She constantly complains about not being able to do anything and she tired of being stuck in the house. We live in a small town and the nearest city is about 20 mile away. Now, I work crazy hours (night then days then nights, etc) and I have to commute an hour both ways to work, by the time I get home I'm tired and don't want to drive anywhere. I contantly ask her to get a license, but she says if I continue to bother her about she won't do it. We have two toddlers and I'm concerned that if something were to happen while at work I couldn't be there to help her. Also, most women like to go shopping or get their hair done etc... and not be stuck in the house. So I don't understand, especially in this day of age where everything is driving distance not walking distance that she doesn't at least try once to get the license. Please help with any advise on pursading her. Thank you
2007-12-17 20:14:44 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have taken her out on country roads to practice, but she dosen't study the handbook. She is a very dependant woman on me and that has our problems toward our marriage. I want her to be a more independant person, not so I don't have to spend time with her, but to help out with the small things like going grocery shopping, taking the kids to preschool, and if she decides to work drive herself there and not have to stop my life to wait for her
2007-12-17 20:35:15 · update #1
Has your wife ever had any bad experiences behind the wheel of a car? Does she suffer from some sort of depression or anxiety? While I have had a driver's license from 16, I need to get my renewed in a couple months, and I am thinking that I really don't want to for those reasons. Also when she does get a license do you realize that car insurance rates will go up. And then you have to buy another car and pay for gas in that too. Maybe she is trying to save your family money by not wanting to drive.
2007-12-17 20:22:59 · answer #1 · answered by Someonesmommy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is a deeper problem going on here. Your wife is avoiding the issue not because she's lazy but because something's holding her back. Is she afraid that if she gets her license that you won't feel like you have to help her as much? Not having a license means she's dependant on you. In other words, you have to come home. She may not be exhibiting this fear in any other way, but with two toddlers and in a small town, this could be a very real fear. She could be fearing, ironically, being isolated. If she doesn't have her license, then she has an excuse to make you keep coming home.
Now, with that in mind, look at things from her perspective. Here you come home from working weird hours and she probably gets little time with you as it is. Then you bother her to get a license. Having you drive her around is probably one of the few "family times" she gets with you. She probably sees your insistance on her getting a license as an excuse to get out of this family time.
How about trying this? Address the issue. Tell her that you understand that you don't get a lot of time together and that you'll try to change that. Set a specific time each week that is family time. Time when you can do fun stuff with the family that isn't running around. However, tell her that if you're going to make an effort, so does she. Tell her that if she wants this, she has to help you out and get her driver's license. That will take the amount of time you spend driving her around and make it less, leaving more time to spend with her and the kids.
2007-12-18 04:26:57 · answer #2 · answered by dstluke 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some places have professional driving schools that can help a reluctant person get a drivers license. This is impossible to do, however, if she has her toddlers in tow. To help her you could arrange to have a sitter for the times when she is taking her lessons. This will allow her more freedom and give her some self-reliance. However, if this is a contentious subject, you may need to go about it another way or get the aid of a family member to convince her it would be to her benefit to take the plunge.
When I was a teenager I always had a guy eager to give me a ride wherever I wanted to go, so there was no incentive to get my license. I wouldn't have had anything to drive anyway. After I got married my husband said he was no longer going to do be my chauffeur. So he helped me learn how to drive and get a learner's permit so I had time to perfect my driving skills. So now I drive just like he does, which used to drive me crazy!
2007-12-18 04:28:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You married this adult woman knowing she couldn't drive, so complaining now is unfair. What exactly did you think life was going to be like? You moved so far away from public transportation that you isolated her and now you are complaining about it? That is not fair.
Your wife may be terrified of driving and actually have a phobia that makes her panic. Not everyone is ready to drive at the same time, I didn't drive until I was 27 and my husband was 21 and one of my daughters just got her license at 24. I imagine all the pressure you are putting on her isn't helping.
Give her driving lessons for Christmas. You definitely are the wrong person to be teaching her, you have too much resentment.
2007-12-18 05:12:08 · answer #4 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she has a Phobia of driving. I am very independent, live in the country, have 3 kids(2 raised & on there own now) & I don't drive. I have aced every written test. DMV mails me a DL but I can't drive. It sucks sometimes, but you learn to make do. God gave us feet for a reason. Not everyone is cut out for driving. Everyone has flaws. Maybe that is hers. It is mine. Maybe she is afraid to drive or her womens Intuition in telling her not to! Would you rather she drive when she is not ready & get herself killed? There are alot of people that have no business driving but they do anyway. In a split second our loved ones are killed.
She'll drive when she's ready until then she'll have to schedule her outings, take a bus or walk.
2007-12-18 05:53:47 · answer #5 · answered by joeys_mom8 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are a whimp, my grandfather took my grandmother everywhere she needed to go, even having 2 daughters... pffft...
even though he worked a full time job...
even though he fixed the car...
he drove my grandmother everywhere she needed to go for their whole marraige, until the day he died (married 46 years)... and the kids, too, when they were little, and when they were big, while they were at home, before they moved out on their own...
and you know what? he still had time for football on Sundays...
you don't know what tired is...
he really loved her, and he showed it, and NEVER complained...NEVER...
some men these days are whimps...
2007-12-18 07:56:57 · answer #6 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe she is just afraid, I was a nervous wreck when I started driving, stop hassling her and give her encouragement and support.
2007-12-18 04:19:45 · answer #7 · answered by Jo.1981 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol im only 15 and im trying to get mine as soon as possible
got my permit last week =]
2007-12-18 04:19:31 · answer #8 · answered by wwwwwwweeeeee 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋