Is this crule ??

Question

Some one i know is feeding her baby herself(taking meds she doesn't need to make her produce milk)Her daughter is 3 months was born 6lb7oz and now weighs 9lb 7oz.She feeds her and 5 mins after the baby is screeming for food so she gives her 3 oz (from a bottle)which she finishes in no time.Why does she not bottle feed her if that is how she feeds best.Even the doctor said the baby's tongue is a shape that makes it v hard for her to breast feed.I just think the baby would be more content bottle feeding as breast is not working.

Also this is causing her to get depressed again which worries me as she like me self harms

i support her in her choices but i worry about her and the baby

The midwif weighed the baby b 4 a feed and then after she gets about 1/2 oz from the breast

Answer 1

It's great if you have enough milk to breast-feed, but if a baby obviously needs topping up, its absolutely OK to do so. There's nothing worse than a baby screaming because its hungry. Guaranteed to make you tense, irritable and depressed as you don't appear able to meet her every need.

I started mixed feeding around 3-4 months with all my children, so that they got a full formula feed at bedtime, to help them sleep through the night.

Your friend needs to see her midwife or health visitor to talk about the options for her baby. I'm sure your friend is desperate to be able to bf her daughter, but sometimes we have to accept that the time comes when its just not enough. Babies grow at an alarming rate in the early months and its important that she gets the right nutrients all the time.

My first daughter was also 6lb 7oz at birth. At 3 months she was 10lb 3oz. and she'd had to deal with a chest infection during which time she put on hardly any weight at all. Babies should be gaining around 1/2lb a week at this stage, so she's only about a week behind. If her baby was premature, then she'll have a lot of catching up to do. My 2nd daughter was born at 35wks and weighed 5lb 2oz by 11 weeks she was up to 7lb 11+1/2oz but at 13wks had reached 10lb 2+1/2 oz. So between those two checks would have weighed around the same as your friends daughter.

If the doctor has commented on the difficulty the baby must be experiencing due to the shape of the tongue, then your friend must take his observation into account when choosing how to feed her daughter. Its unfair to make the baby work too hard for her feed, as she'll use up all the energy she gains from the milk, just trying to get it. Leaving no feed for her to use to grow.

Encourage her to at least mix-feed a bit more and give the bedtime bottle of formula so that they can both get a bit more sleep.

Its no shame to bottle feed. Even if she had breast-fed for only a day, that's better than not at all. If you think she's having more difficulties than she will admit, then try to have a discreet word with the doctors surgery or the health visitors. Tell them that you are concerned for her, they should be sensitive to the situation and her health visitor may be able to drop by and see how she's coping at home.
They won't discuss the situation with you, due to patient-doctor confidentiality, but that doesn't mean you can voice your concerns to them. Good luck, she's lucky to have a friend like you.

Edit: 1/2 an ounce is not enough. She should be getting several ounces at each feed. If she tops up every time she bfeeds her by at least 3 ounces from a bottle, things should start to improve. The key is to have enough milk on offer so that baby can take as much as she likes, leaving a fraction in the bottle when she is full. Your friend will then know that her daughter is getting sufficient to gain weight.

Answer 2

Hi. Breast feeding at this stage would be best for the baby, because the mothers milk offers a lot of nutrition,but if she can't produce milk on her own without medication, she should bottle feed. The reason the baby is still hungry 5 min. after eating, is that the medication may produces the milk but not the nutrients the baby needs to make it last until the next meal is due. At this stage in her life, the baby need to eat every 3 hours. Another reason that has trouble with the best milk, could be that her mamal glands are not properly developed or channel are not properly open. This happens often with the first child, if this is her case. She should try to eat dairy products to help produce more natural milk and eat proper meals. If she doesn't eat then she wont have milk for the baby. If this is her first child, is going to be very hard on her until she gets use to the idea of beeing a mum, so try to be as supportive as you can and as offten as you can. She will get the hang of it with time.
I hope this offers you some kind of help and good luck.
Nikki.

Answer 3

Why would this be cruel? Besides the fact that it is none of your business, obviously this mother is trying her best. She knows that breast milk is better for her baby, so she is giving the baby what she can. If she is finishing the feeding with a bottle, then the baby is not suffering. Why in the world would you have a problem with her doing both?

Answer 4

No it's not mean to the child. That is why they say you should never introduce the bottle for the first month because if it is they will not want to take to the breast. I suggest she gets in to see a lactation consultant. They really helped me with the whole breast feeding thing. But, if she is starting to feel depressed then she really needs to see a doctor because it will only make things worse. As for the baby being 9lbs that can be normal. Every baby grows diffrently. If she is giving the baby stricly breast milk then she need sto give her more then 3oz. My son is a month old and is already eating three to four. She really needs to feed that baby more. You need to say something because a breast feed baby can never get enough. You can never over feed them. So really say something to her and if she doesn't listen then find someone she will listen to. It's for the babies sake.

Answer 5

All you can do is try and support her and be there for her, also you can try talking to her to see if she would consider to just try the bottle feeding alone for awhile and see how the baby does like that. There are lots of mothers that like to do both breast and bottle feed though. Good luck, and best wishes.

Answer 6

There is more to breast feeding than just the milk itself. You don't make it clear if the baby is getting milk from the boob or not but if he/she is then it is a better bond between Mum and child to keep the contact up.

I would also wonder why on earth you are the asking the question on here. A bunch of global strangers are far from qualified to really add anything meaningful to your friends experience

Answer 7

right try this as i have 6 kids and do tend to be a bit cunning...say shes looking tired and you will sit with the baby while she has a lovely shower and goes tor a sleep...then as soon as shes in bed feed the baby with a bottle and see how much it takes...its bound to be contented and go to sleep itself just as the mum is getting up...shel see how contented the baby is and you say oh that was grat maybe you should try that next time and see what happens....

aw well its worth a wee try jst to let her get a shower and a sleep may do the trick.xxx liz

good luck

Answer 8

If she is having problems breastfeeding you can try to be supportive rather then thinking her decision to continue to breastfeed is cruel. Many children with tongue problems (like being tongue tied) can be breastfed, they just need a little help. Get her in contact with her local LaLecheLeague - http://www.llli.org/ - or a lactation consultant.

Answer 9

Why is it c-r-u-e-l?

Every little bit of breastmilk counts. She's bottle feeding her what she can't from her breasts, right? Then what's the problem?

I'm guessing you formula feed?

Answer 10

she could try expressing the milk and give it to the child in a bottle but if the child isnt getting enough milk from the mother then theres no hrm in giving her what she needs with formula........ she can just use both