Why do people automatically assume you're lucky rather than having earned it?

Question

Why don't people understand that life can be a result of right decisions, hard work and discipline?

If I'm not a single mother of 5 because I understand the responsibility that comes with each child and chose not to get pregnant. If I spent the majority of my life getting an education, putting myself in student loan debt, took minimum wage jobs and worked myself up because I understood the importance of marketing myself and work ethics, as opposed to sitting on my butt and waiting for the invisible hand to help me out. If I would have rather saved my money for investment rather than going out to clubs or buying clothes. If I chose not to get involved with the wrong crowd, drained and distracted by men who are jerks---how can that be called "luck?" And why am I supposed to feel guilty for enjoying my position?

Rebecca: I believe the question was stated in the question line :)

Dialect: I agree with most of what you're. If I was in an orphanage in Africa, I wouldn't have had the opportunities. But there are also people who have been given more opportunities, yet chose a different path....the same who claim "bad" luck. Where do you draw the line between luck and personal choices?

Answer 1

No reason to feel guilty at all. I'm sure you know to ignore them anyway.

1) Sometimes they know the truth, but feign ignorance by refusing to accept blame for their choices, which makes them feel better about their comparative lack of discipline, refusal to sacrifice, and poor decision making.

2) Other times, they have seen people who really have benefited, to some extent, from who they knew, their connections.

3) Some people are truly, relative to others, less fortunate ("lucky") in that no one even helped them get a decent start in life, so that they had the good sense to make wise decisions.

Maybe they were unfortunate enough not to have decent parents and other influencers, whereas perhaps you did. And that has carried you forwar

Anecdotally, I have observed that people who have immigrated to the US often have greater drive, focus, determination, and (very curiously) "hope" - as compared to those of us with a few generations under our belt. Notwithstanding the very complex situation with African Americans. (That's a whole other story)

You're full of great questions lately. :)

Answer 2

Somebody has to GIVE you the opportunities and teachings to make those right decisions, and help you make connections between that hard work/discipline and rewards.

People always want to tell their stories of struggle and overcoming it, projecting themselves as heroes. But virtually every successful person had some sort of advantage. Whether it's inheritance, good role models, strong friendships, brilliant teachers, intelligence, or something else, it's impossible to make something from nothing.

I'm not suggesting that earning is a misnomer. But as soon as we become proud of our own accomplishments and use it to question why others are not so successful, competent or confident, we block ourselves off from any hope for having real compassion for others.

However, just because you may be fortunate does not mean you should feel guilty. I think people need to balance feeling proud with feeling grateful. There are benefits to both perspectives.

Answer 3

Who specifically calls you "lucky"?

This is tough to answer, cold. If this is a new friend vs. a lifelong friend or family member or aunt/uncle it makes a world of diff. depending on their perspectives. Some people call me lucky, too. Lucky to have found my wife. Lucky to have this or that. Lucky to have sold a Condo/property when I did. Lucky. Lucky. Some would say "good timing", "good move", "you're smart" for this/that, too. You take it ALL together... because people, as you know have variant ways of expressing themselves -- and even the people who'd KNOW better, can sometimes mispeak, have bad timing, etc.

So, no matter what comprises luck (genes? good family start? not being born with a disability?) to certain people -- just know that everyone criticizes everything. It's just he way it is. There's no reason to feel guilty, because you're driving a Lexus and an old GF is driving a '96 VW Golf. You choose your men, your schools, your jobs, your conversations, sent resumes to places -- and a TON of other choices, beyond the obvious... meaning, what comes to SIGHT when people see things material, or fashion or jewelry or assocations with wealth or success...

Now, as far as physical endowments and advatanges go... if THIS is part/parcel of the Question... there are many women that are stunning, and are unhappy (kids or not) and have made terrible life-decisions, with the HS/college hottie guy that she was warned was an ******, or left their husbands for a more monied Boss, professor or contact.. only to regret it. Or, live in obscurity because they never risked a darn thing, even conversationally.. or moved themselves to another place, city or environment in an attempt to make their own luck.

Heidi Klum is who she is, because of LUCK? No way. I've met plenty of stunning German women (or, Brazilian), who are the hottest moms in their village/town. She worked. Anyone saying she was lucky, doesn't know what they're talking about.. and that's your answer, too. If people don't KNOW what they're talking about.. don't be moved by what they say, think or communicate... always, consider the source.

Always consider the sauce, too (if you're Italian).

Answer 4

People who assume things are ignorant and not worth my time.
They don't understand because they themselves made the wrong decision ,married the wrong person , have no discipline etc.
They are also jealous when they learnt that I retired before middle age , I make sure they know I don't chose to have baggage (children and partners), and I used to work over 100 hours a week .

Answer 5

Perhaps they are jealous or just lazy.
One important lesson I learned (and obviously you) through life is that everything you do takes hard work in order to be good at and what keeps people driven to do even better is the notion that there is always room for improvement.

Good for you for making the right decisions for you.

Answer 6

Hmmm, this is more of a rant than a question, but I'd have to respond with; Why on Earth would you be worried about the opinion of people who don't have it as "together" as you do? If they aren't intelligent enough to realize how hard you worked to get where you are then expecting them to think rationally is a little optimistic on your part. If they could think that clearly they'd be your peers, not just whiners. Does that help?

Answer 7

i assume if I have been in elementary terms a songwriter and not a performer, i may well be in it for the money besides. So i assume i might flow with the single hit ask your self. variety of what grasp C reported.

Answer 8

People make stupid assumptions all the time. The trick is to not let it get to you - you know you earned your spot, and that's the most important thing. You shouldn't feel guilty about it at all.

Answer 9

I think it's b/c those people are bogged down in their problems so much so that they can't fathom some one making a different decision or taking a different path.

Answer 10

its true you made who you are today
but...
you are also lucky because somewhere along the way you were not struck with a sudden illness or disaster... and you are lucky to be blessed with such a strong will :)
plus ppl like to think their shortcomings and others success are due to circumstances