All I feel like is crying...How do I be positive?

Question

I'm a University student and it's my first year. I decided to move out and go to a good University awa from home. All it is trouble. Ever since I came here, I've put so much effort and time into everything I do. I'm in an engineering program, and yes that's what I want to do. But I'm stupid. I'm a retard honestly. Sicen Dec 1 till the 17 everyday I'm in the classroom from 10am till 2am day in and day out studying for exams. My exams are over but I feel like I'm going to fail some and I may need to repeat. I'm an idiot and I'm a disgrace. If I repeat the whole year I disgrace myself. My parents loose respec of me, my bro and sis well never look upto me anymore. They all think how wonderful I'm on my own and working really hard. And honestly, it hurts. I've worked so hard sacrificed food,money, friends EVERYTHING just for engineering. Not only that, I never slept in my residence, insead I sleep in liraries and classrooms because I'm too busy studying. And now, all that effort, is waste

...waste of 5grand and a lot of time in mylife, all gone. I mean I don't know if I failed, but man those exams were tough. I just have a bad feeling. Like, I'm just an idiot man. You have no clue how hard I studied you can ask anybody, and now all of it was worthless and useless. It just feels that way. And I'm going to break my parents hearts if I fail, my bro going to think I'm just stupid, and my sister is going to make a lot of fun of me. And the worst of all, is that all those "friends" that I had that said I won't make it to the University I'm in now, well there right becase I'm too stupid to be here and here I am about to fail my first year...Can all of you please pray for me that I pass. Yes, I'm a guy but I'm serious, not in my life I ever cried. Tonight I cried for an hour stright like a baby all by myself. And I don't know what will happen once I get my results, I'm scared and at the same time sort of know what may happen and I feel like killing myself cuz I'm an idiot.

Answer 1

For one thing, studies have shown that the more negative messages you give yourself, the worse you do. If you keep telling yourself that you are stupid and an idiot and a disgrace, you are almost bound to fail. You need to give yourself more positive reinforcement.

Secondly, it sounds to me like you might need some help on HOW to study. I admire you for being willing to put in so much time on your studies. Your dedication is admirable. I never did that, and I now have four university degrees. What it says to me, though, is not that you are stupid, but that you are approaching the material wrongly. Unless you have brain damage which prevents your memory from working, no one should spend that much time. You need to study more effectively and efficiently, not just more.

I don't know where you are, but if it is in the United States, I would suggest two things. First, if your school has a learning center, you should talk to someone there about techniques for making your studying more manageable. Secondly, see someone in your counseling center about your stress and depression before it gets worse.

Finally, about wasted effort. You don't really know that you failed your exams, and if you didn't, you can move on without any of the problems you mention. Even if you did fail, just about every successful person has experienced failure and learned from it before moving on to success. You now have a better sense of what you are capable of - you can work 20 hour days in pursuit of a dream, sacrificing everything. Even if it turns out that engineering isn't for you, you can use the force of that dedication in another way in the future to bring you the outcomes you are looking for. You yourself say that your parents and siblings think it is wonderful that you are on your own and working really hard. You know what? Regardless of how you did on your exams, you did exactly that. They may be shocked at first if they find out that you weren't as perfect as they thought, but often people can relate better to someone who is a little less perfect. If you don't crumble with this potential defeat and calmly go on to do something else well, they will have more respect for you then ever. You think your parents don't know how hard life can be? What matters in life is NOT having a perfect record of successes, but how you handle and learn from your failures.

Answer 2

you are your worst critic i know some students that have had it very hard too. sometimes the roommate acts like they own the place and you can't come in, or teachers are the stupid ones they don't make sure you get assignments and they don't encourage getting along with others in the class room they fail the students it is not your fault...you as well as others thought it would be a much better experience.. your siblings can only hope that things will improve by the time they go to school, and if anyone thinks college is easy they are wrong.actually you are doing good you have stayed strong for this long school will soon be out right? then you may rest your weary mind and bones... it'll be okay.If you must quit then do so. you did without it before and try something else like a trade school.not eating enough causes depression, and all a person can do is try you gave it your best and that is good enough

Answer 3

I am really sorry you feel that way..
I think the first thing you should do is to have lots of respect for yourself and perhaps a little more confidence..it doesn't matter if you are retard, as long as you know you have done your very level best, you should feel good ( and from what i read, you seem to have put extraordinary effort in studying)!
One thing though, if your parents and siblings love you, and know that you have put a lot of effort in studying no matter you fail or not, they would never do things you mentioned above!And for your friends, I don't think you would people like them to be your friends ( FRIENDS, i mean TRUE friends would never say mean things which they know will hurt you)..
One advice, maybe you are putting too much energy in studying (yeah i guess, you'll say that you need to study that much) But no rest, no relaxation, no proper sleep is in fact more damaging to you and it may cause adverse effect like not able to perform well in your exams! I am saying these through experience!
Have a little confidence in yourself and remember if you do fail( which I sincerely hope you will not), failure is not the end of everything, it is a stepping stone for the future..
Oh yeah, it is not wrong for a guy to cry either, wish i could lend a shoulder for your tears!!
Anyway, all the best and do inform us on your results!!!

Answer 4

i guess its high time its not the quantity of the study but the quality that really makes a difference. Studying like a bull and sleeping in the liabraries and classrooms does not makes any diff to your marksheet. Before you go any further you ned to re-evaluate your self that is this that you actually want to do. Coz if it is then things are supposed tyo come natrually to you.
besides if it is try being honest with youself, chalk out a plan, include everything from entertainment to studies. ALL WORK & NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY.
n atlast give in all you have coz even if tommorow you dont suceed you will have no regretts of have left any stone unturned.

All the best mate.

Answer 5

just relax for a second bhai.

this is not the end of life. I knew a guy who was a failure in pakistan but when he came here he decided to do something with his life and became a dentist. but he didn't do that over night. he had a family to support. he used to deliver pizza and go to school at the same time. he finally did it at 35 years of age. but he never gave up.

whats the worst that can happen? God forbid.

I think you are expecting too much from ur self.

Insha'Allah you'll be fine. appreciate your opportunity and your hard work.

Answer 6

It's not wasted at all, and you probably aren't doing as poorly as you think. Attitude is a choice, something you have complete control of. But things you're doing can be working against you - like a lack of sleep and a poor diet. Use the winter break to find some balance in your life. Maybe find an exercise to redirect your stress to.