My husband (soon to be ex)
is deployed in Iraq.
He doesnt want me around when he comes back.
We have a daughter together.
We been married for 7 years
Hes trying to toss me to the curb.
Everyone said go to the chaplain.
But the chaplain just told me to go to legal.
He didnt say anything else.
What was the chaplain suppose to tell me that everyone kept repeating?
i told him i wasnt to try therapy, but he still told me to go to legal.
It really was a waste of time talking to that chaplain.
Was he just a bad chapalin or is that what everyone wanted me to hear, when they all said go talk to the chaplain???
what else could he have done?
2007-12-17 18:42:29 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm so sorry this is happening to you! I don't know why the Chaplain didn't help you. However, you do need to talk to someone. Even if it is just a friend. Good luck to you and your daughter!
2007-12-17 18:49:59 · answer #1 · answered by know_it_all? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is happening to you may be more common than you think. As far as the chaplain goes he does not have both sides of the story and should give you religious advice based on the bible. Since he didn't he did the next best thing. The only biblical reasons for divorce with being able to remarry in God's eyes is death (which is not really divorce but on the same scale.. and cheating) If you cheated then your husband has the right to ask for a divorce. If he cheated then you have the right. Either way then the both of you would be free to remarry. If on the other hand he just doesn't want you there for some strange reason then biblically speaking you will not be free to remarry unless he has sex with someone else. That said then, If your husband is trying to get divorced from you wait.
I suggest you wait for your husband to start getting divorced from you.
The reason I suggest waiting is because you have a house right? The government is paying for it right now and you have money for food and insurance and stuff like that right`?
So I would wait until he got back or if you had a place to go I would leave when he was on the plane coming home. I would take care of myself and my child first.
As far as going to a lawyer now you can but I don't see how it would help unless you are willing to get a divorce right now and it that case you would still have to wait until he came back.
I have a question though, doesn't the army or whatever have rules against adultery for the soldier? He may want you to start the divorce because of this, I am not sure but could be. If he commited adultery he could get court martialed right? So if you started the divorce then it would not come out ....Well I will stop there because really I don't know.
I would stay until he got back, go to a friends house or my mom's house until he said what he had to say and stay calm. then if he really wants adivorce I would then go to an attorney and get things started.
2007-12-18 03:06:04 · answer #2 · answered by bssd12000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Chaplain was not a bad one, the proper thing from what you have written was to "counsel" you into going to see a lawyer. Without your husband to talk to in a group setting to see if this marriage could be reconciled, the only thing for you to do is see the lawyer about a divorce. Your husband obviously doesn't want to remain married to you so there is little for you to do except dissolve the marriage. The place for that kind of help is JAG. There is very little a chaplain can do when one of the parties is on the other side of the world.
2007-12-18 03:28:07 · answer #3 · answered by baseballdad69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear, sounds like a VERY bad chaplain. It makes me very angry when I hear about men in pastor positions that toss their flock off the cliff with their own two hands. There was alot more he could have done, he could have at least offered you comforting words and made a counseling appointment with you. They generally talk to you about your situation, and will usually offer to talk to your husband as well. I can't believe this guy just blew you off like that. All chaplains are obligated to do this as a part of their duties, sadly I don't think there's anything you can do about it though. I'm VERY sorry you had a run in with this fellow, and I'm VERY sorry that your husband is trying to kick you to the curb. I know it's not easy being a military wife, and your husband should thank his lucky stars he at least has a woman that's willing to wait around for him and stand by him when he's deployed for such a long time. Many military men come home and find wifey in bed with other men because they were "lonely." Keep your chin up!
2007-12-18 02:52:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A chaplain can get in legal trouble for trying to be a psychologist. He was being very careful not to give you innappropriate advice about your situation. Also, a chaplain is not a religiously affiliated advisor, so telling you to pray to God wouldn't be something he could tell you either.
You need to go see a marriage counselor. Even if it's by yourself, go see a professional counselor or therapist. They will help you answer questions that need to be asked about whether you should fight for the marriage or not.
2007-12-18 02:48:13 · answer #5 · answered by mommypj 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not confuse a Chaplin with being a man of god. His paycheck come from the military budget, so he works for the command your husband is attached to.{This does not make them a bad person or mean thay do not believe in god.}. A chaplins loylaty is to the troops, to god, then the families of the troops. In a combat situation thay would pick up a rifel and kill. They are military,so as a spouse of a military man you should look out side the military comunity for friendly support ,advice and confort. A Priest or Pricher who is not conected with the military will be a be a better coffidaunt.
2007-12-18 03:11:02 · answer #6 · answered by Medow Mayor 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe people thought the chaplain would be compassionate and give you some sort of advice? and help you through this... i guess that was a bad idea.. although those people are SUPPOSED to be helpful and supportive... i dont' get it.... maybe he's just an idiot.
you must be hurting, and i'm sorry for that... file for divorce before your husband gets back, i suppose? if you 've done everything else you can, then i suppose this is your only recourse.
take care of yourself... and i hope things work out and your life brightens soon.
2007-12-18 03:23:13 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is awful .. I think only the wonderful counselor can guide you through this one. I am a little surprised. Even if he didn't know what to say, why not at least pray with you? He could prayed for God's strength and presence to be with you, and for God to give you the wisdom and the grace to go on. He could've prayed for your husband to be a true follower of Jesus, and for the Lord to keep you both from darkness, and to kindle a love for Jesus and one another.
Just remember that no matter if the whole world throw you away, Jesus loves you, and if you let him, He will pick you up out of that dumpster that the world and your husband has sought to toss you in, and He can do a work in your life.
2007-12-18 02:52:59 · answer #8 · answered by str8_op 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A decent Chaplain would have listened to you and counseled you about your situation. In the end, the recommendation might still have been, go see JAG, but the process would have been much more thoughtful
2007-12-18 02:47:04 · answer #9 · answered by I_Walk_Point 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's interesting when everyone else seems to be a problem. Isn't it?
2007-12-18 03:00:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋