im in love with my boyfriend of 6yrs. we have a 5 yr old daughter. he is my world for so many reasons. too many for me to name. but on the surface neither one of us is perfect. he has been in prison(twice), been with numerous women, has at least 6 possible kids from 4 different women, he has cheated repeatedly and barely knew the meaning of being "committed", has a long criminal history(none of it violent, well one was but it was justified). he also has never held a legal job. but he has grown and changed and is now a great man and a loving father. i have also cheated many times (including w/ his cousin), ive been with many guys,had a paternity issue w/ him regarding our daughter. ive also done many questionable things to him and have had issues being faithful. most people dont support us. our parents say "go for it". our friends and other family think we're both crazy. we are in love and want to be married. our pasts are just that and we've changed. what should we do?
2007-12-17 11:49:12 · 16 answers · asked by the_kid_doesnt_care 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
first thank you all for the positive comments. let me add details to help further this. we are both currently not cheating, he is working and takes care of all his kids, we are both spiritually growing, i am in school working on a second degree. our daughter is in a good school and an accomplished dancer(she's been dancing since 2 yrs old). we spend equal time with all the kids. neither one of us drink or do drugs and we're both disease free. marriage is our obvious next step but we are getting so much opposition. i just really want the approval of my loved ones. i know i should follow my heart but i sometimes feel i may be making a mistake even though we've both seemed to change. i know its easy to fall back into our bad habits.
2007-12-17 12:28:14 · update #1
No relationship is perfect and 6 years is a very long time. I would definitely think you should follow your heart. Only you know if you guys have really changed, and if that's right. I say go for it. Love is such a beautiful thing and you have to remember you have your lovely daughter to think about as well. I'm sure she would love to have a family... with both her mom and dad
2007-12-17 12:09:00 · answer #1 · answered by LovelyBella73 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most people do, and no one is perfect... But those who make the biggest mistakes are those people who knowingly marry those who are truly flawed.... dopers, abusers, cheaters, psychopaths, idiots, those with no work ethic, men who have been a sperm donor to dozens of women (note they are not fathers). The people who do this are desperate----- they have a personality defect..... They will live with and put up with anyone just not be alone. and our schools are filled with their mal-adjusted children.... Ask any teacher. We have heard it all.
Looks like you each deserve each other. And, hopefully each of you has changed.... if for no other reason that to be better parents to children who never asked to be born. And do both of you a favor... have no more children. Your daughter will cost you $250,000 to age 18, (And it is unlikely he will be supporting the others to any degree) and that is with no extras --- no art lessons if she shows talent, no music lessons, no gymnastic nor ballet lessons, no symphony tickets for ALL of you so that this kid will know that music is stuff other than rap, no summer camps, nor horseback riding lessons. In other words the bare minimum.... television, computer games, clothes, shoes, food and school. big deal.
Should you stay together? Of course. And be great parents. Your child is depending on you.
2007-12-17 12:09:57 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one is perfect....and YIKES!! talk about dramaaaa!!!! You need to work on your issues with a professional and provide your daughter with a sound and secure foundations. Glad you are changing, but that is never an overnight thing. You have crammed more crap into 6 years than most do in a life time. I Wish you peace and the same for your child.
2007-12-17 12:01:26 · answer #3 · answered by that judi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what? If you can hang on to each other through all of that, that is a truly incredible relationship. If you both have honestly changed and love each other that much, you will have a successful marriage. I am impressed...
So look forward! Don't look back. Keep yourselves on the right track and I am certain you will grow old together and have a successful life
2007-12-17 11:59:09 · answer #4 · answered by Cochy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are NOT ugly, no sir! Hannah is a lucky girl to have someone feel the way about her the way you do. I know it seems like the worst thing, but remember that life goes on. I'm in her shoes, and if she doesn't like you back then you have to move on at your own pace and be a friend to her like you were before. I know it's hard to think about how she feels, but I know how it feels, because I'm there. It is so hard to have to tell a friend that you care about that you don't like them like that. I'm sure she wishes she could, but it just isn't like that. It doesn't mean anything bad about you, it's just the way things are. But who knows? Things could change in the future! You are a great, amazing person who is going to be her friend for a long time and I'm sure your friendship is more valuable then anything at the moment.
2016-05-24 10:28:28 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow...okay here goes....do u love each other? ask each other that question....if its real love and not lust....both of u need to grown up now....6 yrs is too long to be in an unstable relationship....both of u need to get a legal job and stop cheating....do this first then think of marriage...unless and until ur partner has a legal job, is responsible and has not cheated then think about marriage....and u need to stop cheating too....marriage is about responsibility and fidelity......if u both cant do that, then marriage is not a good idea....change is needed first....
2007-12-17 11:59:45 · answer #6 · answered by Sony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
holy crap.
Being married means growing up, are you ready for that?
I think that if EACH of you can go one year with out cheating, going to jail, committing any crimes, get real jobs, and maybe if you join a church..... then maybe.
Marriage benefits men more than it does women.... you'll be working, cleaning, and taking care of the kid, you better make sure he gets a real job or you'll be sorry.
2007-12-17 11:56:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Less than perfect, eh? Marry the cheating, lying, violent, cannot-hold-a-job-con man. He sounds like the perfect father figure for your daughter.
2007-12-17 11:55:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well it seems like both of you have done your dirt, so if you really love eachother I would say put the past behind you and go for it. That is if it's what you really want.
2007-12-17 11:55:40 · answer #9 · answered by tc22 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THAT is how you define "less tan perfect?" Oh my lord. The relationship is a disaster.
But hey, if you're okay with it, then go for it. If he's what makes you happy and you are willing to take him as he is, then more power to you.
2007-12-17 12:01:23 · answer #10 · answered by Yup Yup Yuppers 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋