did u ever see someone that is talented at his job ,yet every day he drinks at least a 12 or more and the weekend is the worse all night until day light. the stupid thing is that he got out of prison ,he served 2 yrs for drunk driveing. I love him but i really don't like him anymore.Is there any way to get him to stop or do I just give up?
2007-12-17 01:59:08 · 12 answers · asked by misfit 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is whats called a functioning alcoholic, alcoholics are not people who are dumb & dirty & losers, alcoholics come in all different sizes, colors, cultures & backgrounds, they are products of society. I am married to a functioning drunk, have been for many years, as a matter of fact my ex-husband was also a functioning drunk & when he cleaned up & got sober I left, & you must wonder why I left? You see when your in a relationship with a alcoholic you yourself also become sick, this is a family disease, it effects everyone in its path, so I ended up becoming the co-dependent in the marriage, when my ex-sobered up I felt empty & useless, my job was over & so was the marriage, so what did I do, I found another man to take care of thru his disease, 9 years later I now understand why I did these things & have become very educated in alcoholism, & one thing I,ve learned thru the years is you cant save a drunk & somewhere deep inside you, you dont want to, because saving this guy will leave you with a feeling of confusion & a emptyness like you,ve never seen before, so my recomondation is for you to seek help, you are just as sick as he is, if not more, you are the co-dependent now, so in order for you to understand this & get better you must seek help for yourself, you cant save him but you can better yourself by going to a local group with people who understand what your going thru & have lived thru this, its called Alanon, just look it up on line or in your local phone book, & keep in mind you cant save him, he must do this on his own, but do take care of you, & when & if he ever does change & stop drinking you will then have the proper tools & knowledge to better cope with his sobriety.
2007-12-17 02:14:36 · answer #1 · answered by penelope 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't even try to stop him when he isn't ready to do so. I was married to an alcoholic for 17 years, and believe me I tryed everything and nothing worked. He lost his family, his job, his children.......everything and he still hasn't stopped 4 years after the split. Don't do what I did and waste your life on someone Else's addiction. You should honestly sit with him, explain how it makes u feel watching him destroy his life, but let him know it is up to him to change it and that u can't go down that road with him, but if he chooses to get help then u will be there to support him........that is all u can do. If you don't do that now....the love u do have left for him will diminish and u will be left with regret and resentment. Live life for you.......he will make his own decisions for his life and believe me it is out of your control.
2007-12-17 10:08:51 · answer #2 · answered by Amber 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to want to stop and you can't make him. Is his decision. My father was a working alcoholic and trust me even getting fired from his job didn't stop him from drinking. He soon got another one and still was drinking. He stopped drinking in his late 70's but has another vice -- smoking. He is almost 80 now.
2007-12-17 10:02:48 · answer #3 · answered by Pinolera 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From personal experience YOU CANT . They have to want to change . You can either wait it out or walk away. After 8.5 years and one baby I had to walk away . It hurt but it is for the best . Just know which ever road you take it will be hard but with time it to will pass
2007-12-17 10:35:37 · answer #4 · answered by c_ann0522 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Loving someone that drinks consistently isn't easy. I know I do it daily. YOU can't make them quit but you can stand up for yourself & tell him that you need him to or you can't stay. I've seen many lose careers, spouses, and family over this and it's never easy.
2007-12-17 10:07:57 · answer #5 · answered by calendargirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call Alcoholics Anonymous and have them direct you to the nearest Ala-non meeting, it's free and they have the best answers for you anywhere in the world.
2007-12-17 10:24:40 · answer #6 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U cannot make anyone do anything they have yet themselves made up their mind to do. Only thing you can do is be encouraging (without the "if you'd only" add-ons) and support what ever efforts they make.
2007-12-17 10:06:16 · answer #7 · answered by 4everFaithful 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should join Al-Anon. You can't change him but you can change the way you react to him and have a support group.
2007-12-17 10:09:45 · answer #8 · answered by Nano 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dump it down the drain, hide the money... hide the bank cards, hide the credit cards, put all the money in an account in your name only... as far as his checks...hmmm... that's a toughie!
sometimes divorce makes a person stop... leave, see what happens...
2007-12-17 10:29:04 · answer #9 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't make someone else do anything they aren't ready to do...Generally speaking people don't quit until they hit "rock bottom"
2007-12-17 10:31:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋