What is the best way to deal with extreme grief and mourning, through the holidays?

Answer 1

Recognize that your feelings of grief are valid and will be stronger at this time of year. You are not alone in this.

Allow yourself to feel the way you do. Don't pretend to "forget" the way you feel.

Don't be surprised if something makes you smile or laugh or feel better. It does happen, and does not mean you're being disrespectful to his or her memory.

Don't feel guilty if you don't want to celebrate.

Resist the attempts of the well-meaning though ignorant to "cheer you up."

DON'T DRINK. You'll still feel bad and hangovers hurt. (That was a stupid one.)

Seek professional help if you want to talk. Spend time with the people who are grieving along with you.

Understand that next year WILL be different.

Understand that you WILL get through this, as bad as you may feel.

Pay no attention to the idiot trolls here.

I wish you a peaceful heart.

Answer 2

The best way is to allow yourself to grieve. Don't worry about how it may look, those who are around you are there because they care about you, and can be a good source of comfort to you. This is "a time of need", you need to be able to have your emotions, they are a part of a healthy mourning period.

Put much focus on the memories you have. The fun, the faces and the good that happened. See the person as they were at the best of times, you will find that it will bring you comfort. It is alright for you to smile.

Do not feel guilty for any feelings you have, or if you start to forget about grieving, there is a time to stop mourning and to go on with your life. That doesn't mean you are abandoning your loved one, they will always be just one memory away.
Peace, and blessings to you.

Answer 3

Good Question!
Everyone, at some time or other, will have to face their first holiday without a loved one. I lost my grandmother in November. A friend of mine lost his father earlier this year.
Acknowledging the loss an important step in healing.
Making a memorial gift in the deceased's name can help ease the pain. Keeping busy, taking an active role in serving others are healing activities. But I think it's cathartic to allow yourself a fixed amount of time to be fully present with grief. I call it "15 minutes in the pity chair." For 15 minutes, I sit and wallow in my feelings, and when time is up, I move on to the next thing.
Keeping a balance between acknowledging the loss and getting on with your life helps to avoid both extremes of wallowing in sadness and pretending nothing is wrong.

Answer 4

Simple.

Understand that the person is well comforted in the afterlife/heaven... (spirtually, and I don't know which religion you are...). Take comfort yourself, in their peace -- even if the passing was untimely.

Also, this hurts to realize -- but life GOES ON. Your life has to be lived, and these weeks are part of your life. Don't live under a Black Cloud. The more you smile, balance death with Life.. the more those around will respond. It's tough, of course. But we ALL go through it. It's not easy, whether it's a parent, child, grandparent, even the family pet... loss is loss. A memory is a memory. We're only human - and dealing without, is part.

Enjoy the little things, put the effort in.. Come January, you'll be glad you did -- instead of wallowing in self-induced pity, remorse, mourning and grief (even if that grief is SHARED, you all have to focus on the bright side). Look to children's faces. Look for things, to make you HAPPY. And know that YOU can move people/other's to a happier place... but forcing yourself to be stronger, focused on life/your moments ahead.

Answer 5

I am sorry for your loss, there is no easy answer ,each person is different in how they handle grief .
Keep busy ,go to church, and remember you have a right to grieve and cry. remember how the person that is gone would feel worse if they knew that their passing has caused you so much pain, focus on those that are still here. Tell them you love them and do the things with then that makes them happy. Life goes on, and the holidays will always bring back the times shared with the departed, I lost my mother 38 years ago and still miss her dearly, and at 70 ,everyone of importance in your life start to pass over. spent more quality time with those you love!
Remember it is O.K. to grieve , but do not get lost in your grief , life goes on, God Bless !

Answer 6

Who will you spend thanksgiving and xmas with if you dont have any close family?????? Im sorry you are going through all of this... I cant imagine being in your shoes.. but I do know that you are a strong person.. and I know that because instead of dwelling on all of it.. you are asking for advice here on how to go on and deal with this instead of turning to drugs or becoming suicidal.. good for you. I would start reading the bible girl forreal.. it will help a lot..!!! also start a journal and write down how you feel,, it will help you relieve stress and sorrow when you have nobody to turn to.. I would join a church group.. and do activities... I know this may be kind of lame or sound like it.. but it will bring comfort to know that those people are there for you even though they are not close relatives or best friendds , they will definitely make you feel welcome and bring some type of comfort in your life.. visit your mom and tell her how you feel.. tell her how much you miss her and how hard life is without her... getting all this out.. will help you so much... trust me...

Answer 7

I'm so sorry Ms. Deirdre .. This time of the year is especially awful for when you lose someone. :(

For what it's worth just remember that Chrismas or any holiday has it's own schedule and you have yours and it's just inconvienent. So you can let Chrismas take a number b/c you and your family come first.

Spending time with your family is really the best thing you can do now. There is nothing you can do about hurting except to just go through it. Right now is when having your family together is everything. If you feel like crying than ok. If you feel overwhelmed sometimes and want to be alone for a little bit even for a few min that's ok.

Feel totally free to grieve in whatever way feels right to you. You want to tell your family that so they won't worry about you or themselves. And they should be able to feel right about it too.

This is also when you want your friends close. But just remember that some of them have been through it too. And some of them have not. You are never sure what to say to someone who even when you have lost someone so if they seem a little awkward that's why. Don't worry about it. Just know they do care and they do feel for you.

And Don't shy away from your friends. Maybe you want to talk to friends who have also lost someone because they know what it feels like. And everyone will be happy to be halpful in any way that they can they just may not know how. It's something to remember if you think of some specific things that they can do.

And I feel silly saying this but you want to eat right and do physical things now. Exercise if you can even for a little bit. For real it won't make you hurt any worse and makes the pain a little easier to deal with. And it helps keep your health up which is important for real.

*close hugs!!* Again I am so sorry Deirdre. I'm thinking of you and you got my prayers. Please feel free to msg or IM if you like and we can talk about whatever whenever.

~ Ann-Sigrid

Answer 8

Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. You and your family are still in the grieving process. The grief cannot really be avoided. How you are feeling is completely normal. Try to remember the positive characteristics of your loved one and, talk about your feelings with other loved ones. It is a difficult time in your life and, it cannot be ignored or easily distracted. Remember your lost loved one and, that he/she is in a better place and at peace . Another angel to look over you . You need to express your feelings with others that are close to you. I'm sorry for your loss.

Answer 9

Okay, I'm not saying my answer will be the best, however I understand your grief and it's horrible to loose a pet, especially one that has been your companion, apart of your life and a proud member of your family.

Have your dog's picture inside a small picture frame, glue a gold or silver colored elastic ribbon ( make sure the ends are the ones that are glued to the back ) on the back of the top
part of the small picture frame, buy a new or good condition cast iron horseshoe without rust with the U shape facing up and glue it over the picture frame, framing the picture and hang it as a Christmas decoration on your Christmas to let everyone know and to still have your dog as part of your Christmas.

Christmas trees are supposed to be a magical ornamental part of Christmas, people hang Christmas decorations that have significent meaning in their lives because that's what they think of during Christmas.

Your dog was and will always be special, so add your dog to the Christmas tree.

Also, create a photo album of your dog.

Buy another new or good condition cast iron horseshoe without rust with the U shape facing up for good luck and nail it on top of your front door outside.

Also buy a four leaf clover keychain and place a picture of your dog inside the empty space so that it's next to the picture of your dog.

Again, I'm not saying this is the best answer because hopefully there are people who will post better answers for you.

Answer 10

Support systems are the best things to develop before you need them...there are several types and a lot of hot lines that are used at this time of year...
Grief, Loss and Anger groups sound like they would help
Even one on one for a short time with a therapist could help
This time of year is extremely hard on people and you are not alone...while this holiday exudes superficial beauty...there are thousands of people who do not take comfort in this...nor do they take comfort from not hitting some level of Christmas Contentment and for some this in and of itself is reason for having bad feelings about this holiday..