As a victim, I do want to understand how the abusers spot me.?

Question

Why me?
seems that even strangers do not treat me as equal.

somehow I feel they can tell right away that I feel insecure and can be easily bullied. This feeling is so strong after a good friend (not in contact anymore) abused me psychological and sexually.

how to help myself.

Answer 1

Your posture and general body language may be submissive.
Stand up straight, shoulders back, head always up.......... never slouch and look at the floor when you're standing or walking.

Speak clearly and confidently (even if you don't feel confident). Don't mumble.

You may benefit from a Confidence Bulding or Self Awareness class...... some colleges have them. Or see your doctor, ask to be referred to a Psychiatric Nurse (their patients are not all mentally ill) for anxiety/depression

Answer 2

Look at the way you stand - do you try and make yourself look small or stoop?
Do you speak in a timid voice? Do you avoid eye contact? Do you often laugh when nothing's really funny?
Unfortunately human nature can be cruel and will pick on weaker ones. You need to stand taller, be louder and make eye contact. Don't always say yes to things and if you don't agree with something say so. Don't be nudged out of a queue, say excuse me, I think I was next. Quite often you'll find that others are just as insecure as you on the inside, but just hide it better. Think of yourself as an equal.

You don't have to be a victim, it's much harder to change the pattern but you can do it. Easiest thing in the world to stay how you are and feel sorry for yourself. Don't whine about things, make an effort and you'll find that people's attitude towards you changes. Go for it.

Answer 3

Yeah used to happen to me too, first step when ur walking round keep your head up high, eyes on the ground single you out as a victim. Secondly go get some advice, maybe from a counsellor or some support group, because even if the abuse isn't upsetting you now it will later trust me on this. Thirdly, you've got to like/love yourself, because in doing this you won't let anyone bully or abuse you because you will think more of yourself. hope some of this helps.this may help
www.saferoom.org

Answer 4

There is such a thing as victim behaviour, usually linked to lack of confidence etc. but can also be due to size, race etc. There is evidence bullies can spot from body language etc those who are most vulnerable to being bullied.

I've done a quick search you might find these starting points.
http://www.ncvc.org/tvp/main.aspx?dbName=Bullying

http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?MemberId=2596423586

http://www.standards.dfes.gov.uk/research/themes/inclusion/bullyandvictim/?view=printerfriendly

Search also on abuse victim & surviving abuse. These sites should be able to help provide links/ideas what else to search on.
http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=victim+of+abuse&btnG=Google+Search&meta=

http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=surviving+abuse&btnG=Search&meta=

But being bullied/abused isn't the fault of the victim. The abuser is the perpetrator and has to shoulder the blame.

Good luck

Answer 5

What these people do is target the ones who seem to be vulnerable and try to earn their trust which they seem to get real quick.The reason for this is because usual the victims are looking for that love and security and accept it very quick because they don't want to lose it.The way you can protect yourself is by standing up for yourself and understanding that you do not deserve it and that you are special and worth so much more,once you know that then you will not allow anyone to touch you.Remember to respect yourself and you are the only one that can protect yourself.

Answer 6

You have to stop behaving like a victim! Learn how to be self confident and how to project this. Bullies and abusers can spot people who permit themselves to be used from a mile off.

Answer 7

Unfortunatly that is the society we live in...

Although you shouldn't have to - are you aware of what you are possible wearing, hair style etc, and the sterotypically weakline.
You may need to find some confidence and walk with your head up. (But i'm not sure who you are, just an idea.)

Just try to fit in - and if worse comes to worse, stand up to your bullys.

Answer 8

General body language. You need to get some confidence. Ask your GP to put you in touch with a counsellor.

Answer 9

You must have self confidence. Don't look like your afraid somebody is going to pounce on you. You have to look alert, and capable of defending yourself.
If you look wimpish then of course people will victimise you! Don't worry, you're gonna be ok!

Answer 10

sorry to hear about this.
i strongly recommend that you go for self hypnosis or nlp.
this will make you a much stronger person,and as soon as you start to think diffrently about urself you'll act diffrently.