My ex was unfaithful to me beyond forgiveness and it’s been over a year since we broke up but now she is saying that if I don’t give our marriage another chance then she will move away and take the kids with her. I want to do what’s best for the kids but I can’t even look at her the same ever again let alone be happy with her. Is sacrificing my own happiness even the smart thing to do? People keep telling me that the kids will sense it and could potentially be worse off in the long run. Can she leave and take the kids with her? Not really sure how to handle this whole thing. I just want to do what’s best for them and I don’t know what that is. Anyone ever go through this before? Oh and I know the only reason she wants me back is because she wants security. She just doesn’t want to be alone. Love has nothing to do with it. I love my kids and I really want to be a good father but is living in an unhappy marriage the right thing?
2007-12-17 08:16:58 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Please do not give in to her blackmail. You won't be happy and the kids will feel that.
Do go to court (if you haven't already) and get formalized visitation. That should stop her taking the kids far away.
I am assuming that they see you regularly now, and always have been, or it might make it harder to have an enforceable visitation program set up now. Then she might tell the courts that the only reason you want it now is to control her life, and where she goes.
2007-12-17 08:28:59 · answer #1 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you legaly seperated? It doesn't sound like you love her anymore. If it's been 1 year that you have been broken up and the love is gone and you don't want to save the marriage DON"T! Trust me my marriage has been bad for 2 years and have just been haning in and I have been miserable! So have my kids! Your HAPPINESS has to come first now that's what I have been discovering! Kids adjust they will be okay, but it will take time. My kids have adjusted to my bizzare situation that my husband and I are still together withou being "in love"
I'm told that once you are legally seperated in court that custody issues are decided. It seems like if one just takes off with the kids it's kidknapping. Have you ever seen on the news were seperated couples take off with the kids and cops are called and they call it kidnapping I have! Consult a lawyer if you really don't love her anymore and don't want to work it out. Don't let the ***** bully you or threaten. The unhappy marriage is not the right thing i'm living it and in the process of gathering up the courage and security to leave. Go find out what your rights are! Life is to short not to be happy!! Move on ! That's what I 'm doing. Just making the descion to do it has made me happier than i have been in forever. Hope this helps! Keep me posted! By the way YOU ARE A GOOD FATHER ! YOU WANT WHAT'S BEST FOR THE KIDS! Sounds like you have already been putting their happiness ahead of yours! keep in touch! Good luck!
2007-12-17 08:47:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, are you legally separated or divorced? If so, what do the court papers say about her taking the kids? If you are not, better get legal advise and fast before you never see your kids again. If you do not love her anymore, there is no sense in going back. Your kids will grow up much better if there is no fighting all the time. I know, I was a single parent for 17 years and my daughter turned out just wonderful.
Hope this helps.
2007-12-17 08:23:50 · answer #3 · answered by sjm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Living in a unhappy marriage may be wrong, but you find , as you get older, sex will have little to do with marital happiness.
I'm assuming that the kids are your biological dependent's.
She may, or may not take the kids from you, so, be a hero to your kids and re-marry their Mom!
If you were talking about a failed marriage, that would be one thing, but you have a family!
Your feelings are important, but will not come first, your children's do.
If you are separated from your kids Mother, your putting your feelings before your children.
Some people don't have a happy marriage because they think they should come first.
Marriage is basically, to create mature people that will carry your name, your seed, into the future.
It's more important for the kids self-confidants and self-esteem!
You have the children, in common, so you might not see it as sacrifice.
Remember, the kids are closer to there mother, biologically, that their Dad!
Just make sure she knows how you feel, so your both on the same page.
Good Luck!
2007-12-17 09:31:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No. Children of divorce do not have a great go at things, but it would be worse that when they are old enough, realize that their Mom has been whoring around and you've tolerated it. What will that teach them? Meanwhile both of you are miserable and the kids pick that up.
She can't leave the state without court permission once the divorce is final. And as other's have said, may have to meet you half way for visits. Honestly, I would go for full custody. What time will she have to raise kids when she's out slutzing it up? Her behavior is disgusting. Some states have special laws regarding divorce in cases of adultery. Check into it!
She wants security? Guess she should've thought of that before running the streets like a mogrel dog in heat.
I very much hope you get custody of your kids and perhaps someday find them a stepmother that will care for them more than to do such things around them.
2007-12-17 08:29:20 · answer #5 · answered by BillyTheKid 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No your happiness is not worth it. Stay apart from her. She is trying to blackmail you into doing what she wants. If you give in now this is how life will be from now on. She will continue to cheat because if you leave she will take the kids. She is not allowed to take the kids and move away. Take her back to court for shared parenting. You do not have to live a miserable life to be a good father. The kids do know when you are miserable and it makes them stressed and unhappy.
2007-12-17 08:29:11 · answer #6 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go talk to a lawyer. You might even have a chance to get custody of your kids because she cheated AND since she has made the comment that she will leave and take the kids. Kids are a lot stronger than you realize. Whatever you guys decide to do, whether you stay together or not, it will affect the kids. Go talk to someone and find out what your options are. GOOD LUCK--
2007-12-17 08:58:27 · answer #7 · answered by Gypsy Rose 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The people you've been talking to are right, the kids will sense it and will harm them. Do you guys have legal joint custody? Are you still married? If you have joint custody in my state she wouldn't be able to take the kids too far. I'm not sure how far that is. Don't do it your happiness and your kids happiness will suffer. She sounds like a selfish twit. You don't need that. I would defently call a lawyer and find out what your options are. If you are not in love with her and you won't be happy you will end up divorcing anyway so why prolong the inevidable. Goodluck.
2007-12-17 08:24:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me as if the two of you aren't divorced yet. If that is the case then she isn't your EX yet, you are still married. Unless there is a joint registered decree of divorce you're simply seperated. That said, next question...do you have a COURT order of custody/visitation/support? If not then YES she CAN leave and take the kids with her. IF you wanted to do what was best for the kids this all should have been ironed out in court a year ago rather than allowing it to drag out...that is IF you're not divorced,
IF you are divorced you will have to READ the custody/visitation/support portion of your documents and the both of you MUST comply with them, if she is not allowed by court order to remove the children from where she is now TAKE HER TO COURT.
2007-12-17 08:33:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm not sure about your state laws, but in LA, you can't take off with the kids... UNLESS you have the following.... Stated before you divorce and see a judge for approval, to request to move out of state... Of which, the judge will only approve if it is to be near close family or to move back where you moved from to be with your spouse... (We're military, so moving back to be near family and where I came from were the same) OR, she has to provide a written request with no less than 30 days and get your approval to do so.
Other than that, I would check the divorce decree, and if she does move, just know that she will have to provide a means for your visitation... as in getting the kids to you, like flying them to where you live, etc...
2007-12-17 08:25:32 · answer #10 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋