Husbands & Wives-Am I wrong for being angry?

Question

I am angry at my husband. I work at a restaurant on the weekends and this Saturday, I didn't get home until 2 am. When I get home, my husband's not there. I try calling him three different times and he doesn't answer. He calls me thirty minutes later, obviously after a few beers, telling me he's out with his friends. He's at someone's house just sitting around drinking. I had no idea where he was or who he was with until he called me. On top of that, he hadn't fed the dogs all day. This isn't the first time that I've come home and he's not there and I'm clueless as to where he is. Not to mention that, he's drunk. I don't mind if he spends time with his friends, but I think that he should let me know where he'll be and I think he should at least be home by 1 or 2, when I normally get home. He gets upset at me for being upset. I don't get raging mad, but I haven't really been talking to him. I'd never behave the way he does. Am I crazy?

Answer 1

Nope ur not crazy, there's no excuse on why he couldn't answer the call. I'd be just as pissed as u. If ur gonna leave the house the least u can do is leave a note, call me or text me, there's many ways!

Answer 2

I'm 23 and currently not married (yet), but I hope you won't mind if I take some time to respond to your question.

First of all, I definitely think you are justified in being concerned about your husband. And I also think you are justified in being upset. However, unless you talk to your husband about this with love and a clear mind, you won't be able to press through this. Your husband is, for whatever reason, under the impression that because you are out until 2 at work, that it is also okay for him to be out late doing whatever he wants to do as well. If this is not okay with you, then make sure to let him know with as much calmness as you can.

One thing you might make clear is that he needs to get in touch with you before he goes out...also, make sure he realizes that things around the house get done before he goes out...otherwise, the dogs could get hurt. Honestly, not feeding the dogs one day will not hurt, but doing that continuing that behavior could lead to serious problems.

It basically seems like he's getting upset that you're messing with his happy fun time. I'd say make sure he knows you're not trying to keep him from having fun, just that you'd like to know where he is so you don't -have- to worry about him...because at 2am, you can't help but worry...after all, you do love him!

But for goodness' sake, talk to him! That's the best way to preserve your relationship.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

No, your not crazy. Yes, be angry! Then get over it... it was very inconsiderate of him to not leave you a note or call you. I'm sure you were very concerned/worried about where he might be and if he was alright. Especially if the dog was neglected... If this is a pattern with him, it would be good for your guys to get some therapy... work on communication and consideration.
perhaps he is jealous of you working late and missing you while you are gone and this is his way of venting?
if you want to have a healthy relationship, marriage counseling might be the best way to go... some churches offer counseling for free if you can't afford it, call around and see whats out there for you...

Answer 5

I don't think it's unusual for you to feel this way. Relationships are about trust, but there is also another factor and that is respect. Without trust and respect, it's just a fling. In my opinion, if I love someone I must respect them, love and respect to me go hand in hand. And trust, well, life is miserable without it. I think he is stepping on both of these values.

It's fine when people go out occasionally, but to over do it, is really childish. These are the type of scenarios that cause divorce and bitterness (bitterness is anger to me).

Hang in there, I am angry at my husband too, other reasons, but bottom line it's the trust and respect issues......and when I get angry, he does the same thing, he gets angrier and puts everything back on me. I have stopped this by standing by my values, I also am very careful to choose my battles ...As a person, I need validation with respect. If I am going to share my body unconditionally, I better be able to trust 100%. Hope it works out, maybe he's young and will stop behavior soon.

Answer 6

I would be angry to if I came home and my husband is no where to be found. Doesn't answer his phone, knowing me I always think the worst... like his life could be in danger, especially driving around at night, you deal with bad drivers all day, but it gets worse at night because your view is much more limited and more drunks are out at night.

I would be most upset with the fact that he didn't call to let me know that he will be out, and not to expect him to be home when I come home from where ever I would be that day. I have no problem with him spending sometime alone with friends, but at least let me know of his whereabouts so I wouldn't be so concern, and if an emergency comes up I am able to contact him no problem. With children at home, I want to be able to answer to them if they ask me where their daddy is at.

Answer 7

You have every right to be upset! He should leave a note or call and leave a message. There is no reason in the world that he should just dissapear and then get mad at you for it! Talk to him... tell him that its unacceptable behavor and it needs to change. He should respect you, and that is, in my eyes, very very disrespectful. My boyfriend hangs out with his friends and has a good time, but I always know where he is and who hes with. This way I don't have to worry about anything and I don't have to worry about him getting into trouble. If it bothers you, he should respect you and start doing things to make you happy. good luck

Answer 8

I agree with you. He should take care of his animals before anything else. He should also at least let you know where he is going.

While he might on occasion stay out a bit late with his friends, but he should make an effort to be home by the time that you get home.

I would be upset and he has no reason to be upset with you.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 9

First of all, What does he do that gives him so much free time? Second If your scheduels are not letting you spend time that you need with each other your problem is not likely to change soon. If he is at home with nothing to do while you are working, it is typical of a male to look for his friends or for someone else to spend time with. I am not saying that what he is doing I correct or even excusable but it is a reallity. I was married twenty three years and held two jobs most of that time but I always made sure to spend at least one houre of the day with her doing nothing specific just being there and also at least one day of the week for her. I was told once, "If you do not take care of your wife (or husband in your case), someone else will."

Answer 10

No I don't think your are crazy, actually you probably handle it a lot better than I would have. I agree that if you are out working that he should help around the house, and feeding the dogs, is an easy task. I think you should ask him to compromise. If you don't know who he is hanging out with, ask him to introduce you. If he leaves at night while you are at work, as him to leave a note. And with the time thing, unfortunately when you drink time just slips away! Just be patient and talk to him, maybe you both can compromise a solution :)