he sometimes calls me by his ex-wife's name?

Question

It doesn't happen very often but every once in a while my boyfriend calls me his ex-wife's name. He always catches himself and swears it's just habit. If we're doing something with the kids that used to always be a family thing; if we start fighting and he gets frustrated; if he's really tired but still trying to take care of me and the boys and make sure we're happy...He swears it's habit and doesn't mean anything. It's just habit and one he really wants to break. But sometimes I wonder if that's really all it is. The divorce is pretty recent so it's not like we're talking about a relationship that was over years ago. It's not like it happens when we're in bed together or anything, and the rest of the time I'd say he does it an average of once every 3 to 4 weeks so it's doesn't really mean anything right?

It's habit. He's comfortable with me "replacing" her at family stuff and is used to fighting with her and not me. Right?

Answer 1

Omg, if he happened to "accidentally" call me by his ex's name I would "accidentally" put my foot up his a**! That's a big no no. 2 COMPLETELY different people here no such thing as by habit! I don't act like her, I don't talk like her and I don't look like her!!

Answer 2

My husband did this a few times while we were dating, the ex-GF's name would slip out when we were first together and we had a disagreement or something... They fought all the time. So, as far as I can see, and from my personal experience, if it when it is something they used to do, like fight, he doesn't mean to, it is more of a habit. I know the straw that broke the camels back for me was when his Dad called me by her name, jokingly of course. I got so furious and to this day he doesn't mention her name. We've been married almost 6 years now. So, if it is recent and something they did often, like fight... then it is fully habit. Just give it time to no longer become habit. :-)

Answer 3

Allow him to get over the habit without giving him a hard time. Instead, try laughing about it. I call my kids by the wrong name all the time. I come from a big family and when my mother when get mad she would rattle off a dozen names before getting to the right one.

Again, try not to make an issue over this. Over time, he'll say her name less and less.

(Then again, if you feel like he's saying her name at all the wrong times, it could be an indication that they are secretly still seeing each other. Don't fly off the handle with accusations, but you might want to look into it)

Answer 4

You may not like it, but I am inclined to believe it is a hard-wired habit that will probably never go away completely.

You say yourself the divorce is recent - this woman obviously once was very important to him and he never went a day without saying her name for some time. To just up and stop is not 100% easy.

Once every 3 to 4 weeks? I say get over it.

Answer 5

"Only a partial" just means he caught himself at it. You should still be just as offended as if he had done it w/o realizing it. It's not a question of how long you 2 have been together, but how long after his break-up w/ her that you 2 started seeing each other. A relationship on the rebound will only be torture for you. He should've taken the time to get rid of the baggage 1st. If one or both of you are co-dependent, this could be hard to get through. Find your own sense of happiness from within 1st. Learn to love yourself before you try to love someone else & see that he does the same. Show some common sense & tough love -- give both of you the time (separate for a while). ~:|>

Answer 6

Yeah...my husband sometimes calls me his ex-wife's name...which is really a nickname for my name, one that I don't use. Poor guy. It doesn't bother me.

Still...a person fresh from a divorce is extremely limited on how much of themselves is ready for another committment, regardless of who wanted the marriage to end. Length of seperation is a factor, too...but tread lightly. You're dealing with a bruised soul. Give him a break on the name thing, and lots of space to heal.

You want a guy who wants you for you, right? Not just somebody to take the ex's place at family stuff, etc.

Answer 7

I call my kids by the wrong names all the time.....I swear they all think they have three names because it takes me that many times to get it right some days! I even call my one and only boy by his sisters names!

It happens - you can be looking right at someone and say the wrong name even though you are thinking the right name. My Gram does it all the time.....I have come to believe my name is Lois Carol, Chris, dammit I mean Susie.

What can ya do -- it's a brain glitch not your man's glitch.

Answer 8

it is habit and I know it seems almost insulting especially if you feel he's thinking of her bu even I've done the same. I was with someone for almost seven years so like my next 4 bfs broke up with me when I called them constantly by his name. It looked bad, but was I to do?

Answer 9

Look at the way he treats his Mom. That is the way he will eventually treat you. If he thinks she is nuts, he will think you are nuts. If he hates her for being controlling, he will hate you for being controlling. If he thinks she is the best woman alive, he will think the same of you. It may be just a habit....but try the "Mom" test and then make your decision.

Answer 10

He seems to only do it when he's upset so it really may only be out of habit. He probably relates getting upset with you with being unhappy with her, so I wouldn't worry about it, but definitely tell him he needs to watch it.