Is it unresonable for me to expect my husband to help with the baby?

Question

My husband works a full time job...and I stay at home at take care of our 1 month old (all the stay at home moms know its not as easy as it sounds) am I being unresonable by asking him to help me with the baby when he comes home?

Answer 1

Well this is a tough one because so many people are going to give you different opinions and answers. Here is how I feel...try working full time as the primary bread winner and being the primary caregiver then you will really appreciate only having the full time job of getting to take care of your precious baby! Please don't take that as me being hateful because I am not trying to be that way at all! I just want you to see there are others who must do it all by themselves with no help. No, it is unreasonable to want him to help some. You deserve and need a break too. On the weekends or whenever works best for you, go do something for yourself while he watches the baby. Take a little time here and there away. It is tough to be with this little person 24/7 but it will get easier with time as you get used to each other I promise. Talk to him, show him how to help and thank him when he does help. Some guys are great and helpful right from the start and others need a little reassurance and guidance. If this doesn't help then its time to take a deeper look at this. Best wishes andcongratulations on the little one!

****I am so sorry that should have been no it is NOT unreasonable. Another thing, hang in there.***

Answer 2

no not at all
he can take over in the evenings to allow you a chance to shower or whatever you want to do.

My husband worked full time and I was a stay at home mom with our first child. He would come home and if dinner wasn't ready he would cook or do what ever I needed done.
I usually would let him sit and relax for an hour or so then ask for some assistance and he had no issue with helping.
He found after a while that he enjoyed giving the baby a bath and snuggling before bedtime that became his time to bond with the baby. He even got up a few nights for the late night feedings just so I could get a night of uninterrupted sleep.

Best to talk to him about how you are feeling and ask him to start by taking a shift 1-2 nights a week (bath time and before bed feeding) and you will find he begins to do this more frequently and gets upset if he misses his time with the baby.
Don't expect him to be happy about you asking at first because it isn't his "job" to help with the baby (most men are afraid that the baby will break if they handle them), but if he is going to be a good dad he will come around and really like it.

Answer 3

A child has a mommy AND a daddy who as equal partners in their relationship should also share in equal parenting. You created a new life together; it's not an unreasonable expectation that BOTH OF YOU need to participate in the care and nurturing and upbringing of the child. You need to have a 'sit-down-chat' to work out a plan of resolution. And that's usually where the problem is . . in the communication.

I always found that if my husband was given enough time to come home from work and shower and have a little "down time", he was more than willing to get into his family life.

Maybe just an hour's worth of time for you to take a hot bath with some relaxing music and candlelight all by yourself, after his down time, would do the trick in the beginning.
As parents, you ease into your familiarities and responsibilities on a daily basis, and he is no different if you truly want his participation. You have to be specific about what you want him to do and then teach him and don't leave him alone by leaving the house. Just hang around in the beginning until being with the baby is natural to him. With time and patience, and working out the particulars by going small steps at a time,, you can both get your needs met and find a happy resolution and be good to yourselves, each other and be good parents too.

Answer 4

No, you're not being unreasonable. He may be tired after his day at work, but he should be understanding that your day was WORK too. Let him relax and wind down as soon as he comes home. But after dinner, ask nicely if he'll watch the baby for a while, so that you can take a bath or just have some "me" time. Or suggest a joint activity in which you both play with the baby. Explain to your husband that you just need a bit of time to yourself each day, even though you love watching your baby. Remind him that his work ends at 5:30 when he walks out the door, but yours is a 24 hour job, which is tough. The important thing to remember, I think, is not to accost your husband and try to hand off the baby the second he walks in the door. Give him some wind-down time first. Good luck!

Answer 5

No, he does not help hardly at all and I'm going through the same thing right now. He has NEVER once got up in the middle of the night and has changed maybe 5 diapers since she was born two months ago. I am at my wits end and have told him that I might as well be a single mother for all the help I get around here. Even on the weekend he does not give me a break. I have come to the conclusion that he's a selfish as*shole and if things don't change soon then I'm leaving him. I am going to try one more time to have a serious discussion with him about this and try to remain calm so it doesn't end up in a shouting match like it usually does. All I can say is that you should try to have a calm but serious talk with him and tell him the child is BOTH of your responsibility and see if he comes around. If not, kick his sorry butt out the door.

Answer 6

That is my situation too, and I don't think it is unreasonable. But what I do is give my husband a break during the week, and let him do the fun things with the kids. On the weekends I do expect help and he does give it. I did have to say something for him to do it, but it did end up working out. The one thing I had to understand and deal with is the fact that yes, being a stay at home mom is a VERY HARD job, but it is your job. It is 24-7, it never ends. But it is the way that you are chosing to contribute to the household. Your huband make the money to contribute, and you take care of the house.

Answer 7

no, my husband works and i stay home, we have 3 boys (8,3, and 8 months) i am 13 weeks preg right now. he does so much and usually i dont even have to ask him. i know he works hard for his 40 hours a week and he knows that i work hard my 168 hours a week. parenting is a full time job, i dont get to stop at 5:00 pm and pick it back up the next morning at 9am. luckily he understands that and is always helping out, of course had he been one of those men that left the mother/wife dutties completely to me 24/7 im sure we would only have 1 child. when he gets off work give him 45 minutes to relax or shower or whatever and then you get a 45 minute break to shower or nap or whatever you need to do for yourself, then come back together and share whats left to be done. we also have the kids in bed by 8 pm that way we have an hour or 2 alone everynight. i know your baby wont be on a set schedule yet but just something t look forward to. sometimes it gets my husband butt into gear to know that if dinner gets cleaned up and kids bathed and in bed by 8 then most likely there will be "play time" for us

Answer 8

I am in the exact same predicament. My baby will be 4 weeks old tomorrow. Right now I stay at home all day because I am on 6weeks of maternity leave, so in 2 weeks I will be going back to work fulltime as well (we're both military). Right now I get frustrated that I'm changing almost every single diaper and getting the baby when she fusses and having to get up to feed her every couple hours during the night (she is breastfed, however I pump as well so she does drink bottles too). But, I try to understand that my husband is still going to work, and its hard for him to get up and help out when he needs sleep. i talked with him and he agreed that he will definately help out when I go back to work but right now, I am home all day and when the baby sleeps I should be sleeping. yeah its not 8 hours in a row, but its 2-3hours hear and 2-3hours there. I know my answer will probably get thumbs down, because I'm not a stay at home mom all the time, just right now while I'm on maternity leave but I do understand where my husband is coming from. Maybe you should just try talking with him, let him know how you feel, communication is a big part of every relationship.

Answer 9

No, but you should give him a few minutes when he comes home to relax. Being a stay at home mom IS very hard ( i have a 4 year old and 16 month old twins and I am a SAHM) but so is going to "the office". Men, especialy really need a few minutes to transition from work to home. So maybe you can come up with a way for him to ocme home, chill fora 15 minutes and then jump in. Every week night I make dinner (which is fun to me), while my dh manages all the kids. We both put the kids to bed at bed time. When we only had one, after he was weaned, we would take turns putting him to bed.

HTH
Sarah

Answer 10

Was it unreasonable for him to help you make the child? Exactly so No it is his responsibility too but understand he may not know what to do so you may have to guide him in the right direction. Men just sometimes need a little shove to help them out. Some men are also scared of hurting the baby too because it is so small so let him help where he can. (ie get baby fed changed and al "ready" then ask daddy to hold him whil you take a 20 min shower or something. Sometimes helps if you get daddy "ready" too i.e feed him turn on TV etc. LOL) Hope this helps!