Why would a husband say this???

Question

My hubby and I have been married 3yrs. We have a daughter who just turned 1 this fall. We have busy schedules, I work parttime as a nurse, and stay with our daughter (per his request) and he works a day job that keeps him gone 10hrs a day mon-fri and then works in the evenings/weekends as a firefighter/paramedic. Things have been rocky, not much going on with action in the bedroom, he always says he's tired. I understand and respect that, but so am I. He told me he's "too preoccupied in his head with work & things" to be intimate. Then he tells me that he wouldnt blame me if I found someone else it would only be his fault for not being around.
WHY WOULD A MAN SAY THAT TO HIS WIFE????
I'm confused, does he want me to? Does he want me to and then have a biblical way out of our marriage? Does he just NOT want me that bad? Does he have something else going on? ANY help/advice is appreciated. Husbands/Wives, bring it on..I'm clueless. Other's say he's not himself, but he wont talk to me

Believe me, in the sex department I've tried, and have been turned down more times than accepted. He's just not into it. He told me a while back that he was raised to see sex as for procreation only....that's BS, he wasnt that way before we we're married. I check his phone, email (except one where he works) I got nothing... and when mentioning going to see a dr, he flat out refuses....

Here's something he said to me that I was knocked over with... "we are sexually incompatable" ...... well I guess so, I would like it more, and once a month is good for him... I'm NOT a duty to be done... I'm not just another chore around the house!!! But it's how I feel.

Answer 1

hi there. i am sorry you're going thru this. i wish i had the right answer for you and could tell you what's going on exactly but i can't. i go thru this same thing with my husband. he will tell me he is tired and too stressed from work and it seems like i can't remember the last time he made the first move to be with me in the bedroom. it's such a downer. i don't get it either. maybe your man said this, to see if you would fight for him? i mean like show your feelings and put it on the table to let him know how much you love and appreciate him. i know lots of people say men will never say no to sex but i have had it happen to me. i would say, i don't think he necessarily wants you to leave him, my guess is, he wants you to bring some oomph to the relationship possibly? (he doesn't sound willing to do it right now). put it all out there for him. let him know you are in it with him forever and you love him so very much. hope this helps. good luck to you : )

Answer 2

Your husband has his priorities all wrong! He has taken on too much responsibility as far as working goes and this has taken everything he has out of him. He has done what so many couples do, put work and money first, marriage and family second or even third on the agenda. He just might be feeling stressed out, and understandably so. In his view, he is doing all he can without realising that he is avoiding his wife and child at home. You need to really look at the relationship by leaving the sex out of it and see what is going on between the both of you for it seems there is no closeness, no intimacy and that is a signal that the bond between the both of you is slipping. He either feels too stressed out or has a deep growing anger and resentment towards you for reasons I am not clear on. I feel it is the anger and resentment, for any man would want sex with his wife, unless there is a health issue. His not willing to work on things by simply throwing in the towel and saying to you that he would not blame you if you got your sex from someone else, indicates frustration and hopelessness along with anger and resentment. Look at the relationship, think back and see what is really the root of the problems.

Answer 3

Does he really work 10 hours a day at one job? And does he then work every night and weekend as a firefighter/paramedic? That sounds like far too much. There is no way that he would be able to be awake enough to be a good firefighter or paramedic.

It sounds like he is having an affair and wants you to sleep with someone else so he will not be the only one violating his vows.

I would look into his hours. Try calling him at his office to see if he really is there ten hours. Try calling the fire department and see when he is actually scheduled. I would bet on it that he is not working nearly the hours he claims.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 4

He may or may not be cheating, but he is definitely using work as an excuse to escape from you and your child, and his obligations as a father and husband. Having different sexual needs is not unusual for couples, but most of the time this can be worked out. Not wanting sex at all is not normal, it is an indication he has some type of physical or mental problem. If you are sure he is not cheating then seeing a doctor should be the first step for him. If you can not get him to address this problem and do something about it you have some big decisions to make.

Answer 5

I think its one of two things:

1) He's cheating and wants to leave and hence wants the relationship to collapse. Doesn't quite sound right from how you tell it though;

2) He could be suffering from something depression related brought on by stress and work. The not blaming you if you found someone else sounds like someone with very very very low self esteem. It could infact be dangerously so that he may cheat for totally the opposite reason. If this is what is happening then for some reason he doesn't believe he deserves you. He has set his standards too high for himself, and now that he is feeling the strain and things aren't perfect he sees himself as a failure. Beware that he may express this by cheating, either by finding someone who makes him not feel a failure, or just by the fact that cheating will destroy the marriage and prove himself correct in his assesment that he was a failure. People like that can be remarkably self-destructive in their life.

Answer 6

He could be depressed. By his saying that he couldn't blame you if you found someone else I think he just feels bad about the situation. I don't think he wants you to find someone else. Sounds like he's either depressed or maybe cheating. Have a friend (that he doesn't know) follow him. Check the phone record. Call his work one day when he is supposed to be working (on the weekend) to see if he's really there. You need to find out the truth. OR come right out and ask him if he is unhappy with you. Hopefully he's just depressed but you need to find out :)

Answer 7

As a guy working all those hour can affect how much you wnt sex. But I think he ethier is thinking about doing it with someone else or has. Or maybe because he is gone so much he thinks you are doing someone it works both ways with us. Take time for yourselves if for just one day alone get a baby sitter and get it on to remind him of how good it is with you. It can be very stressfull as a man wanting the best for his family. Just try and remember what got him in the first place. Good luck

Answer 8

A 10 hour a day job plus an incredibly stressful night job plus a little kid will make anyone not too frisky. He said that probably to hear you tell him there's no way in hell you would ever do such a thing, it's ok, and allay his fears. Much the same way a woman would say for example "boy, I'm getting fat" or something, just to hear the husband say, "no, not at all, you look great" etc. Chance of him having something else going on is very slim.

Answer 9

First I would ask him these questions ....Then I would look in to his 10 hour work days.... And find out what he is doing at the fire house....I have a job that I work at 10 to 15 hours a day and if I'm asked to work on week ends I tell them no fuckenway... I need to spend time with the hubby and kids... So you might ask him to give up the fire house so you and he can have more time for each other...Let me know how it works out for you ... Ill be praying for you....

Answer 10

Might want to consider that if he isn't having sex with you...that he may be giving it to someone else....But it also could be that he really is tired with the hours he works...or maybe he is depressed...Something isn't right with him...especially if others notice that he isn't himself...

LOL....He says that he sees sex for procreation only?...when he never felt that way before...Your husband has someone on the side...he is just good at covering the paper trail...but he will eventually screw up...

The excuse that he feels bad for not being able to spend time with you his plain horse chit....If that were the case...He would be attentive to your needs and not turn his back on you...

My hubby works 80 plus hours a week...and he is always in the mood for sex...