Is this the beginning of the end?

Question

About three months ago my wife and I began having problems. For a month straight i tried everything to keep her, but she was undecided on what she wanted to do. Then we had a big fight one night, and she took my kid and left me for three weeks. No talking, no communication, and i wasnt able to see my kid. Then right before our courtdate and divorce papers, she came to me, cried, and said she wanted me back. So now we have been back together for about a month now. I think there was another guy during that time, but not positive what happened. Since we have been back, i have been wanting to be intimate with her, but i dont get that passion in return. Seems like she is always coming up with an excuse, like she is tired, she is sick, she has an "infection". this all happens right around the time i try to be intimate with her. And the times we do do things, its like i almost have to force her. Furthermore, she gets angry a lot, and when i try to bring up what happened, she say forget the...

past. I am very insecure now that its taking up my whole life and we argue a lot about it. she says she is with me, that should show everything. but she always has a short temper with me, and if i dont wait on her hand and foot, then she is always mad. anyway, my question, is the intimate part of our relationship is suffering, is this something to be concerned about. Its hard to know that my wife,a nd partner of almost 7 years, i have to almost beg to get anything intimatally out of her (kiss, hug, sex). i mean everytime i think that i want to do things, my immediate second thought is well proabbly not, becuase she will just say no. is this the beginning of a relationship going bad and ending, or should i give it more time sense we just got back together only a month ago?

Answer 1

You really need to have someone to talk to. If you are spiritual, I suggest seeking the counsel of your pastor or a close friend that will be unbiased about the situation and pray with you about it. If you are not spiritual, then I suggest marriage counseling. Either way, it seems like you are willing to do what it takes to make it work. Seek help and then you and your counselor can discuss how to bring your wife into the sessions. No matter what happens, you need to make sure that you are doing everything in your power to make sure your child doesn't suffer b/c his parents can't work things out. Good Luck.

Answer 2

Here are some questions you need to ask yourself first before you go any futher:

1. Where did she go when she left with your child? Was she leaving on her own, or with family, friends or someone else?
2. Do you really want to spend your life with someone who is not being honest with you?
3. You were heading for divorce before she left with your child, so why the big turnaround? Did someone advise her that it might be better for her in court if she stayed with you?

To answer your question I would say that it is the beginning of the end. As they did in the 80's, you need to prepare yourself for a first strike. If you don't do it first, one day you are going to be sitting there after receiving papers asking yourself how did it happen. I don't want to seem mean, but open your eyes. If, big if here, you were not cheating and she doesn't want to be intimate with you it sounds as if she is back with you for other reasons. The only person who can answer that question is her, and she does not or will not respond to that question. Do you really want your child to see his/her parents in an unhappy relationship? Hope it helps.

Answer 3

I agree that marriage counseling is probably the only solution, if there is one. She may know that she wants to be with you, but she's is stuck in the same patterns as before your marriage fell apart. No one should ever take for granted that someone will stick with them even if they aren't being given what they need in a relationship. In our society today no one expected to suffer through a marriage that isn't working. You need to be strong and explain that to her.

Now, more than likely she will fight and try to beat you down. It seems like you haven't stood up for yourself in the past and she's counting on that. If you want things to get better you'll stand up for yourself. If she doesn't want to change things and/or go to counseling, then you need to have some pride and walk away. Being strong will be good for you and more importantly will set a more positive example for your child.

Answer 4

Ok, so she took off for a while with your kid. Wouldn't let you see the kid, had an affair, and now she is back with no explanation, expecting you to wait on her hand and foot like you are a servant, no sex, and she complains constantly.
Is this the correct picture?
If it is what are you losing if you divorce her? The court will give you visitation with your kid if not custody of the kid. You won't get b**ched at, you can maybe find someone you like to be with who will want to have sex with you. Sounds like divorce is looking better for you every minute!

Answer 5

Well one problem is it doesn't sound like you've really established what happened when she left in the first place. I would bet $500 that there was another guy during this time.

I don't have to tell you how serious this is. Your marriage 99% over. It's not all gone - but it will take a heroic effort to save it. Problem is - only YOU seem to be making the effort. If she isn't willing to - I'm sorry, sounds like it's done.

Answer 6

You really have some problems. You need to have an honest talk with her and find out if she really wants to be with you. If yes the you both will have to work hard to improve your relationships (but you both have to want it and try your best). If you really love her be patient and understanding to her and try to get her to tell you everything she feels, thinks and woriies about. Hope you'll work it out. I don't believe in divorce if two people love each other.

Answer 7

You need to find God trust him, he can give you security that you've never dreamed of, so even when she does those type of things or anyone for that facts hurts you, you can smile on the inside, just ask God are we suppose to be together and he will tell you through experinces I believe, well thats what he did for me. I've come to the conclusion that love is so much more then what you want its almost like a job,sure theirs feelings attached but God new who we were going to be married to before the beginning of this world, so if it is meant to be he will equip you with what you need to make it work he wont change her if thats neccesary until he changes you.

Answer 8

Hello:

Its your turn to be drastic friend. I would personally let her know that if the two of you are going to be together (even if for the sake of kids) that you need to come to some sort of an understanding. At least so neither of you will be angry and if you need affection you can seek it outside of the house with the approval of the mother of your child.

I hope this helps.

Rev Phil

Answer 9

hmm, yeah it sounds like there probably was another guy. once theres someone else in the picture its hard to look at the person you cheated on like you used to either becuz you feel guilty or because she is comparing you to the other man.. i would really talk seriously to her about it, and maybe even bring up divorce again...but dont use that to scare her into having sex with you... but she needs to respect you by telling you the truth so you know if you need to move on...best wishes!

Answer 10

I hate to say this but I think shes confused. I think there is somebody else and she doesn't know what to do.. this somebody else probably has someone and at the time of not getting along with him cause of his "other" she wants you then when they are doing good she wants him... I hope this makes sense... I believe she's thinking about him and that's why she doesn't give back.Sorry. Hope things clean up.