My bf and I have been dating for quite a while, and we are serious about marriage. We want to do it and are planning on it, but we aren't yet engaged. I was just wondering what could I possibly do to prepare even more for it?
We don't want to cohabitate first, because of personal reasons. Some other info is that we've been in a LDR since day one, since we met online 5 years ago.
Has anyone else had a similar situation? Maybe not the meeting online part, but just getting married in a long distance situation? we are wondering about where to have the wedding, where to live, etc. Thanks.
2007-12-17 17:16:44 · 4 answers · asked by Xahaira-66- 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I met my husband online and I was in the states he in sweden. We only were in an LDR for 7 months I cannot imagine 5 years. Anyway, Depending on where you are to get married, In your place or his, you would need a marriage license from that state. If you all are in different countries then find out the rules for that country. For example, We got married in Sweden. The rules here are you have to first get the rules of the country and or state from where you came then sign them acknowledging that you are not breaking them then you get the license in the mail then you go an make a date either at a church or at the courthouse. We did it at the courthouse.
In the states, I am from Kentucky, the rules are simple, Get the license, have 30 days to marry. Either at a church or courthouse.
So decide where you want to get married. The person who lives in that place should get it started, by getting the license and finding out the rules. Then agree where to marry, in your church or in the courthouse. Courthouse marriages are not so bad. If you have a lot of family that you want to invite then perhaps a church would be better because courthouses are usually small. That will take time to set up as you will need a person who is able to legally marry you. A third option for the states is something like a Chapel house. It is a place set up for marrying people that is basically a courthouse only prettier and proceeded over by a judge.
As far as where to live. That again is up to you. Do you want to live in your town, or his? Is it possible to check out his town (if you want to go there) to see if there is work? What about moving to just a whole new place after getting married.
Have you met each other in person yet? Have you actually seen each other? Do you know that he is being faithful to you?
One thing I did with my husband is that I created a new profile, I figured since he liked me if he was cheating he would like "me" I did my best to get him to "fall" for "me" again. He never did so I knew he wasn't cheating. or at least I felt satisfied. I also never ever told him I did something like that. So if you do don't say.
As for me I did the stupid things. I did not find out enough about my husband before marrying. He was sort of lazy. He knew we were getting married in Sweden but did not prepare. Also I foolishly thought that he could just come to the states without anything. Again I learned that he needs a visa and several other things. (He is iranian) So now I am in Sweden and cold. If I had known any different I may have still married him but I would have been better prepared to move him to the states now I cannot do it unless I go back alone and that means being seperated not something we are so willing to do right now.
So no matter where you decide to live, still have a back up plan because suppose and probably won't happen but suppose that you agree to live in your town and he says, I have to go back home to get my stuff and you end up in a situation that you do not like... have a back up plan. You do not have to tell him but have it just in case.
2007-12-17 19:35:43 · answer #1 · answered by bssd12000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I met my fiancee online and it has been a LDR but only bc hes in the Army. His hometown is about 20 min from mine. I guess i dont understand how you plan on doing this. Are u moving in together after u get married? if not i dont think ive ever heard of a long distance marriage. But i think you need to spend a large amount of time with him if not living together atleast in person for a while before u get married. I know there were things i learned about my fiancee after living with him for a month that i didnt know when we were spending a few days together then talking online
2007-12-17 17:56:19 · answer #2 · answered by Laura 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay so I understand about not wanting to live together before marriage, but if you've never lived close and have never really dated .. besides online and over the phone contact .. how do you really know if you'll get along that well over a period of time? I met my wife online several years ago, but she moved to where I was and we dated for almost a year before we ever moved into the 'let's get married' phase.
As far as where to live, move, etc. Who has the most stable employment? Whose job is more flexible and easier to obtain? Who makes the most money? Anyone got kids? There are so many things that you need to take into account.
2007-12-17 17:30:42 · answer #3 · answered by Curtis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My best advise is the two of you need to learn how to "cross bridges once you get to them."
First worry about cohabiting in the same city, then worry about the rest.
Good luck.
2007-12-17 17:26:05 · answer #4 · answered by box of rain 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋