I have been chasing men all my life. Should I stop and go with the flow?

Question

For example, let the man make the first move. Please explain your answers - share your experiences.

I am 55 years old and single.

Thanks to all who participate.

I am very moved by all your answers and your sincere help. You are really the best address because you care and share. Seniors, I love you!

So many great answers and I can only choose 1 best answer. Please know that I wish I could choose more than 1 - thanks again for your help - You're all the best.

Answer 1

I guess my answer would have to be in the form of a question to you...."Has chasing men all your life been working well for you....Have you gotten what you want?" If yes, then keep doing it, but if your answer is "no," then a new strategy is definitely called for. Perhaps you also need to ask your self why you feel the need to "chase" men (this is a very interesting choice of words.) Why have you not just "gone with the flow" before now? If (this is a big "if") you are being perceived as "needy" or "desperate" the type of man you are probably looking for will run away from you as fast as he can....or...you will attract men that will prey on your vulnerabilty and "neediness".....probably not exactly what you are looking for. The answer to your question is within yourself...but you need to ask yourself some tough questions and be painfully honest with your replys....Good luck and be gentle with yourself.

Answer 2

Sweetie, life is a balance of pursuit and being pursued. Until such a time as you decide you want off that merry go round or you find that special someone.
You say you've done all the chasing but at an age of 55 I feel certain over the years many a fellow chased you as well.
I would not chase anyone though, let them know in a subtle way that you like them and give them the opportunity to show if they are interested in return.
Just go through life being your charming self. Love will find you when you least expect it sometimes.

Answer 3

What is it that you are chasing? A friend, his money or what? [not trying to be rude here.] Take time to smell the roses and figure out who YOU are, what you want, what your dreams are and follow that. [EX: would you rather be washing someone else's clothes or eating out and enjoying an art museum, church services, scenic drive, your favorite programs, etc... you alone, or with a good friend or new friend can do that. ]

Spinning your wheels around wears you out, spends wasted time and brings others near you to see 'what's happening'.
If 'what's happening' involves them getting at 'you', then they aren't worth it. If you chase or they chase, it ususally involves the same results. [you know what that is...] At 55, you are still young. [56, here.]
A friend can last a life time, you can earn your own money...
what do YOU want from life? A partner can cause you to do things you may not wish to do... being alone can have it's own rewards. Figure out what you want from YOUR life and have a great time... life is short, be responsible for your happiness.

Be selective and don't allow anything less. Your life / happiness is worth more than someone else's deceits.
Best wishes/happy holidays!

Answer 4

In answer to your question, YES.

As my Dad used to tell me, "Chase the man, until HE catches you"

There is an art to pursuing a man and he must never view it as you pursuing him, but rather it being his idea to pursue you.

Making the first move can be OK in some instances, but even then it must be kept light and not seen as pushy, desperate etc. Men seem to have a sixth sense about women who are looking to snare a man..and will run in a nano second! - they can detect 'neediness' like one can detect a skunk from afar!

In addition, having a mate is more about two people meeting each other and gradually discovering they wish to be together because each cares genuinely about the other...it is NOT about catching a mate for the sake of having a mate.

Answer 5

Hi, you look young so I am going to say do not waste your life looking for someone. When it is time He will find you...just make sure you don't miss the opportunity because he doesn't look the way you think he should...because a guy can be pgysically beautiful and open his mouth and all of a sudden he isn't cute, and another guy that doesn't look like your type may have this incredible personality and sense of humor and passion that will make him beautiful in your eyes. Also if you date someone for a year and he doesn't propose, cut him loose...don't waste your youth on someone who isn't willing to commit, and I mean commit.When you cut him loose he may realize what he lost and coming running to get on his knee and ask you. Trust me it worked for my daughter. These are the mistakes I made and I am old and alone and I don't want that for you.
PS men by nature love the hunt..so let him hunt and don't be so easy to get caught.

Answer 6

Stop looking for the right man and just start meeting people for friendship. Date or hang out with a guy as friends and if it does not turn into something sexual or deeper feeling you can still be friends. Men friends are great to have. They probably will still want to sleep with you but will not be pushy about it. I don't see any reason to wait for a man to make the first move. It is scary for them to ask someone out too.
My husband and I met because I called him and we went to a movie together. We met in front of the theater and I was willing to pay for mine but he wouldn't let me. Then he offered to buy dinner. We have been together ever since. He probably wanted to get laid. I was looking for a friend. We fell in love.

Answer 7

It might depend on what you mean by "chase".

Many of guys have fragile egos and 'know' that if they approach someone that they might want to get to know better, that they will be shot down. That's why it is hard for guys to ask a girl to dance, no is devastating.

My suggestion would be to make him aware that you would be interested and that he would not receive an automatic rejection and then not 'go with the flow' but work with the flow.

I don't mean it to sound so premeditated, but us shy guys need a little guidance.

We don't mind chasing, we just can't hear the starter's gun sometimes.

Answer 8

All this is a great discussion, but I'm also 55 and single and I'm not chasing, I'm searching! Where are those men? I would chase one if I could find one! To Jeff H., you must be very young.

Honey, if you see one you like, go for it. Chase doesn't have to mean run him to the ground. Circle him.

Answer 9

Get yourself an 18 year old & I guarantee he'll wear you out & wipe you out financially. This way you'll get to experience motherhood & relationships all in one nice neat little package. When he finds a younger woman, you'll still have all of his friends to play with.
Wouldn't it just be better to give up & get on with living life? You aren't getting any younger, ya know!
You are fortunate to have lived your life without marriage & divorce. Say thank you to the powers that be! You are one of the lucky ones!
Should you stop & go with the flow? Only you can answer that.
You just might have an addiction issue that some soul searching & counseling might help you to pinpoint! You are never too old to make changes in your life.

Answer 10

I am not meaning to be rude when I ask this .. but do you think you are single because you have been the Chaser all your life ....
many men find aggressive women off-putting ( n.b as in the ones ALWAYS doing the chasing ...)

RELAX ... break old habbits and try and let the guys chase for a while . .