What do I do about My screaming 4 year old who has been taking tantrums?

Question

Recently I have stopped giving my son time outs.. which only lasted 2 or 3 minutes or until he calmed down... because child services was called on me... my neighbour probably thought the worse.. of me.. which honestly i have never ever hit him.. he screams so loud as if someone is hurting him.. and i can understand why someone would think that,.,, Does anyone have this similiar problem.. because i am totally stressed out and feel alone in this.. I have no idea what to do now.. in fear of his outbursts when he does not get his way.

Please help..
Thank you.. i love my son and i want as much advice as i can get before this is more out of control

In addition to what i mentioned earlier, i have been very calm and neutral with him when he is screaming and eventually he does stop. I have always tried to talk with my son and explain things to hime consequence of actions sort of thing... and it does work.. but not all the time.. I am a single mom. His dad has never had interest and I think he is exhibiting his frustration based on a "no dad" anxiety.. and daycare kids also have a big impact on him as there are two aggressive boys in his class now.. and It all started this year... I have examined my behaviour and i am not a perfect parent however i strive to be the most supportive and loving mother i can be. I just feel as though he is running the house all of a sudden and I need a little help in determining how to cope with these outbursts. '

thank you..

Answer 1

OK. It is about the power of your intention. Intention is the inner conviction you have of Knowing. This knowing, is thought and spoken through your Intention, always. Always. So...........before you approach your son, you need to reinforce your intention in your mind first. Feel what your true intention is.....feel centered and calm......and decide what the truth is in this moment about the situation. Listen to your inner voice within. Hear it. Then act on it with intention knowing that you have the loving power in you to be the mother. The boy is a child with the evolution of a child. You will become centered in the truth, and consciously use your intention in ways that heal and nurture your boy. You can do it. Think it, intend it, do it. Love to you, friend.

Answer 2

This is all about who's boss. Your child has learned how to control you and does it to push your buttons. You have to learn to keep calm, keep your voice calm, keep your face absolutely neutral, and be consistent about it all the time during tantrums. Pretend that you don't hear the screaming. Pretend that nothing bothers you. Everything you do has to remain neutral and unemotional. It's hard, but doable. Once he learns that the tantrums don't have any effect on mommy, they'll stop.

At the same time, you also need to teach him about making rational choices. This kind of behavior leads to that consequence, etc. If you do X, then Y will happen, but if you W, something then Z will happen instead. However, do not make the consequences "mean", such as "if you don't pick that toy up right now I'll throw it in the garbage". I.E. don't threaten your child.

Children need to be able to make choices for themselves, but you have to limit what those choices are. They also need to know that your own behavior is predictable. If you are unpredictable, then your son will be confused and if he has learned to be scared of your reactions you need to let him know he is always safe around you.

You should also probably seek a professional parenting counselor.

Answer 3

Keep this in heart and mind, as regards a 4-year old. He is a manchild, which puts him and you -- as his mom -- in a whole other category right at the start.

The manchild takes in life differently than a womanchild, it is in the very genome of the boy. Know this, I was once a boy and do know the eddies and frequencies of how life comes in, like breakers upon a shoreline. The boy does not so readily adjust as does the girl, right from birth. Curiously, the incidence rates of mortality are higher among boys than among girls.

Now, a boy is a summary creature, a remarkable quality. And there exists an especial bond that takes hold between a mother and son, so much so that now few down through the ages have mocked this and even there was the "Oedipus Complex" got up years ago among the Psychology circles; and there is too that measure of envy or disdain that a woman can hold as regards men's honor for their mothers. Little can be or should be done about this. It is nature, in the genes of both mother and son.

Know that a son never forgets. For when to a mother all else feels or appears lost or gone to her, even if she has mistreated the son, he will take care, watch over, and sacrifice for his mom in some way. And not unlike the horse, he is a noble creature to the very end. This is outrageously true of a minority manchild, for whom mom is too often the only secure trust he will have ever had in an otherwise truly scornful world.

Second, do not do this alone. He needs nurturing but so do you.

Seek out those who are willing to help, whether from an experienced mother or from formal means, such as from someone trained at this -- or gotten with a group of moms who choose to gather and exchange and share, and who can empathize with your circumstance. They can become great allies to you, and may pick up something you overlook --'could even be a subdued medical condition in him you could not have perceived, or conceived of. Like with writing any paper, you are good to have someone else to edit your work first before presenting it...

Now, any children -- any -- know energy and can read energy well just like one would scan a morning newspaper. Like animals, they have that ability to register and express what comes into them. You may not be even cognizant of what you are expressing in this respect, as to what unrest dwells within you, but which the boy can pick up at once but has not yet the capacity to articulate.

Mind you, again, he is a manchild, and does respond with considerable dispatch -- as you do so well take note of. The manchild blows off at once and then settles; not so true of the womanchild. This is part of that summary nature of a boy -- to the point -- you court him, he does not court you...

Put aside any pride, for in a child of 4 -- especially a manchild -- this is an age in a very fundamental and pivotal range of maturity. So allow that both you and him get the alliance of others, for at 4 years of age, he is just preceding the time in which he is preparing for the kindergarten level where he truly begins to first meet the world.

A boy is but a man waiting to happen. In this world still, certain powers are still deferred to the man to carry, who can wield nations and can bring to bear things that can nurture or destroy millions of people. So bear rapt attention. You are treating yourself best by doing so.

Answer 4

I work in a store and I am a parent you HAVE to stop buying things.. you have to stop putting things in the basket.. he HAS to learn how to take "NO" for an answer. you are doing him a great disservice by giving into him - he will have an impossible time as an adult handling "NO" trust me I would WAY rather see a mom say NO and the kid throw a fit but the mom NOT give in that a mom who gives in -because I know she is only training her kid to behave bad every time he wants something.. what kind of husband will your son grow up to be?? you MUST mean NO.. you must say NO alot and dont worry if he throws a fit.. eventually he wil unlearn the bad behavior you have reinforced... DONT BUY STUFF - he has you trained.. he will not be able to cope in a world where he will hear a lot of NO's in the future by other people... EDIT.. I know some people wrote suggesting you leave the store.. that may be good if you are in a toy store or something but if you are buying grocerys or something he finds boring he will soon learn that throwing a fit is a good way to get you to leave... you need to shop and get things done.. leaving isnt getting you what you need to get done so its not always the answer.

Answer 5

Everything is energy, and children like to get there share of it.
Look at your attention towards him, do you give him attention when he is "bad", do you praise "good" behaviour.
Does he feel loved, do you give him special time.
Do you tell him, his daddy loves him and he is lovable.
Do you feed him food that is not processed, such as vegetables mashed at time of eating.
Does he have sufficient rest and play time.
Look at what is in his environment, much chemical and synthetic wares can push a child over the top. eg plastics, lead in paint, nylon furnishings, drycleaning is particularly bad, sprays, cleaning products, these will all affect the sensitive, and create behaviour in them, which demonstrates as "over the top" behaviour.
Many children diagnosed as ADD or ADHD have these items in their environment, and this is the cause.
Today's children are more sensitive, therefore we must protect them from the harmful additives and chemical ingredients that are in the atmosphere.

Please try to relax about this, get some time out, give him some time out, can you have a change, either environment, or have someone babysit so you can rest.

Talk to your neighbours and tell them what is occuring, so that they will be supportive and not be concerned for his well-being.
Trust in your intuition, learn to listen to what this tells you about this situation, difficult when you are stressed, hence my advice to have time out and relax.

Ask your son, what is upsetting him, watch and see if he is more difficult after certain meals.

I trust you will get much helpful advice and this "problem" will ease.

Answer 6

You absolutely must discipline your child. Time outs are not against the law. I'm sorry that someone called social services about that. I think the key to stopping tantrums is to have the same consequence every time and to NEVER EVER EVER let them get what they want when they have a tantrum. They stop eventually.

Answer 7

I would begin examining my own behaviour. See if any of that might have had any effect upon his actions and feelings.

Most kids imitate parents and other adults. They also act out towards unpleasant events and environments. You are probably divorced and he's reacting to that. Maybe you might ask him why he has outbursts, if he is of talking age.

Answer 8

well, if you are afraid of the noise he makes, he has certainly accomplished his goal...he is now in charge isn't he. If your neighbors can't mind their own business, I suggest you invite them over for the next tantrum, and let them listen to him scream while he is having his time out. If you do not correct his behavior, and do it consistently, he will find ever more inventive ways to act out and run your life. YOU ARE THE PARENT. He needs to know that.

Answer 9

NEVER give in, go back to time outs NOW, even if he screams bloody murder, eventually he will outgrow it, but don't give in, you might have to sit outside or in the hallway till he quiets down so your neighbor will mind their own business

Answer 10

talk to the services. ask if they have any advice, or else call supernanny. it might be better if you could punish him, though. take away som of his toys, and if he screams cover his mouth. *shrugs*