Has anyone felt like how I feel? What do I do?

Question

Here goes. I am 25 and dated a girl for over 4 years then got married. We were married for under 3 months and out of the blue she left me because she didnt want to be married anymore. Now I am engaged to a differant girl and she is the most wonderful woman in the world. I just cant shake the feeling that she might just give up on me or find someone else and take off aswell. I am totally over my ex wife and now love my new fiance with all my heart. But my insecurity is getting the best of me. I dont want to hurt the relationship I'm in now. My ex hurt me and I told myself from the start that I wasnt going to hold anything against my new lady. So if you have any advise for me please give it. Thank you for your time.

Answer 1

I don't blame you for feeling insecure - relationships are serious business, and a serious risk. Look at it this way - when you go skydiving, it's natural to feel apprehensive; what if the parachute doesn't open? It can happen. But if you really want to skydive, you have to learn to accept the uneasy feeling as a part of the package. Sh1t happens, but don't let it stop you from living your life and doing things you really want to do. If you feel that you want to be in a relationship, that you want to be married and have a family - there are some risks that you will just have to take. There's no way around it. Good luck.

Answer 2

The first step is to be aware of it- and you've already done that, so that's good.

The second step is to tell your lady how you are feeling. It's a hard conversation, but it's necessary. If she knows where you are coming from, she will understand if you act a little weird about things, and you can work through it together.

Time will help, it really will. I went through almost exactly the same thing, but I was the new woman. My (now) husband broke up with me twice for no reason, before he finally got it together and we got engaged. It was very hard to go through, and I wish he had just told me how he was feeling instead of freaking out and pushing me away. It all worked out in the end, but by then I had my own trust issues to work through.

Thankfully, we got through it together. The key has been communication. If something upsets me, I tell him. If something bothers him, he tells me. We always feel better after we talk.

Keep reminding yourself that all people are different, and that your new girl deserves a chance. Give her time to win and keep your trust, and be trustworthy in return. You never know, this could be your happy ending.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Can u feel a difference w/ this one then the last one? Is it a stronger connection? If u can answer yes to that then trust her. As hard as it may be u can't hold her responsible for the way ur ex was, she is a completely different person. It's hard but ur gonna have to give in to her and put ur feelings out there (damn I need to take my own advice) anyways, u can't put up a shield w/ her becuz of ur ex. U only live once, everyone gets hurt and everyone falls in love. The only way u'll push her away is by not believing in her.

Answer 4

Pick up an bible,get saved if your not already,and ask God to tell you if this love is real or not and he will tell you, I understand to some point what your feeling but if you trust in God,he will talk to you through experiences I believe and once you see and understand to a point what he has bee showing you over time you insecuritys will be gone, and God will give you all the security you need because if you guys togther is in his will nothing will stop it and you will learn not to give up even when hard times come along. I really hope I helped God bless you brother

Answer 5

Now why would you go and ask this woman to marry you if your having second thoughts? You need to be fair to her and tell her instead of dragging her through this with the possibility it will never happen. If she loves you as much as you say you love her then I'm sure she can show you everything will be fine.

Answer 6

Speaking from experience. Nothing in life is guaranteed. Give up the ghost, love as much as you can even if you get hurt, time is wasted on "what ifs". Anyone who has been burned by love knows what it is to love, so count yourself lucky that you know. Your engaged, you moved on, don't dwell on "what if she leaves me" or judge her on your past. It is your past, not hers. Give it a chance...That whole better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all, is so true!

Answer 7

Wow you were burned pretty badly but believe me this isn't going to happen this time around. Talk to your girl friend - tell her your fears - she will be able to reassure you. I know this happened to a friend of mine whose wife left after 5 years of marriage. Well 5 years into his present marriage he started acting strangely - his wife (my friend) couldn't understand what was going on until she put two and two together and figured out he was afraid he was going to lose her. They are up to ten years now and still have the perfect marriage.

Answer 8

Ok, I'm the new girl. My boyfriend was engaged before me and she left him. He has the same issues as you do (we're not engaged) I'm going to tell you what I tell him when I see that look in his eyes. " I'm not her, I'm here to stay, and I don't give up that easily." Next time you feel that way, go to her, grab her up and tell her how much you adore her being in your life. Love her more than you could love anyone.....she will love you just as much back. Good luck! ;)

Answer 9

don't worry and give your new lady a chance.
they are not the same person!
if you let what happened in the past get the best of you, you will never know what could had been!
good luck!

Answer 10

Well, if you love her with all of your heart, dont be afraid of getting hurt. "Tis better to have loved then lost then to have never loved at all" remember that! And being hurt only makes you stronger.