I have been married for well over 10 years. My wife for what ever reason refuses to have sex any more. It has been going on 3 years now. We have talked about this 2 1/2 ...2... 1 1/2...1 ....6months ago. 2 weeks ago I had told her I have finally had enough. Told her I still love her but don`t under stand.I said to her the way I see it there can only be a few reasons for this...#1 You are seeing someone else #2 she has turned into a lezzy ...#3 I must not be the right man for her or #4 there is a medical problem( which is not the case) She said she was not seeing anyone and didn`t want to and no to the lezzy part as well. 2 days ago I met a really nice gal that I wouldn`t mind getting to know better. We met again yesturday for coffee. I have never cheated on my wife before but this time I`m not sure if I will or not...I still love my wife but think we both deserve more out of life. My question to you is what would you do in my shoes
2007-12-16 23:57:53 · 21 answers · asked by charlie s 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Something is definately going wrong here. Have you talked to her about counseling? If nothing has worked. Don't cheat. Get a divorce then start a new relationship. I understand now that "it just happened" line. I've been there. When you don't get what you need emotionally or physically you can't help but go elsewhere. I did the same thing. I was divorced first though. I'm sending you a hug because you sound like you need one.
2007-12-17 00:05:27 · answer #1 · answered by Sparkles 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is time to pack your bags and find an apartment.
File the separation agreement and get on with your life.
For a wife to refuse sexuality voluntarily is an announcement of separation anyway. Of course she does not want you to leave. She will never find a guy who would put up with that for 3 years again.
BTW- For the marriage is not about sex crowd, Sexuality is a huge part of marriage. An active sex life in marriage is the method of expressing closeness, intimacy and love. Sexuality also proves to be one of the best barometers of the health of a relationship. Without sexuality a marriage is little more than two roommates.
I would not stay long in any relationship where my partner is not sexual voluntarily.
Move out and move on.
You have been at this for change for too long. You wife will not change. You need to decide that you are going to deal with this forever or that you want a sex life. If it is the latter move out tomorrow. Take care of the divorce. Keep TALKING with this woman and teell her what is going on. If it is meant to be it will be. As far as cheating you will do better to hang on until the divorce. Cheating is swapping fluids. until now you have done nothing wrong especially when viewed against your wifes refusal to be sexual.
Move out, see that lawyer and get on with it.
It is truly unfortunate that you are forced to throw out a 7 year relationship but you have been alone for three years already.
2007-12-17 00:07:42 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Since you love your wife and have 10+ years invested with her, I'd rethink this coffee business. You are already cheating unless you have told your wife about Ms Coffee or you would invite her to come along.
You don't say what her reasoning is, just what it isn't.
Does she admit to having sexual urges or does she have none?
I can't imagine a woman reacting well to someone saying "if you don't want sex with me, then you have one of these problems" You're lucky she didn't suggest that you have sex with yourself.
Perhaps you could approach your wife with a supportive manner and asking what you could do to change the situation. Finger pointing only works in politics and then can backfire sometimes.
This is not a "her" problem, it's a "we" problem.
Counseling may be in order and just hope it's not too late.
Since you are already coffee cheating we have to wonder if you haven't moved on in your mind.
Give this some thought, please, and don't see Coffee Woman during the holidays.
Try concentrating on what you and Wife still have good together - this may bring the sex back too.
I hope you all can get your marriage back on track.
2007-12-17 00:14:52 · answer #3 · answered by pinky 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are in a bad situation!!! well yes you have right to get more out of life but you are married and committed and sex or sex in marriage doesn't justifies you to cheat upon your wife.
Go to her and talk her...tell her about your feelings for this girl you met. Maybe this time your wife will be more open to discuss her issues because she will see a potential threat to her relation and marriage. You have given enough time. This one last time is worth for your relation and for you as a person.
If your marriage has to end let that be mutual and not because you cheated. You have been very patient so far. Don't mess things up in haste.
I hope you will find a way!!!!!
2007-12-17 00:09:28 · answer #4 · answered by Nav 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give up on your marriage yet. I think she needs to seek some medical advise as it is not normal to have such a low libido. The old saying 'if you don't use it, you lose it' may also apply. She is so used to not having or enjoying sex, she has lost the desire for it. Get her into the doctor and if necessary, into counseling. If she still refuses to do any of these things, well, you tried your best - and I really wouldn't blame you for wanting outside sex. You've been a saint to wait this long. Please, please - tell her the truth - if you don't get that need fulfilled from her, you will fulfill it with someone else. If she still doesn't care - you will have your answer.
2007-12-17 03:29:06 · answer #5 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quit justifying cheating on my wife by blaming it on her and get into marital counseling to find out what is going on. There are other reasons why a woman stops having sex, premenopausal changes or self image changes, or maybe she's just exhausted. Maybe you changed, and she's not happy about that. Whatever the reason, if you really wanted a relationship with your wife, you would be working on that, not having coffee with strangers.
2007-12-17 00:52:04 · answer #6 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest seeing a specialist, like a sex therapist. There is one other thing that it could be that you didn't mention: she may have had a traumatic sexual experience!! She may have been raped or sexually molested and never told you (many women who have been through something like that will keep it a secret or repress the memory). The negative effects of this can come about years after the fact. Your best bet is to consult a sex therapist, they are the most qualified in getting to the heart of your problem.
2007-12-17 00:38:52 · answer #7 · answered by jujube 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man have to have sex. That's just the way it is. I do not know what it is about women - they all of a sudden switch off. You are not alone in this. You have plenty of company.
You love her. You do not want to cheat. Fine. But don't go looking for a girl.........that spells disaster.It can get messy. The web that this affair weaves gets you entangled so bad that you will be in both financial and emotional ruin.
I can't believe I am suggesting this, but anyway here I go:
I will go pay the girl of the night and have a session. No love involved but at least you get to do it. No affairs, no commitments. Just money that's it. Depending on your personality you will not do it ever again, I do not know. But these girls serve a useful purpose. Your case fits that bill.
You are big boy, you know how to protect yourself against STD's.
Good luck.
2007-12-17 00:14:15 · answer #8 · answered by Nightrider 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I believe I would go see a marriage counselor.
Does she want to stay married? Have you told her that you are considering ending the marriage? I hear you say you'll maybe cheat on her, but maybe she just doesn't realize how serious you are? Sad as it is, she may not be listening.
She needs maybe a sex therapist.
But also, you may need to be prepared to hear that she has *NO* emotional connection to you, and even so much as *NO* physical attraction as well. Which honestly, most women need to want to have sex.
Few women, imo, can go through the act simply because they enjoy sex.
2007-12-17 00:05:38 · answer #9 · answered by *Artesia* 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
you met a gal for coffee, that's cheating... because you know you would like to get to know her...
are you addicted to porn or something? perhaps that's why your wife won't have sex w/ you... do you chat online w/ women? do you flirt online w/ women? do you flirt in general? even in public? take a good look at yourself...
you deserve more out of life? you mean more sex? for better or worse was the vow... I think there is more to this story... you need to find out what it is...
marraige is not about sex, it's about love... sex is an extra... and until you learn that, you will have a rough road ahead of you...
2007-12-17 00:07:39 · answer #10 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋