How to Know when the time is right to Talk??

Question

I have a situation, I posted recently that my fiancee and mother of my child who's been in my life for almost nine years had told me a month in a half ago that she was detached from me and wasn't sure if she and I would work out, that really messed me up but threw it all I still love her more and more and want to prove myself to be a capable and driven man for her, anyways we had a discussion and she said in January she would know what she wants cause she needed some time, I for one wasn't happy about that, I thought she had a interior motive, but I am sticking threw, I put her threw some up's and down's and she deserves to have her time to weigh her options, but she recently told me she still doesn't know that january would be enought, she still don't know if she want's to leave or stay, what can I say or do to get us back to where we were, should I jsut continue waiting, cause for I would wait forever, but it's hard.. what should I do???

Basically my question is is waiting a good thing or should I try to win her back, cause I know and feel she still loves me, maybe not sure herself how deep it is, but she's been slowly inching her way back into her old self with me, and I miss that, I just feel that our time together, beng high school sweethearts, sharing a child together, and working threw all the struggles should have made us stronger, just want to know what would anyone else do in this situation.. read my previous post question to know alittle more about this if it helps with anyone's answer, Thanks..

also... she tells me she needs space also, and I can admit I am alittle confining, but I am not a man who isn't afraid to say " I love you" and show it, so is there also a way for me to express that or should I stick with the " Patience is a Virtue" stigma and see what th enew years gives me?

Answer 1

Hon, I feel Ur pain..
but u need to re evaluate the situation..
so u love her..
does she love u.. I mean is she in love with u.. there is a difference?
No need in wasting Ur time o someone who doesn't... she may have problems in that she is just using u for the time being.. and if so
u will grow to hate her.. hate Ur self and hate life
ask her to go to counseling with u.. if she says no.. u have Ur answer..
stay for a while ..... in the meantime u go to counseling and get Ur self some help.. u need to able able to identify the signs of her behavior..
u need to let go some ... u r gonna get hurt badly
U never love someone more than ur self..
U have to love and respect ur self for someone else to love and respect u.
go get help... asap..
lots of luck.. and happy holidays

Answer 2

Okay, first of all, you are doing the right thing by posting this...she does need you. Talk to her now. When you talk to her, don't pressure her to give you an answer...Talk to her about her feelings. Ask her why she is feeling this way. Ask her things that she feels that she needs from you. Ask her how you can help her through this. Now, mind you, her answers may not be what you want to hear. Apparently, she has been thinking a long time about leaving you...so be patient (I know you have) and let her do most of the talking. Sit down when it is just you and her and no one else. Ask her why she feels detached. Oh and let me tell you this...my husband and I have been married for 7 years and there are days I feel real distant from him. So I initiated a "date night" which basically means, one night out of the month, he and I go on a date. Now, it doesn't have to cost a lot of money, it's just a night where he and i can talk. It doesn't mean sex, or go out with the friends etc...just me and him. And it has worked out great. We know on that night, that we can talk about anything that is bugging us...granted sometimes I don't like what he says but, the point is we are communicating. Another thing, this will be hard to do, let her make the moves. I know that guys are always the ones that are responsible for making the initiative but, let her come to you. Don't talk to her about this for awhile, talk to her about things that you like to do with her (boating, golfing etc...whatever it may be). Lighten up the mood...Laugh with her. Make her understand that you will be there for her no matter what...and you can do this without making a sound. Take your child to the park with her and just play. Don't bring up any problems etc. Then when the right time comes, the subject will come back up but, then she will have all of these thoughts about all the great things you and her have done and it will be easier for her to make up her mind....but, one last thing, don't bombard her with questions and don't pressure her for an answer.....just enjoy the day that you have today. And tomorrow will take care of itself. Hope this helps. Keep us posted.