Why is hard for people to see their own mistakes?

Question

My ex-husband left me a message saying that "You guys caused the divorce." meaning my parents and I. He was and still is controlling and abusive and blames my parents for interfering in the marriage.

He does not see his own faults and what he did wrong. He thinks that because I was sending my child to MI to visit her grandmother for spring breaks, my parents and I were pushing her out of the house.

I don't want to speak to him, but wonder if he will ever see that his tone and overall demeanor toward me is wrong. He should not be so overbearing, dominating and controlling.....

Answer 1

There is nothing more pitiful than a big guy with the "small man syndrome". A petty tyrant who thinks his view is the only one that should matter. He blame your parents because he couldn't separate you from them and the rest of your support base so he could go to outright beating you into submission.
Kudos to you!

Don't expect him to ever see anything in a balanced way, or to take responsibility for his own attitudes and actions. Given this, you can expect him to latch onto the next woman that comes along... at first coming across like a "Prince Charming" and slowly turning into "Mr. Hyde" as she continues to surrender authority to him. The mark of an abuser.

Answer 2

We don't see our mistakes because we don't want to.
Seeing our flaws means accepting responsibility for them and then doing something about them.
Lots of people have it wired up in their heads that being flawed means they are forever broken and it's some huge personal damnation. So, it's easier to blame somebody else because then somebody else is the problem, and no action is required.

It's kinda like sobering up - have to admit there's a problem before the work can begin. And only the person with the problem can do that; it has to hurt bad enough before they'll wake up and change.

Answer 3

Everyone is like this a mostly men they can not bear to see there own mistakes because they are to stuck up in there ways now don't get me wrong some women are like this to. But your husband does not want to see his bad side and he blams you for his mistakes common. I think you should show him his mistake and tell him that you are tired of picking up the slack and always feeling bad because of his mistake. And he will someday when he seems himslef alone for being a jerk he will look back and say what have I done. Why was I not man enough to okay my mistakes and that is when he will treasure what he lost. Time will tell.

Answer 4

Everyone has trouble seeing their own mistakes. And the ones who do see them (when you know they know) wont admit it. Its rare for people to admit their own faults. He's not much different than anyone else, but what makes his so obvious is the fact he is overbearing, dominating and controlling. But we all make mistakes we dont see or refuse to look at.

Answer 5

People are very complex. If there's a lot of negative emotions flying all over the place we tend to do what is natural for us to do,,Defend ourselves. But then, when the dust settles, we see things the way they are. That doesn't neccesarely mean that we will recognize our faults publictly, but deep inside he will know.

Answer 6

He's obviously got issues, so simply ignore him. If this isn't possible, ask a lwayer to write him a ltter explainng your desire to be left alone. If that doesn't work, it's legal trouble for him.

Answer 7

i've been married to a guy like that he was abusive and controlling also and thought it was mine and my parents fault i left him and tried to make me feel guilty because of my son. its been nine years and he still hasn't changed so good luck.

Answer 8

No, he won't change. This behavior and attitude is too ingrained.

But now you're divorced, so what he says is irrelevant. Ignore it -- who cares who he blames? Let him knock himself out blaming others.

Answer 9

Because they're too busy seeing yours

Answer 10

He'll probably figure it out eventually.