else has to say unless it's about her. This is just who she is, she's not bad, she just doesn't know how to put others first. I've seen her try to in the past, but she was very put out by doing it, she really didn't like putting herself second. It's the same situation if she tries to listen to something someone else is saying that isn't about her, she's just bored and doesn't want to know. So even though she can try to act different, she's fundamentally self obsessed and that doesn't change.

The second person I'm basing this opinion on is the first guy I ever dated. We went out for a long time considering we were just teenagers. His reputation preceeded him, he was a player. And even though he really loved me, he cheated on me too. Since we broke up he's become engaged to someone else, and they recently broke up because he cheated on her too. He really likes to be in a relationship, and I know he really loved this girl, but when the opportunity to cheat comes along he just can't say no, he's too weak.

I think certain experiences can make a person stronger or weaker, or can make them see life differently, but in my opinion, people are always fundamentally the same.

Answer 8

I am not sure if there is a particular way to go about changing but it is definitely possible. Learning from mistakes might sound like a cliche but it is very important for personal growth and development.

Answer 9

You cannot change the fundamentals of who you are. However you can learn to do certain things differently as a way of managing an aspect of you or your behaviour that may cause an offence to others, or is generally unacceptable to either you or society.

Answer 10

Yes Yes
I'm getting old now, and have learnt allot about people
example
a divorce followed by guilt and reflection
a big illness or accident, followed by reflection
a call to God, followed by reflection
these are some reasons why people change
I KNOW ?