My husband and I have been together for a little over a year. We met when he was on his leave from Iraq. It was a very fast paced relationship from the beginning. When he finally got back from his tour 8 months later, we basically started right where we left off... and 5 months later we were pregnant and got married a few months after that. We have a beautiful baby girl. And he is so in love with her. But I fear that is all the love he has left after work. I know he has stress. Me too! I work and am a full time mother and do most of the housework and shopping. Don't get me wrong he has a lot of strong points but I feel like he has no more love for me. Many times when I want to cuddle he pulls away or grimces at my touch. I want to have sex more than he does. And anything sets his anger off. He has a double standard with me that he can't see or admit to. I am so lonely and lost. Is a child worth staying in this marriage? Is there hope that this will get better? All I want is his love!
2007-12-17 08:38:28 · 10 answers · asked by Humbled 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Talk to him. You have to let him know exactly what you are feeling. I'm sure he is dealing a lot right now, but maybe his family IS worth more to him than he displays.
2007-12-17 08:53:11 · answer #1 · answered by I know a lil' bit about that 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You really do sound like a very decent person, so I really hope you can work this out.
My first suggestion would be to talk to him. Sometimes that seems like the last thing that will work, and I know it's difficult, but trust me. I have several friends who are soldiers that have served in Iraq, and I don't blame him for being stressed, but that's no excuse to treat his wife badly.
Please talk to him and let him know that you're willing to do whatever it takes to fix things or make them work. Offer to try to attend marriage counseling or family counseling.
If all else fails, organize an intervention and get a very close friend that knows you both to sit down and talk with the two of you. Put your thoughts out on the table and compromise on things.
If things still don't work, you need to get out of the relationship. The younger your child is, the less painful it will be on their growing process to lose a parent. For the sake of your daughter, make sure you both, as parents, make an effort to love and care for her even through a divorce. I know firsthand what a messy divorce can do for a child. And I know for a fact I'd be less bitter about my parents' divorce today if my dad took the time of day when I was growing up to see me on the allotted weekends.
Good luck, honey, and never lose hope.
2007-12-17 16:46:30 · answer #2 · answered by Miss Taylor 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The truth is you need to sit down with him and express your feellings with him...Maybe he does not acknowledges what he does because to him he is not doing anything wrong...I do not believe in staying in a marriage if you are not happy and theres no love for each other just because you have a child or children together...That will only create more stress and problems later...If things can not be worked through then trying to be civil for the child is an important aspect...I understand all you want is love but, what value will his love hold if he is there for ALL the wrong reasons...The honest truth is you deserve so much more and someone who will love you for YOU....
2007-12-17 17:16:33 · answer #3 · answered by Yvette D 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It doesn't sound as if you knew him well at all before you married him, and having a baby so quickly didn't allow you much time to develop deep connections. It is really hard to say what is going on. The military conditions men to become stoic, they often are so disciplined that it becomes difficult to show their softer side, plus he may be used to people following orders, so it angers him if things don't go his way. (speaking from experience)
The situation isn't magically going to change. You should talk to him seriously about your concerns. Make an appointment to do so, and make sure it is not at a time when he is tired. Tell him how you feel without making accusations, and suggest that you both see a counselor. If he refuses tell him you are going alone...then do so. This may show him you are serious. Marriage takes work and commitment, and both people have to be willing to do their share.
2007-12-17 16:52:16 · answer #4 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is something in your statement that makes every answer very different - His Tour in Irag.
He is going through post traumatic syndrome. It has happened to my brother in law who has gone over twice, He was a loving person and now is very distant,
He needs counseling. I do belive the family is told this could happen and are given a number to call. She may have to remember that information that she was given when he was deployed or it would have been his parents as they were not married.
It would be ashame for this to end over his deployment
2007-12-17 16:48:36 · answer #5 · answered by sammy3256 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you ask him to have a heart to heart talk with you? Do you think he might be cheating? I'm happy he loves your baby girl, but he should be head - over - heals in love with you too... especially since you just had his baby... and he was gone for a long time.
It sounds to me like he might have found someone else to occupy his time while he was gone and now he's uncomfortable with you...
I believe this could be resolved if you both want it to, but I'm afraid his absence has changed him in some way... and distanced him from you (emotionally) and I bet its because of some other woman.
2007-12-17 16:46:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I dated a guy that went on tour in Iraq, when he came back he just wasn't the same and we broke up. He was in a war, I think it just takes time for them to get back to "normal". I know older people like from the Vietnam war that have gone through similar things. You just have to wait it out, maybe try counseling?
2007-12-17 16:44:04 · answer #7 · answered by ricki2217 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You really need to talk to him and let him know exactly how you feel. Be honest and let him be honest with you. If after your discussion things do not change then you will have to decide what is best for you.
2007-12-17 16:47:51 · answer #8 · answered by Chrystal D 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
get the book
"getting the love you want"
you have to take action to correct this situation. and you can do this by yourself, without him doing anything. you can change the relationship. get the book and start doing it.
2007-12-17 16:41:46 · answer #9 · answered by BonesofaTeacher 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Get a divorce if you can. He will not get better.
2007-12-17 16:46:24 · answer #10 · answered by bhaiyagi 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋