Does she think of just herself, or is it me?

Question

My wife left me for a while. She came back and we are working on things. We have been back together for only a month. The problem is that i cant seem to let go of what happened. Furthermore, i think she was interested in someone right before she left, and did stuff with this guy while we were going thru our divorce. This really affects me, but there is no concrete evidence. Anyway, i seem to dwell on how much she has hurt me just a couple of months ago. Everytime i bring it up to her she just yells at me, swears at me, and doesnt want to hear anything about it. Like my feelings dont matter, she just says im being annoying, and her heart was broken at the same time. I just feel like i want to express my feelings, so maybe she will help me thru them, but even before i can get a sentence out, she is already on defense yelling at me, tell me to block it out, move on, that i am a crazy person, and that im annoying her. Should i just move on, forget everything, or should she show compassion

Im just worried because she really fell out of love with me, and took my kid away druing this time too. How can i know that this wont happen again. I just am worried, but feel i never can talk to her about anything how i feel. She says she loves me, but actions seem different. She came back changed, in the way that she is somewhat emotionally detached, is this a phase we will have to work on, i never been thru this before (divorce, almost) and i dont know what to expect from reconciliation, and how to handle it

Answer 1

Someone that loves you does not talk to you like this. It is as simple as that. Whatever she feels it is not a healthy love, and unless she is willing to recognize this and try to change it is hopeless. You are being emotionally and verbally abused. You need to get out of this relaitonship and after you do go to coundeling and figure out how it is that you could even think for 1 second that you could love and be with someone that treated you in this manner.

Be strong, good luck.

Answer 2

I have heard of a couple that went through something similar
They agreed there were issues involved Though he had been the one cheating.
Anyway cheating spouse was to be silent for one hour a week while he heard his wife raging about all the hurt he caused her and stuff. At the end of that hour he was to aplogise nothing more. The wife was not allowed to bring the issue up the rest of the time.
The cheater got to do something similar but not on the same day.
They agreed on a day/evening each to vent the problems. From what I understand things started to clear after about a month as things did get out in the open but not into an argument.

Until they were right again was about a year

Answer 3

My heart goes out to you but remember the good times as well as the bad times. your wife left and than return back to you and your having a hard time of letting go what happen because you feel as though you have been betrayed and your heart is broken. I think the reason why you cant move on is because you need closure and your wife is not giving you this. You stated that you were going though divorce and she came back because, you have something she needs. When you bring the pass up she gets very angry with you, and wont allow you to express your feelings well there you have it she is guilty of something. Yes your feelings are important also and she is being selfess and wont show any compassion toword you at all. This is your choice not mines do what is right for your self.

Best of luck

Answer 4

I would say that she probably did fall in love with the other person. She doesn't want to talk about it because she may be hurt also if she is still in love with him. Not to hurt you more, but she probably came back for the kids and the safety of your relationship. It may take her time to get over things as well. You have 2 choices either stop talking about it and give her the time she needs to fall in love with you again or get the divorce. You should go to counseling on your own to find out how to move on.

Answer 5

That is what happens when trust has been broken. You may have forgiven her with words, but not with your heart and as long as you feel that way, you will never trust her again. You are human, your feelings were broken, but what is done is done. Perhaps you were too hasty in taking her back and you should have thought it thorouthly. When there is adultery in a relationship is hard to get things to the way they were. On one hand, you have a guilty person and on the other hand you have one that has been hurt. For your own feelings, she needs to come out clean as to exactly what happened. If she claims to have any feelings towards you, she owes you a detailed explanation so you can make a descition.

Answer 6

You won,t have a happy future together if you keep dwelling in the past. Dwelling in the past stops any chance of forgiveness from happening, and it annoys people.It,s like listening to a broken record over and over again.She has no right to swear at you or to think your feelings don,t matter.All disputes must be solved before you can move on in the relationship.

Answer 7

Dear Supr.
It is a fact that men have more of a problem seeing the one they love in the arms of another...they usually see the physical part of the loved one and her lover and women usally see the emotional side of their loved one and lover.
You don't say why the 2 of you split in the very beginning, like was there possibility of another lover...or bad sex,or fighting??
If you want my honest opinion...you both need to seek marriage counciling...you need to talk and she needs to up the truth...then get back on the right road to a healthy marriage.
now...her not wanting to talk about it when you bring it up is a way of telling you she knows what she did was not right and she doesn't want to get into all the details because you 2 might just get into a fight if she is yelling at you and swears at you...you don't deserve that...if you 2 are divorced i'd tell her to hit the road and get on with your life, you don't kneed someone like her trust me there are many ladies out there that would love a man like you who are not going to cheat on you.
in essence.....yes move on and forget her...

Answer 8

For what it is worth....I have seen a lot of things.....it sounds like she was dumped by this other man. Not only is she dealing with the anger and insecurities of rejection she is dealing with you and your emotions.....this is the only thing that could explain her behavior. It is simply too much for her. If she were truly in love with you, your feelings would matter more to her than her own. I think you can deduct where I am going with this from what I have said....I am sorry. This is what I see from the information you gave.

Answer 9

First of all, not being ugly but, you need to move on. You need someone you can talk to and who will listen to you. If she did do something while you two were separated, that's going to be an issue in your mind forever and if she doesn't listen to that and try to assure you that nothing happened, then the best thing for you is to move on.

Answer 10

It's important when you bring things up to do it calmly, without getting upset and swearing. She is unrealistic (and selfish) to think that you can just block things out. IF she loved you, she would be willing to try and work things out. If she's agreed to try and work on things, then you should try to get her to go to marital counseling. Like it or not, these things have to be discussed. Don't get your hopes up too much. It's possible that she doesn't love you. If you can't afford counseling; try these tapes by Mort Fertel: Marriage Fitness.