Is It Healthy To Love Someone Who Has Abused You?

Question

I am not suggesting one permits abuse...
But is it healthy to love the abuser?

Answer 1

if the abuse never stops and the abused feeling of love never ceased, then we have some psychological issues to talk about. to love in general is healthy but the nature and environment surrounding this feelings must be taken into consideration. though you may not allow that person to hurt you again, but its just pretty normal to feel disgust towards that person who caused you pain once in you life. Loving that person with all your heart is a noble action, forgiveness together with forgetting the act is true challenge, if you surpassed that challenge then it is OK, but if you have further hesitations deep within you, i suggest for you to think it over once again. dont love him just for the sake of loving him and forgiving him, love him because you want to grow as a better person with him. If you cant see yourself doing that, then forget it. memories of the past are like ghost, their spirit hunts you even on your deepest sleep, and sometimes or oftentimes these spirits wont let you sleep.

Answer 2

As obviously stated before me, no, it is not healthy to love someone who has abused you.
But many rape, child abuse, or other abused persons find themselves identifying with, or even loving, their abuser.

I myself faced that dilema. I was severely abused, both mentally and physically, if you get my drift, and constantly battled my own thoughts. Did I hate this person? Or did I see why he did it? Could I learn to live like this? Is it alright? Is it okay, because millions of other people live in abusive situations. Yes, I hate/hated him. Yes, I can see why he did it. Yes, I did learn to live like that. But no, it wasn't okay.There was nothing that could change that. There was no way I could bring myself to believe what he did was right. What was done to me left a long lasting footprint. I had a lot of things taken away from me. But there was nothing that anyone could do that would make it alright.

My point in relaying this story is this: I hope that when selecting what you think the best answer is, that you consider the things abuse does to people. I myself have inner demons and sometimes irrational fears (like being touched by other people, etc.) because of it. I won't say the experience didn't make me stronger. That would be a lie. But I will say that what my father did to me left its mark. I can't say that loving him for what he did would be healthy. And I can't honestly say that I could even love him.

"You whom I could not save,
listen to me."
----Czeslaw Milosz "Dedication"

Answer 3

It is healthy to love the world even the abusive parts of it.

They call that compassion.

This belongs in philosophy because greater men than us have built entire thesis on what is love, how does it work, how does it grow in society and so on.

I am not a fan of Aristotle's believe that love is a disease to be treated as an impediment to reason.

I subscribe to a mor Augustinian view of love as a a state of existance that binds us one and all to one another.

If we alienate those who abuse us simply because they do so then when lose our ability to help them and to help our selves in the process.

This in no way says that we should let them hurt us. It simply means we should not cast them aside as though their existence is more important than our own.

If we are talking about physical abuse then that must be controlled as that has a life or death consequence to it.

But if we are just speaking about mental or social abuse then that is something that we as social beings should be able to deal with.

We should not thrown in the towel at the first sign of resistance. That will only make us the kind of person you does not question what if. As philosophers that would be unheard of.

My answer is yes, but I repeat, when the abuse becomes physical the the situation changes color and the the abuse must be controlled, in otherwords stopped , because, that then becomes the relationship.

Answer 4

Every abuser at one time was the abused, so where exactly is the line between abuser & abused. Allow no one to abuse you, some people are helped best at a distance, but always remember monsters are made not born.
Blessings.

Answer 5

With the Christian concept about love, yes it is healthy because with your love you can help him repent.! Which I doubt....

With the Psychological concept and common sense, no it is not healthy because an abuser is a malfunctioning personality that might be dangerous to your mental, emotional, even physical health.

Answer 6

I do not like - and I DISLIKE abusive people. However, love has nothing to do with emotions. Love is inherent, it is a given which works as the conscience. Feelings of 'being fond of' anyone is a liking rather than love. Love is like a principle of equality.Even when you dislike someone your conscience does not refuse to acknowledge his rights, wether you are passionate about him or not. That is love

Answer 7

in perfectly healthy, and in some cases even a benefit/good quality to have, since it allows you, even in the midst of your pain to have compassion for the abuser, and more...but i can't explain because my lack of experience.

but the abuser is constantly abusing you, it's likely that your love will keep you close to their actions, keeping you abused, so it's healthiER to try and cut the connection.

Answer 8

why is this under philosophy?

well in my opinion...

i know for a fact that it is unhealthy to love the abuser back

from the looks of it...you seem to love the abuser because you solely depend on him

if you dont...then if i were you...you should leave before things get worse..

philosphically, your supporting his thesis by you being his scapegoat

wheres your thesis? dont you believe that your a human being? and that you have choices?

Answer 9

> Is it a threat for an emotionally healthful guy or woman to truthfully love an volatile abuse sufferer? < i won't be able to see a reason for 'Why no longer'? now and lower back, an different guy or woman can force us up the bloody wall, and whether their behaviour might desire to get interior the way now and lower back, it (oftentimes) does not provide up us from Loving that guy or woman. i will understand your receiving messages from dad and mom approximately being a 'failure' (I had the comparable from my Dad, as did my Brother), yet ...did you fairly obtain the comparable varieties of massages from > instructors, and friends < as to being > valueless, incompetent, stupid, and unworthy of love < ? of course, you do (and could) communicate from journey, and in case you have been in the process the spectrum of > the (few) adult adult males who've ever been interested in me have the two had a knight in shining armor complicated and have been purely involved with the aid of fact they needed somebody to restoration, or they have been abusive and mandatory somebody to belittle, dominate, and step on. < then i think of you have performed wll to easily stay to tell the tale all of them. As to the > no person has truthfully enjoyed ME, for who i'm (if this is even a threat). < which i might wager as 'must be a a threat'. this is a threat that this is somewhat confusing to ''Love you for who you're'' with the aid of fact it would desire to correctly be confusing to confirm Who there is and What there is to love among the tangle of the wreckage you communicate approximately! Who or the way you will locate this guy or woman.......! i'm fairly sorry on your project, and definitely desire which you detect what / who this is which you want. safeguard you. Sash.

Answer 10

It is healthy only if your heart too feels Love without any hidden hatred towards the person whom you are loving, else the saying 'Forgive Thy Enemy' has no Sense and Sincerity.