My wife does not desire sexual relations, is masturbation a long term option?

Question

My wife and I have been married for 11 years. We have (3) children. She is 31 and I am 38 years old. She is a wonderful wife in every aspect, but one. Also, she is a wonderful loving mother to our children. She does desire and enjoy intimacy, kissing, hugging, romance etc.

She tells me that she is fully contented with our marriage and relationship. I told her that I still need to release my desire through masturbation, which she understands.

I am ok with masturbating to satisfy my desire, even for the long-term. She is too good of a wife to let one issue, even a big one hurt our relationship.

Answer 1

Masturbation is always an alternative, perhaps your wife could even help you in this area. However, I would be more concerned that your wife has lost all interest in sex. This could lead to bigger problems for both of you. I think you should have a serious talk about what is going on with her and your relationship so that both of you can take the steps necessary to insure your future.

Answer 2

Intamacy and making love are a very important part of marriage. With 3 children, maybe she fears another prehnancy. If that's it offer to get a vascetomy. She likes the other things that pregnancy issue is likely. Another thing you might try is aprodesiacs. With a web search you should easily find something called spurious spanish fly. With your preliminaries it will work to create a desire for her. But using it without informing her and her consent would be dishonest and trust breaking. There is also a Viagra for women that increases desire. The ad says 47% of women have never had an orgasm. And this pill helps 97% of those to achieve them. But long term masturbation? It increases the liklihood of looking for sex elsewhere. Masturbation or other sexual release is a biological necessity every 4 to 6 days. Without it you risk prostate cancer and death. Even among normal sexually active men prostate cancer is higher than all female cancers for women combined including breast cancer. So no sex, no masturbation is much like a very slow suicide that will eventually lop 10 to 30 years off your life. You didn't say your wife gave a reason. But I think one of these I mentioned will be the reason. You need to find out if she orgasmed or just faked it for you. And if she fears pregnancy. Wouldn't hurt to find a sex therapist.for some counseling either. My guess is if you dont get sex back into your lifes your marriage will most likely end by the time your youngest graduates high school.

Answer 3

In my opinion it is not a long term option. It is only temporary. You are being commendable in hoping that it maybe a long term option, but a loving relationship includes all types of intimacy.

Your wife may be going through something right now which in making her not want to have sex. You need to see if there is anything that you can do. Maybe she has gained weight, and doesnt feel desirable? Maybe she has a hectic schedule and the idea of sex is just tiring for her? It could be many things and these should all be things that you can help with. It may be a medical issue, and there are medicines they make sexual desire diminish (birth control being one of them), but there are also medications which can help her to want sex as well....

In any case there are options available to the both of you, and you should seek them out. Especially if you guys do have a loving caring relationship.

Answer 4

There are phases in marriages and a woman's life due to childbearing and so forth. She is preoccupied with that right now. But, you can change things by being more inventive and reading sexy stories like those Penthouse books you can find at Barnes & Nobles. Sometimes, things need a jumpstart and once the momentum gets going, then it will keep going. It takes two to make it happen, so try to do your best to keep her interest up and read some good books, bc there are always fresh ideas to try there.

Answer 5

Why does she not desire you in that way? Is it a medical issue or an emotional one. I think you need to get to the bottom of it before making any final decisions. Sex is not the most important thing in a marriage but it IS important. I'm proud of you for not looking for options though. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 6

Hunny, that is a commendable attitude to have, but Hunny intimacy is a part of the relationship that helps a couple enjoy each other and to a connection. She can get something to help her arouse her, there are creams and pills. But if that is option you wish to chose by all means go for it.

Answer 7

There are medications seriously for women who lost or lose their libidio - mostly it is because it is hormonal, so that she can be a participant more so that you don't have to masturbate. However, if you prefer masturbation to acutally having sex with your wife, then you both need to go to counselling and work through it all.

Answer 8

You are a very understanding man and 3 cheers to you.

Yes, it is a long term option if you are ok with it.

Answer 9

Kudos to you.....Sex doesn't have to be for life. If you both consent not to have it I see no problem. Women usually don't want sex when menopause sets in...they feel tremendous guilt and pressure.....some middle aged men don't want it either but rather than admit it the couple feels bad and gets resentful of one another. If you don't want to do it you shouldn't have to.

Answer 10

JUST in MY opinion, she isn`t faithful to you. JUST an OPINION! All women desire sex at SOME point in a year. I ASLO think that SHE is trying to wear the pants, and you are afraid to say things to her she needs to hear, to grow, and mature. JUST AN OPINION. I HAVE been wrong before, MANY times.