How do I search for what makes me....me?

Question

Lately i have been having some marrital problems and I think some of them are because I have unrelistic expections of my husband. I have no loving family so I rely a lot on him. I have put all my focus and attention on my husband and my son. I am a great wife and a wonderful mother but other then that I know nothing about myself. I think if I develop a sense of who I am I would be an even better mom and wife and I would feel more whole. How can I begin to search for what makes me .. me.

I'm a stay at home mom

Answer 1

Hi there. Try these:
1. Meet your old buddies.
2.Take up a course.
3.Try to let your spouse understand what you're going through.
4.Take some time to do what you like the most.
5.Join a community service group.
6.Go out and share your experience with others about how to be the good wife and mom you said. It really helps you understand yourself much better.
7. Read up on something. Join a club,but don't strain your family.
8.Work out.
9.Watch some good movies.
10.Reflections.
11.Be faithful in your believes.

Good luck.

Answer 2

You are locked into the wife / mother life right now, but it will not be forever. Soon enough your child will leave home and your husband will find himself a girl friend. I am only half joking on the second. Continue to be all you can be and promised to be to these people, BUT stash money when ever you can and never tell a soul. NOT in a bank account where it collects a little interest that must be reported on your income taxes. I am talking about in a jar in the back of the closet. When the jar becomes full, exchange the money for larger bills. Someday, you will be ready to move on and this stash will be your way out. Have fun with what you have and remember YOUR PROMISED (those wedding vows).

Answer 3

I know what you mean. We moved to a different country 2 years ago with no family around, and here is where I realized just how much I lost myself and depended on my husband for everything! It is something that just happens sometimes, not really your fault or his. I took time to figure out what exactly do I like doing? You're right too, once you feel more whole you can give more back to your family. Start doing things you liked before you got married. If you liked to dance, take a dance class. If you like to read, join a book club. For me, I wanted to stop being depressed all the time, and get into shape, so I joined an exercise class. Do you have any hobbies? It would be good to get around other people so you have someone besides your husband to talk to. It's always good to have a couple of girlfriends you can just talk about girl stuff with, like clothes and hairdo's, or whatever! If you're having marital problems I would say also try having alone time with your husband. Do something fun like invite him out on a date. Since you don't have family around, you could start interviewing mature high school students or college students as potential babysitters so you have the option of going out alone or with your husband. I know when my husband and I were having problems, not being able to go out every now and then seemed to intensify them! I am wishing for the best for you and your marriage!

Answer 4

I think what your problem is that you are putting too much focus on your mate and offspring and not enough on yourself which is the case for most mothers.
As a mother you have the pressure to everything and if something (that isn't the family vehicle) goes wrong, it's your fault.

If I were you, I'd try to get involved in a new and exciting project. What interests you? Science, theology, art? I'm not sure if you're a House Wife or if you have a full time job, but something new included in your life that doesn't involve them is benefical.

If you would like to contact me for better help my email is [e-mail]

Answer 5

Sometimes we do so much for our family that we start to notice us slipping away. It is a wonderful thing you are a great Mother and Wife. Find some hobbies that you think you will enjoy and have your husband watch your son for awhile. Start going out with your friends that you have lost track of. Make new friends. You will eventually find yourself.

Answer 6

i like the "go to church" answer.

i know exactly what you are talking about. for me, i have horses that give me a sense of self. since my 5 yr old son has been diagnosed with cancer, i am learning all i can so i can become an active advcate.

my suggestion, try a bunch of different things...crafty things, sporty things, whatever. if it's something you think you would never, in a million years, enjoy, try it anyway. you'll learn more about yourself, and may find a few new hobbies...as well as make new friends.

best of luck finding yourself!

Answer 7

I feel the same way you do. i got this ideal in my head on how I want marriage to be but my husband is totally different and it's causing me to have marriage problems and dislike my husband

Answer 8

try taking some online classes or classes at a local community college. they can really open your eyes to what you truly like. also try a new hobby....painting, ceramics, stained glass, these are some things my mom does.

Answer 9

Get a job, sounds like you need to get out of the house.

Answer 10

Go to church.