My husband and I recently had a baby (our first). I was very nervous for the delivery but we went to prenatal classes and I figured my husband would be great support. The day came when I finally went into labor and I was completely suprised at the way my husband reacted. He basically ignored me while I was going through contractions. He would not give me his hand to hold or anything...he even fell asleep at one point and I was forced to go through contractions by myself for about an hour. Finally one of the nurses on duty noticed that he was not lending me any support so she stepped in and held my hand and talked me through contractions. Now that we have our baby and we are settled in at home I can not help but think back to that night and how alone I felt. I think about it a lot. Am I over reacting or am I right to still be upset with my husband for letting me down that night?
2007-12-17 08:00:11 · 22 answers · asked by lotbomb 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'd be upset and (in all honesty) wonder in what future ways he might disappoint me. You had reasonable expectations and your husband failed to meet them.
What does he say was the reason for his behavior during that crucial time?
2007-12-17 08:04:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
That is strange and not fair. I say it's strange from a husband's and father's point of view... there is no way I could have slept through the delivery of my kids!
Without knowing him i can't begin to speculate about what in the h~ll his problem is. I will say that it seems he doesn't realize how lucky he is.
But, to answer your question: No, you are not overreacting.
What to do about it?... talk to him. Tell him how it made you feel. Maybe he can give you some sort of explanation that will help you forgive him. You married him and had a baby with him so I imagine ther must be some good in him. Focus on that, and hopefully he realizes how much he dissapointed you, and does something to make it up to you.
Congratulations on your new baby...
2007-12-17 08:12:00 · answer #2 · answered by blujello 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are over reacting.
I don't know the particulars of what happened, but I remember being in the delivery room for hours in the middle of the night. I slept some, not much (she had a bed, all I had was a crappy chair).
You are lucky he was in the room. Not long a go it was common for the men to just wait outside (my wife made me be in there, I'd rather have been outside).
It can take hours of labor, you have to let the dude sit down sometimes.
2007-12-17 08:29:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree that this would be upsetting. But he was probably freaked out by the whole birth process. Maybe he doesnt do well when someone he loves is in pain. If he is a good guy otherwese, I would just accept that this is one of the times that he couldn't be there for you. There are very important times in our lives that we feel that our spouses have let us down, unfortunately, this happens to all of us. Try not to punish him if you think it was just a one time thing.
2007-12-17 08:12:05 · answer #4 · answered by julie A 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are overreacting, but also you are still hormonal (honestly you are)
It could be a sort of frozen bunny syndrome.
You know when the bunny is about to be killed by a car it just sits in the middle of the road frozen too scared to do anything. Maybe this was what happened to him. People do really weird things in high stress situations (which a delivery is)
2007-12-17 08:07:57 · answer #5 · answered by MissE 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not overreacting. He left you to deal alone when you needed him the most. He should have wanted to be supportive and to experience the birth of his child with you. He left you hanging. I actually think that this is just a preview of what you are in for being married to him. Is he going to let you down every time that you need him? Is he going to walk away from his responsibilities when you have difficulties in your marriage or problems in your life? You need to be able to count on him to there and to hold up his end of the deal. Can you? I would find out.
2007-12-17 08:21:30 · answer #6 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Was that his way of reacting to incredible stress? I would imagine its torture for a man to watch his wife go through that... maybe falling asleep was a subconsious way of dealing with what he feel he couldn't handle. Or is he like this otherwise? If he has a tendency to let you deal with stress by yourself, thats not what being married is all about. But, does childbirth or hospitals in general make him 'weak in the knees'?
2007-12-17 08:07:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Attending prenatal classes and actually witnessing a labor and birth are 2 entirely different things. He, like other men, got too shook up and couldn't handle it.
2007-12-17 08:10:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are right to be upset. Like you said, your husband abandoned you and basically had no interest. If he's never done anything like this before you need to tell him that you are still upset and ask him what was up that night.
2007-12-17 08:04:40 · answer #9 · answered by Jody 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am wondering if he often gives his hands to support you in the daily life. if yes, he may be too tired or too young, or he does not realize his responsibility as a brand-new father. if no, he is not a qualified husband.
2007-12-17 08:18:55 · answer #10 · answered by shanghai beach 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋