Summary: In a (supposedly) committed relationship, living together for 4 years. Bought a house together. Planned to get married eventually. Everything is supposed to be going well...
2 years ago boyfriend started getting VERY lazy in bed. Hardly ever wants to have sex, and when he does decide he wants it, he just lays there...waits for girlfriend to do all the work. Boyfriend is "finished" really fast, girlfriend gets absolutely nothing out of it. This pattern has continued for the past 2 years with no signs of changing.
Boyfriend also, for the past 2 years, has been having phone sex every chance he gets with strange women he meets online on his cell phone, chat sites, etc. Exchanges naked pics, videos, blah, blah. Boyfriend doesn't see how this is a problem as long as he's not having sex with them.
Boyfriend would rather have phone sex with strangers than have real sex with girlfriend. Girlfriend is SUPER frustrated at this point and doesn't know what to do anymore.
2007-12-17 07:25:22 · 31 answers · asked by heather_chavous 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Also, girlfriend has tried EVERYTHING to get boyfriend to want to have sex. Nothing works. Even the things HE asks for, it doesn't make things any better. Boyfriend still prefers to j**k off to phone sex. What the heck is this crap???
2007-12-17 07:28:19 · update #1
Maybe girlfriend should initiate sex with boyfriend via phone!
Actually, I would back out of this relationship. Boyfriend has a problem whether he admits it or not. Girlfriend cannot fix it for him.
2007-12-17 07:30:16 · answer #1 · answered by DJ 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First of all, he is cheating, most definitely emotionally. This is not a committed relationship, you are being used.
He may very well have some medical or emotional problems that are causing this, but do you really want to waste one more moment on a man that thinks so little of you that he is having phone sex and you have nothing.
He may also very well be having actual physical affairs with someone else, and you just do not know that is going on.
You need to contact a lawyer, find out how to handle your half of the house, and whatever equity you have gained since the purchase.
I don't understand how you have put up with this for two years.
Get out now, before more of your life is wasted.
You could be really generous and offer him the chance to get couples counseling, and if he refuses, say goodbye.
Do you really want to spend the rest of your life dealing with this??? I doubt it. Sex is not everything in a committed relationship or a marriage, but it is a high percentage, and generally when there is trouble in the bedroom, there are other troubles elsewhere in the relationship.
Good luck, I hope you find the best solution for you and have a Merry Christmas.
2007-12-17 07:56:38 · answer #2 · answered by Sue F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know that excessive masturbation has a tendency to kill any other sexual urges? To the point that the only way you can manage to 'get off' is by doing whatever it is to get you off in the first place...hence this phone sex, sending pictures and video phase.
If you haven't ripped the phone cord from the wall and smashed his cell phone by now after telling him that it's either you or this alternate life he seems to be leading then know what? Ditch the jerk.
Its incomprehensible to me why anyone would thrive in a virtual relationship when you have a living, breathing and apparently more-than-willing partner to have sex with and spend time together.
Hell...you can't take a computer to a five star restaurant and then go home and make love to it. Although I guess thats pretty much what he's doing here..
2007-12-17 07:32:49 · answer #3 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As it is clearly a problem for YOU, then the phone sex IS a problem. A relationship is a partnership; one person can't just say "no, that's okay when I do that, the end."
Since it is a problem, be honest with yourself - Can you in any way envision a way that it would be okay with you? If yes, you have to tell him how to make it okay. If no, (which I'm betting on) then you have to say that. Either he stops or it isn't going to work out.
Do the same thing with the sex - if there is no way it can be fixed, and you aren't ever going to be okay with that, then its a deal breaker.
Don't delude yourself that one day these things won't bother you - its just going to bother you more.
2007-12-17 07:33:29 · answer #4 · answered by Matt W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is addicted to masturbating over the phone. Do not blame yourself it is not your problem it is his. I would give him an ultimatum if I were you. I would tell him he needs to stop the phone sex and start giving you wanted attention or you are going to leave or have him leave. If it is already like this just think what it would be like in a few more years. If this requires him getting help then he should be getting counseling for this problem he has. He will end up being a lonely man.
2007-12-17 07:33:35 · answer #5 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's time for boyfriend, to become an "Ex-File." First off, he's not sensitive at all to you or your feelings, he's being quite selfish, you've told him what's up and he hasn't changed.
Time to see the legal ends in the house, selling it, dividing the money and starting over again. Trust me, if he likes what he's doing, your question and frustration scream through, then you have to decide whether you want to be in second place for the next 3 decades or find a man who wants to be with YOU, not a phone.
2007-12-17 07:35:46 · answer #6 · answered by Yankee Micmac 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What would I do? I'd move out of the house (or ask him to) and divide the equity in the home as congenially as possible. From what you describe, he's not serious about a relationship with you. For him to say that his behavior is acceptable because he's not having sex with these other women is ludicrous. I'm sorry. I'm sure it's not what you wanted to hear. But from an outside observer's point of view, it is pretty clear that his actions speak to his lack of respect and commitment to you. He is not treating you with the love you deserve. Do not settle. Release him...which allows you to be free to find someone who will cherish YOU.
2007-12-17 07:35:09 · answer #7 · answered by Hope 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
boyfriend has a very difficult problem. go to a sex therapist, or relationship therapist. i dont know if you will ever have the sexual relationship you want, but in therapy for some years could help. 4 years is not that long, you could break up, mourn the relationship and then fall in love with someone that likes to have sex/intimacy the way you like it. boyfriend is different than you. this IS what he wants.
2007-12-17 14:20:25 · answer #8 · answered by minerva 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your instincts are correct; he's cheating on you. The fact that he's not having physical contact with these women is irrelevant. And since you bought a house together, you can't just walk out. I suggest that you give him an ultimatum (yes, guys hate that... but sometimes it's necessary); save it for you or else. If he won't change his ways, give him the heave-ho.
You might also check into the laws concerning common law marriage where you live; if you two break up, you might be entitiled to alimony and/or community property rights.
2007-12-17 07:32:27 · answer #9 · answered by D'archangel 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is completely taking you ffor granted and being extremely selfish. Unless he gets out of this he will make a very bad husband and father.
He needs a good kick up the backside. I suggest you tell him that as he is unwilling to make more effort you have changed your mind about marrying him and want to put the house up for sale so you can go your separate ways.
If the fear of losing you does not make him get his act together I suggest you actually sell the house and set up on your own and look for someone who really loves you.
Good luck
2007-12-17 07:34:57 · answer #10 · answered by bri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋