People with experience, please give me some insight. My wife and i were seriously a pen signature away from a divorce. Now we are back together and trying to work on things. Keep in mind, she might of had a fling with a guy and had feelings for him, and also being intimate with her is almost impossible. Anyway, i am looking for any type of advice to make it thru these rough times, what signs to look for to see if she really wants to be back with me or not. if she really loves me or not. Bascially, anyone that has maybe been in the same situation, what signs do i look for that it will last, how to tell if things are getting better, and how to make it work. i dont want to lose her, but it seems like why did she come back if she doesnt want me, if being intimate with me is not what she wants. she always has excuses when it comes to that time. let me know...
2007-12-17 07:32:36 · 12 answers · asked by supremyecy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
People are suppose to get the proof first that it will work out before walking back into the same crap.
2007-12-17 07:36:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are the only person who will know if it will last or not. One thing is for sure, you both have decided against divorce and that is good. That means that even though she did have the affair she still loves and wants you as her partner. You on the other hand are going to have to drop it and look forward to the future. You will have to ID what kinds of things do you feel you could have done different in the past. If you feel you have any fault in this happeneing you can change it. Not everyone gets this opportunity. She also needs to let it go. She also needs to look in you for the things she felt she was missing. If she can not find them then she needs to look for things that are new and exciting to her. What ever you do, do not hold over each others head. What is past has passed and now it doesn't matter. It happened and nobody can change that. So now what do you do. If she has an excuse for intamacy it could be because of her guilt over what happened and she is unsure of how you really feel. Let her know you love her and you want her... try candles, music, dinner, roses, silk sheets, bubble baths, whisperin sweet nothings, you know anything that will seduce her. That will help her get over her inhibitions and you to feel close to her again. Try to get to know each other again. I bet you guys could find a few nice things to tell one another that you haven't said before. Maybe a dream vacation that you have been dreaming about that you both could work toward achieving. Sometimes it is easier to work towards a mutual goal while getting to know one another again. This is because when you are having a conversation you both have something to be excited about. Maybe it is as simple as putting $20 bucks in the vacation fund today or I think I found the perfect hotel online to stay in. Choose something to get along with first and the rest will follow. If you fight you both still have something nice to talk about. Best of luck and let me know how it works out. I know you both can work it out if you both want it enough.
2007-12-17 15:49:27 · answer #2 · answered by Jagurati 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds as though you may have both been afraid to call it quits. That's one kind of motivation. But it's no good to say, oh, well, let's not, and then go back to the same situation.
Don't look for signs -- see a good therapist. If she won't go, go alone. Then you can decide whether the intimacy problem is all hers, or if there are things you can do to help fix it.... you can start to communicate, in other words.
Good luck.
2007-12-17 15:39:33 · answer #3 · answered by Little Red Hen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My brother's wife wanted to "reconcile" instead of divorce, but instead it turned out her attorney told her to hold out until after 7 years because that way she could demand more money from him (including future salary). She also suddenly showed up one time and had sex with him out of the blue shortly before she filed papers (through her own attorney after going through a sham of "no fault" divorce with him) so she could claim "coitus" within a certain time frame to - you guessed it - get more money! She had of course been fooling around with somebody the whole time.
It sounds to me like the ship has sailed. If she has feelings for a guy and will not be intimate with you, get out, she will just fool around on you anyway. Sorry, and best luck.
2007-12-17 15:37:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
6 of 10 marriages end in Divorce, 3 of 5 try'n work it out, 1 in 5 make it!! You better forget what you think "she might've done", if thereis to be any hope at all. Forget the past and live like you just met her, treat her like she's your"girlfriend" and not your wife, and you might have a shot at it!!! good luck
2007-12-17 15:38:54 · answer #5 · answered by happywjc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will still be asking these questions 10 years from now. If that is the way you want to live go for it otherwise back to signing the papers.
2007-12-17 15:48:22 · answer #6 · answered by mikey_fiveoh 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hunny, if don't let your feelings known its not going to work. Why is intimate impossible? When we had tough times it was really hard, but talking and spending time with each other, and really being completely honest with each other, about what we wanted and didn't want.
2007-12-17 15:39:11 · answer #7 · answered by eeyore6838 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For get it. Shes only back with you because the other guy probably dumped her. When she finds another one she'll do it again. If she really loves you she would run to your loving arms if you know what i mean. The fact that she doesn't tells me she doesn't love you any more.
2007-12-17 15:39:44 · answer #8 · answered by oldbabe 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forget the past ...live like you just met her. Don't look for all the old problems because you are the outsider.
2007-12-17 20:20:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go with your gut feeling....don't even try to figure out what's going on in her head---she probably doesn't even know! Bottom line it's your life and your decision. You can only trust yourself when it comes to what you need and are willing to sacrifice. ps---when it comes to attorneys, they make a career out of your misery.
2007-12-17 15:39:57 · answer #10 · answered by Newportian 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋