Are you gonna tell your kids the truth when they grown up if you were in my situation?

Question

I got pregnant and we got married ( I was 22 and he was 23). I moved from North CA to South CA where he live with his family. He told me "you'll take my mom's place is this house and she can rest." His parents still young and his younger sister not even wash her own dishes. He listened watever his mom said. She told him not to spoil me and not forget her because she brought him to this world. I was depressed how he ignored my needs. My pregnant sickness was so bad and he told me I was lying because his mom told him she was fine with her 2 pregnancies. He bought the mobile home, gave my father in law his car, gave his sister money for shopping, bought her expensive gifts but I got nothing from him. I was patient for my daughter's sake. 6 mons ago I've had enough and I moved back to my mom and of course he didn't come with us, "My parents told me they'll disown me if I follow u." he said.

a few days later he called to break up with me "my parents hate u so much for took their grandaughter away and I don't think we'll ever be happy again when u come back." before I left I told him I'll get my degree and come back and then we'll move out. He told me he'll never move out. "If it wasn't my parents whom brought me to this world and I don't think our daughter would be here." Now, he's enjoying his life, hang out with his friends everyday, flirting with other girls and helping his family financially. He doesn't care about pregnancy, he calls sometimes to ask how my daughter's doing and visit her once every 3 months. What would you do if you're in my situation? We didn't get our marriage certificate so he's a noncustodial parent but I still let him visit my daughter. They're worried bcause he will have to pay child support not for 1 but 2 kids.
thank you so muchh

I really want to forget the whole story. I want my kids to grow up happy but I'm afraid they're gonna ask where and why their daddy's not with us.

Answer 1

Until he cuts the cord from momma and grows a set, he'll never be a good husband or father. Get out while you still can, and good luck to you.

:-(

Answer 2

Tough break. Despite the sadness of not having your husband around for your daughter, your top priority is ensuring both yourself and your daughter are safe and happy. It doesn't sound like either of those things will happen if deadbeat dad is in the picture. For whatever reason your husband is refusing to stand up to his parents and protect his own little family. For this to occur it's obvious that your in-laws have a disproportionate amount of influence over your husband and that your husband is just plain spineless. You and your daughter should be the focus of his attention and money and if his parents disown him for taking care of his wife and child- well, what sort of despicable people are they?

As for what you should tell your daughter, tell her the truth. Maybe you can write her a letter listing everything that your husband has failed to do and how his family has treated you poorly. When she is old enough, show her the letter and answer all her questions about her father's family. I hope it works out for you. Keep your chin up- you did the right thing by moving back in with your mother.

Answer 3

Your children are on a need to know basis. They do not need to know all those details. If your husband remarries another you can tell them he remarried. If they ask why did he leave, you can say that your mother needed you and you left. After you left he remarried. Didn't he love you? they might ask... Yes but in the end not enough but he loves you children.
As far as your husband and his family it sounds like an unbearable situation. I don't know of too many people that would put up with that for long. The first clue is that you would take over the mothers place. That immediately sounds like, cooking, cleaning, waiting on them hand and foot, and sacrificing yourself for them (meaning money, gifts, time.)
The funny thing about controlling mother in laws is that they will say things to make them sound better even if it is a lie. I seriously doubt that she was fine with both pregnancies. She could have been but an understanding woman would realize that morning sickness happens to many many women and that it can be severe but only for a few months then the woman feels better usually.
She is not a sympathetic woman and seems to not encourage her son to make his marriage work only the opposite. She wants him all to herself. The whole family I am sorry to say seems to be a selfish family and want things or people only for their own satisfaction and really don't care about others feelings.
If he is seeing other women now then you really know how he is. He did not even wait nor is he willing to work out the marriage.
It seems all very one sided. He did not even acknowledge the work you did in that house. As far as him paying child support for 2 children he should and if they are his then he will be ordered to by the courts no matter if you have your marriage certificate or not. His mother does not want him to have to pay because it will mean less money and gifts for her and her daughter.
If they are his children he is under a godly and a legal obligation to take care of them at least finacially. If you are legally married you can get a copy of your marriage certificate at the court house or they can tell you exactly where to go for it. If you are not legally married then there is no problem in getting divorced because then you will not need to but you will need in either case for a judge to order child support.

Answer 4

If I were in your situation, maybe I would have tried to talk to him about his insensitivity to my needs and if he was completely unwilling to listen or to make any kindda adjustments to try and help the relationship, then I would leave him ,get a divorce and yes I would tell my children the truth once they are old enough to understand the underlying cause of the seperation.

Because as far as you have mentioned, he doesnt seem to be interested in staying married to you and he doesnt even want a wife. He does not even love you for heavens sake! You deserve someone who loves you and your daughter for who you are and who cares for you... You deserve someone a whole lot better and a pregnancy is just not the right grounds for a successful marriage.
Move on with your life.. You did the right thing because if you had stayed there ,then your life would have just become more miserable..
Make your life successful. Learn to be happy and dont let your children be affected by what hapened to you..
Once they are old enough to understand why you did what you did, then everything is going to be alright.

Answer 5

People take the truth pretty well most of the time and kids are resilient if for some reason they find out sooner than later. Love your children and try to keep some stability in their life and let them know you are and will always be there for them, that their best interest is always in your heart and it wont matter near as much as you think. Bonding with mom lasts like forever. I could have forgiven my mom for almost anything, she was my mom.

Although I would have lasted about as long as you did if that, being someones servant is worth nothing. You deserve to be treated lovely not like trash by trash.....hang in there and know that your kids will know they are okay by your love.............everything else is whatever it is.

Answer 6

truly hunny you deservemore in life. Theirs other guys out their tht would respect a woman w/a child. You may of thought this guy was ur one true love but actually hes still waiting so just move on and pay attention to ur daughter, and maybey even someday when he realizes the mistake he made not leaving w/u and his daughter he may just straigten up and come crawling back to u, or maybey by tht time you will have found someone else and not even want to bother w/him. Best of LUCK!!!!

Answer 7

You have made some not-so-good choices, haven't you? The first being getting involved with someone like he is to begin with. You deserve a wonderful life and you are the only one that can make it happen. Forget the loser! Sue him for child support and move on with you life. I would make him pay for the child, you didn't make her by yourself. . He acts just like his parents, and he will never be an adult, because they won't make his *** grow up and take responsiblity like a man should. I would say to hell with all of them and I would build a wonderful life for me and my kids.. . . .

Answer 8

Tell them the truth. exactly how you said it just now. You did not slander him, you didn't call him names, you were factual as you saw it. The truth is important andv as we all know, we all have our issues, and his family is his issue. he shouldn't be cursed or bad-mouthed, especially to the children.

I think you and your children have been blessed to have this man, and his family, out of your life. Get your degree and find someone better or better yet, achieve greatness on your own and find someone who appreciates you. You said yourself that he didn't show you anything, not any kind of attention or love. He just wants to impress his family, probably because his family never treated him as if he was worth anything. He will spend his whole life trying to prove something to them and because of this he has lost what he will, in the future, realize are the most important things in life... his own family..

Answer 9

Now, see it may be a bad thing but where I come from no one asks where is my daddy......mommy is daddy & sometimes we gain sometimes we lose but you sound like a good mother who can handle it......single parenting is not an easy thing but it is much better than having the kids in an unhappy enviornment - don't dwell on what's to come--look at what is---he is a jerk & your kids deserve better

Answer 10

Of course I would tell your kids... when they are mature and can handle the emotional blow that the truth about their father. You stayed in that situation longer than I would have. That's ridiculous you got treated that way and I wouldn't put up for it for one second longer. Divorce him, file for custody, and find a man that knows how to treat a woman right.