Were your actions (or inactions) partially to blame? I've read that guys usually cheat for the sex & women cheat for the emotional side. Is that true in your case? So, looking back, is there anything you would have done to change things (so the cheating wouldn't have happened)?
2007-12-17 00:50:55 · 26 answers · asked by Andy K 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No. I don't think it was my fault (nor should you think it was yours). We are talking about a basic and fundamental lack of control on the part of the cheater. Essentially the ability to control ourselves is what is supposed to separate us from the rest of the animal kingdom.
So, I blame the cheater (and forgive them as well). Anything else is just an excuse and something that can be over come with time, education and training.
2007-12-17 00:59:08 · answer #1 · answered by shaffner 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I have no idea why I was cheated on..I was very close to being a perfect woman. We had sex all the time and I was always there when he needed me..I don't know what went wrong and to this day, I still don't understand it. He doesn't even have an answer to why he cheated...I just think that he was a very selfish person. Now, he's regretting it.
2007-12-17 09:14:05 · answer #2 · answered by ZarahzMA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheating is universal in that it is done by both sexes. Yes, its true that males have a harder time being monogamous than females (natures need to breed) but, it does happen in women as well.
My ex, who cheated on me with my TWO best friends has been remarried three times since out divorce. Can you guess why? Yep. I can't help but laugh at the guy she left me for.....he had three kids by her and now he pays and pays.....and pays. So do the others......
To have changed things would have been difficult. When your in love, you just don't see the warning signs (until it's too late). Hindsight is great but it is of little help.
2007-12-17 09:02:08 · answer #3 · answered by we_are_legion99 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it was, in any way, my wife's fault that I cheated on her. Yeah, I cheated for the sex, but not because my wife wasn't giving me enough. I cheated because of a defect in my own personal character, and I honestly don't think she could have done anything differently to prevent it -- I was an accident waiting to happen. It was entirely my fault, something I will always regret. However, I did learn, mature, and grow a great deal as a result of the aftermath.
2007-12-17 08:56:42 · answer #4 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I believe it happened on impulse and had nothing to do with me. Do feel he was seeking 'outside affection' to prove to himself that women still found him desireable. He already knew I did. It was just a stupid, foolish, idiotic mistake that he thought I'd never find out about.
Think he may have not felt he could talk to me about his inner feelings; that of getting older; less attractive; that women didn't look at him all the time and flirt with him as they used to do - but after the one night fling of his, he ended up telling me all the things that he was going through and now knows he can talk to me about anything. I thought he already knew this but he didn't. And, perhaps I was not complimenting him as much as I used to or letting him know how sexy he still is to me. Sometimes we don't take the time to reinforce something that we believe is 'taken for granted' in marriage.
So, perhaps I contributed in a small way - but he is 100% to blame for his actions; he always had the opportunity to come to me first with his feelings. Which he does now; all the time.
2007-12-17 11:11:00 · answer #5 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My spouse cheated on me a few times, she was young and wild when we got married, she said she was ready but i dont think she was and when the weight of the world got to heavy, kids, bills and such, she seemed to find someone to lean on. we are now getting a divorce which is best, we both have new people in our lives and hopefully she will be ready to grow up this time, tho it dont seem like it, DO I take the blame for her infidelity, hell no i dont, i loved her all she wanted, never disrespected her, bought her what she wanted and till this day still wants to have sex cause the men she has been dating she said arent as good as i was, tough **** now lol.
2007-12-17 08:57:45 · answer #6 · answered by the_real_eaglesfan03 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
most of the men who cheated on me in the past also cheated on their previous partners before me, so, I know I was not at fault... cheaters blame their partners because they know they are at fault, this puts less guilt on themselves when they cheat =(... basically, cheaters are the ones who need to change, not the ones who they cheated on...
there is nothing I could have done to try to change these men... they cheated while I was at work or while I was doing the things I needed to do... men who don't like to be alone should not have relationships until they can be used to being alone... at times...
yes, it's a lack of morals and self control on a cheater's part...
2007-12-17 09:03:58 · answer #7 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He said it was my fault...and yes because of sex. For a long time I believed him, but no more. I realize that he simply wanted what he wanted when he wanted it...like a little kid. Cheating was his version of a temper tantrum and made me realize that the relationship was doomed for more than simply the cheating. Cheating is just a symptom of a much bigger problem...one that can either be fixed or not.
2007-12-17 09:01:20 · answer #8 · answered by erin A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, Andy, my first husband was a possessive womanizer. No matter what he had, he went looking for more. Our life was great for the first year...it was the next six that were unbearable.
Other than never marrying him in the first place,I wouldn't change anything...I learned a lesson, the hard way. It made me toughen up, and not be such a trusting person as I was back when I met him.
2007-12-17 12:08:13 · answer #9 · answered by Holiday Magic 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I believe that women can verily cheat for the sex too.. but then it probably gets emotional for them at some point. Sometimes a gal just wants to be nailed to the wall.. beyond her husband's capabilities.
2007-12-17 11:14:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋