i need your opinion...?

Question

Do you think I have the right to feel "non-important" in this situation? What is your outlook?

My mum currently lives overseas. She owns a house [a 5 minute drive] from where I reside/rent with my partner and daughter. She does not rent her house to any tenants, and whilst she is overseas [where she lives; a few years at a time] her house is empty.

I am asked to pick up her mail weekly, and to check on the house occasionaly to make sure noone has "broken in".
My question is, do you think I have the right to be slightly annoyed at the fact that my mum rather have her house sitting empty, than allow/offer me to live in there.

She knows my partner and I are trying our hardest to save for our own house, being that rent is so high these days - I am sure she knows how much easier it would be to save money faster.We do not have any addictions or reasons why she could or would be "iffy" about us living there. Would this situation bother you, as it seems to be bothering ME!

Am I wrong?

Answer 1

Actually, she is doing you a favor by keeping you independent. Also, it's her house... she worked and paid for it. She has the right to do with it as she pleases... and you are obligated as her child to honor her requests to make sure that the property is safe. When she comes home, I'm sure that she would want to have a place to live that has not been lived in by others. I know that would be my preference. Just put yourself in your mother's shoes. Look at it a while from her point of view. You may just want to ask her why.

Answer 2

No, not if you are doing those things that she is asking you to do with no giving in return, but I have a mother who is not very much different than yours, and all I can imagine is all the crap that would be blown up, or made up if you 'were' staying there. I would rather tough it and be independent than have my mother kick me and my family on the street on a whim, which she would do. When I was homeless for a few months and sleeping in my car, my mother refused to help AT ALL. I was 19. Either find another place cheaper at some point and move away and let her know that you won't be able to do as you were doing before, because the gas is far too expensive, or stay and succeed out of spite than because you are doing well. I have learned life is not easy, and even with my husband and children I have been in far worse situations. Be thankful for what you do have no matter how hard it is to keep it. Work for what you have and don't expect freebies, it don't always happen.

Answer 3

Look, I definitely would not deny my children help in this way. I can't imagine doing this, but not everyone is like me. The only way I can see your Mum doing this from a positive point of view is perhaps she would like you and your family to learn to save in spite of the fact that you are the daughter of a reasonably wealthy person. Perhaps she is thinking it is character forming. She may want to see you both say, Hey Mum, I have saved this many dollars in the past three years... do you think you could please rent your home to me at a slightly reduced rate than my current rent because of the caretaking I am doing for you. If she sees you are in earnest to save and get ahead, she may help you out. Also if you have other brothers and sisters, maybe she does not want to give you favours over the others. Try to think on the best side of it. In any case, you have many blessings. Just having a family, health and any place to live, electricity, fresh water and things, these are all very great blessings. Try to count your blessings and not your disappointments.

Best of luck in the house goal eventually.

Cheers

Lisa

Answer 4

You have no 'right' to your mother's house but you do have the right to be too busy to look after it. Your Mum sounds a bit self centred but I hesitate to judge her actions. Perhaps there is some other motivation for her apparent lack of generosity in your case. I would suggest you stop house sitting and tell her to hire a security firm to do the work instead. If she asks why you don't want to continue just tell her that it is too time consuming and that you need to devote more energy to your own family home ownership aspirations.

Answer 5

It may pinch you that while she has an empty house and you are struggling to get one. It is not that she is oblivious of that. She is aware of your needs and yet she has not offered you to live in her house.
But you have to allow her the freedom or the dignity or the pain on being alone.
You too undergo the pains of being in tough situation.
Things have been cut out to be like that.
One thing is for sure. In the long run you will emerge out as a better person and will acquire wealth and peace of mind.
Till then you have my good wishes.

Answer 6

I would definitely feellike you in this situation but as has been suggested, there's no harm in asking. Your mother might be feeling that offering you a house would sort of embarass and demean you or even be insulting. Try asking, that would be more considerate than thinking that she is not proposing something that she could have.

Answer 7

My question is, have you ever asked her to live there? Some people are just incredibly dense about things, or she may feel that you want to do it all on your own, which some people do. If you've asked and she outright refused, then you'll have to decide whether or not to let it bother you.

Answer 8

It appears that your mum did not endorse your choice of your partner. Your partner should respect your mum as much as you do so that she looks you in your partner's behavior. Then the problem will be solved automatically in due course of time.

Answer 9

Did you ever ask her?

We can't always read peoples' minds. Maybe she thought you were comfortable living on your own house..

Answer 10

Could be it has never occurred to her.

Why don't you ask?

Love and blessings Don