My boyfriend and I have been exclusive for a year now. We are in love!!!! He is definitely the one for me and I am the love of his life, and marriage is for sure in our future. But not just yet. I just found out this past weekend that he is legally married!!! I came across the papers. About 4 years ago, his mom and her really good friend came to him crying saying that her daughter couldn't go to school in America and they were going to send her back to Mexico. Well my boyfriend has known her for years and she is practically family and he felt bad. So they made an agreement to marry so she can become legal and then divorce. When finding all of this out and having him explain this to me, I wasn't quite sure how to take it or how to feel. He told me that no one knows about it except for them, and he was going to talk to his mom about telling me, because it was important for me to know. So how would you feel about something like this? How would you react? I am really confused.. Help.
2007-12-17 12:13:05 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He says as soon as she gets her citizenship they will divorce. Now can they divorce with her just having a green card? I am CONFUSED! What does annulled mean?
2007-12-17 12:17:50 · update #1
And I have talked to his mother about it, and it was just to get her legalized. No relationship or love involved. Just papers.
2007-12-17 12:19:29 · update #2
I just think that first of all your boyfriend should have told you about it in the first place,because trust in relationship is very important. He is legally married and even he is not in love with her and it was just kind of business he still should have the conversation with you.Because getting married is not like buying something, it may affect your future with him because now he must take divorce and it migth take sometime.Anyway it is not he point, he wanted to help, fine...
however, why was not he honest with you in the first place?
was he afraid that he might loose you?,,,.,probably. I think you must sit together and have a proper conversation about it, bec any relationship should be based on trust and understanding.And as long you both really love each other i believe that u will overcome any obstacles together.But conversation, communication is the key...Don`t try to neglect it and leave it because you do not want him to hide something like this from in the future,hope i help u a little.
2007-12-17 12:28:33 · answer #1 · answered by ANN 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, if its been 4 years, why haven't they divorced yet?
And he really should have told you, instead of waiting a year. If its really that innocent, then it wouldn't have been a problem in the first place. Hiding it from you just looks bad. Don't leave him just because of that, but just take it to heart. Make it known that he needs to end the marriage right now, because its wrong to still be involved like that. Also, she can rip him off for any money that he has because they've stayed married so long, so I hope you're prepared for that.
2007-12-17 12:18:10 · answer #2 · answered by MohawkPrincess 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Actually it sounds like your guy is really a caring individual. He gave up something very real and important for another human. Obviously they don't live together or anything like that. They have passed the legal limit for a "convenience" marriage so all he needs to do is get a divorce. I would think there should be no real problems there. In fact the girls parents should pay for it as they "begged" him to do this.
He doesn't love her so you should not be jealous of anything. Perhaps you should admire him for doing something so unselfish as this for his mother and the girl. If he is truly that way he should be a great catch for you because he will never put himself first in the marriage.
Be patient let them work out the legal details and then jump in with both feet and live happily ever after.
2007-12-17 12:23:26 · answer #3 · answered by Cliff R 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I thought you started this out by saying you've been together for a year and are exclusive. Exclusive does not include a wife. Wow, and it's been four years and he hasn't even made an attempt to divorce her or whatever? Something isn't right. It doesn't even make for a good lie. It sounds like he is going to get his Mom to lie for him. It is your choice, but please, don't be a fool. This guy has more to hide, who's to say what it is. If marriage was ever in the future with you he really should have mentioned he was ALREADY married!!!
Don't run, but please, please be cautious. I'd have to hear it from her too. I wouldn't beleive just him or his Mom.
Be careful!!! You were taught as a girl not to play with fire, this guy is SMOKING HOT!!!
2007-12-17 12:19:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would feel very very pissed off that this guy didn't tell you from the start. Sure, it's a marriage of convience, but how long would you be waiting to marry him? In other words, if he gets a divorce, it could take a long time considering they were married for 4 yrs. If I were you, I'd dump him. If he didn't tell you about being married.... He could be hiding something else too. Like maybe children.
Take Care and Merry Christmas!
Cindy
xoxo
2007-12-17 12:18:44 · answer #5 · answered by agarthfan_1999 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well the way i see it he loves you not her right? is there anything sexual going on between them? ffinally are there any feelings for eachother which would lead you to believe that they are more than friends. Also how serious is this relationship between you two. Another thing i was an Immigration paralegal, if she was legally here when they married and it's been more than 4 years he needs to do an inquiry because it's way too long. Any person seeking a resident status only takes 2-3 years max especially if this was done over 4years ago and he is a citizen. You can also get questions answered on the immigration website: http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis
2007-12-17 12:25:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would react by saying he's sensitive and kind enough to do something like that for a family friend. He seems wonderful and compassionate and caring. Listen to what he says.
Go to his mother if you are concerned. Just remember he does not love this girl, he loves you.
He didn't tell you at first because it is illegal, and he could get into trouble. The fact that he trusts you with this is serious, I think you should let it go. Even though he is committing a crime, and this usually goes against all my morals, he's doing it to help a dear friend. I'd feel lucky to have a boyfriend with such a caring heart.
2007-12-17 12:19:16 · answer #7 · answered by Rose Willow 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think I'd feel pretty lousy that he didn't tell you he was married. I also think he has a problem with ethics in marrying someone on paper. Both things , the lie, and the deceiptful/illegal activity of marrying someone on paper are things that would rule him out as a partner for me. I'd kick him to the curb and find someone more honest to have a future with. Sorry if that sounds harsh, it's just direct/ honest and what I think.
2007-12-17 12:17:51 · answer #8 · answered by Mildred S 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He got used. but the lady (or he) can file for divorce, and she has citizenship after three years. { It's a common ploy... Middle Easterners/ Latinos/ Phillippinos etc, anyone from a Third World country will try to marry and American, stay married three years, then 3 yeas + 1 day file for divorce... (I'd probably do that too------ anything to get out of some of those countries....)
2007-12-17 12:18:22 · answer #9 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would wonder why he is still married after 4 years? Have you met everyone in his family or has he kept you from them? Have you been to his house where he lives? Is he telling the truth? If he did something illegal like this I would question his integrity and would have doubts about his honesty. I think you should have a lot of questions!
2007-12-17 12:17:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋