My wife and I have been married for 11 years. We have (3) children. She is 31 and I am 38 years old. She is a wonderful wife in every aspect, but one. Also, she is a wonderful loving mother to our children. She does desire and enjoy intimacy, kissing, hugging, romance etc.
She tells me that she is fully contented with our marriage and relationship. I told her that I still need to release my desire through masturbation, which she understands.
I am ok with masturbating to satisfy my desire, even for the long-term. She is too good of a wife to let one issue, even a big one hurt our relationship.
2007-12-17 12:31:38 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That's total BS, Joe D. At the very least, she should lend you a helping hand and let you get off on her. Are you a man or a total wimp? You're going to go solo the next 50 years of your life like a priest?
2007-12-17 12:35:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
If all you needed sex for was mechanical release, then yeah, it would be somewhat hollow, but you could survive with that spartan approach. But,another important reason for sexual expression is the bond and closeness it fosters between a loving couple, and this facet, no matter how wonderful other aspect of your marriage may be, is a tremendous void for you two, and therefore a wound of some consequence. Since you say things are otherwise great between you, we'll eliminate resentments and feelings of betrayal from consideration as possible causes for her loss of desire. Next you should investigate whether there is a physiological cause. After a couple has been married for more than a decade, the "routine" takes on a life of its own, and it's easy to lose oneself in the roles you have to fulfill...it can happen to either partner, this ennui, but maybe between you two it's happened to your wife. It may be beneficial to try counseling to try to reconnect a bit, or it may be as simple a fix as taking a little personal time off together every now and then to just be the lovers you started out being. Good luck to you.
2007-12-17 20:51:54 · answer #2 · answered by Captain S 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you quite understand where she stands on her sexual or lack of sexual desires and then proceed to tell her that you accept it, however, you will be taking on a mistress for the next how ever long your needs need to be met. She is too young to be losing interest in that area and you are too young to be giving it up. These are the things that lead to midlife crisis'. (Make sure she is mentally looking at sex in the right way. ) Good luck. Oh, and 3 kids is exhausting, take alittle slack and she may have more energy for you. Maybe you both could plan a night together, w/o kids and then get freaky. Give her a great night in bed and she may come back begging. If your ok with masterbating, that sounds like you don't want to put alot of effort in for pleasure. After rereading, you didn't mention how much you want it. Is she giving already 3 nights a week and you want it everynight so you masterbate the other 4 nights?? If thats the case...um your lucky. If she is once a month then try the above stuff.
2007-12-17 20:55:51 · answer #3 · answered by rap is back. 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok..this is the problem.. when we get married...it should be with the stipulation that we will recieve all the comforts of companionship, a friend, a home to share, a family to have, financial sharing...AND this INCLUDES sex....
I KNOW you feel she is good wife and mother, but technically, she's not. It would be one thing if she couldn't have sex... or was damaged in some way and not able to have sex (Like an accident). Then you would still be obligated, because it wasn't her fault. But at this point, she says, she doesn't want any.
Saying she is a good wife, is like saying that an abusive father is a good father. He may be great all the other times, taking the kids out for pizza every friday, sharing stories of how to grow up, reading and taking care of his kids... but bring him the wrong can of soda and he will beat you nearly to death... otherwise he is GREAT outside of that.
I say this calls for a separation till she can wake up and understand that there is ANOTHER person in this marriage besides her! She will drive you into the arms of another woman and that is wrong! She can't just make a DECISION like that...
2007-12-17 20:40:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sorry very unhealthy state of affairs, she is your wife not yous sister or your mother, sex is not just to satisfy a physical need, but a joining of soul a transference of loving energy from one body to another.
She understand masturbation!!!!!!!!.
I wonder how understanding she will be, when one day you will meet a lady that will find you an exiting and erotic person and will want to make love to you in all way that is possible, this other lady not only will want you in her bed but you will feel proud and rich for being there.
I think your wife needs help, as I said at the beginning she is not your mother or sister, you may have to go with her to a sexual dysfunction clinic to found out what is going on, help her out
2007-12-17 20:52:14 · answer #5 · answered by Loretta M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the quiz under Is It A Problem at pornaddicthubby.com.
Maybe your wife doesn't want to be with you because your porn use/mastrbation is way out of balance with a real, normal sex life. Porn isn't bad but when it takes the place of normal healthy relations it is a problem. Can you see yourself sitting in front the PC as an old guy at 75 doing the same thing night after night after night all by yourself? Stop looking for affirmation from strangers and get your sex life back.
2007-12-17 23:55:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Would she be willing to go with you to marital counseling? If she doesn't even want to talk about it with someone who could actually help, then there IS a problem. You won't even go 10 more years without sex. You're a man. You need it, you know it. Get real. Get her to a therapist.
2007-12-17 20:49:49 · answer #7 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sex is one of the things that come along with being a wife and its her duty to keep you happy. i mean yeah she may not need sex as much as you and masturbating can help but not for the rest of your marriage she needs to see that you need her that way.. maybe she fears getting pregnant and that is why she stays away from sex. in all aspects she should be your partner in bed and out of bed
2007-12-17 20:42:21 · answer #8 · answered by KING AND ME 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If that is working for you than why are you asking us? If you want to know what I think........she needs to see a doctor. She is 31. The only reason I can think of that she doesn't want sex with you is that she doesn't love you. She is only staying in the marriage for the sake of the children.
If it were me? I would drag her to a doctor and marriage counseling.
2007-12-17 20:44:31 · answer #9 · answered by Dave G 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
yes but you'll be very resentful, most likely very angry eventually. that will be poison to your marriage. get to a marriage conselor right away. at least you can talk about this and be sure you can live like this forever.
chances are you can't
2007-12-17 20:45:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋