Wants to leave. Tired of being told that HE owns EVERYTHING and that I don't have a thing. Worth leaving?

Question

My paychecks went to groceries, bills, and entertainment. His went to furniture, investments, HIS credit card bills. Now I'm at a loss for any proof that anything is even half mine.

Not living where I want to live. Desperately want to move. Tired of being treated like a barefooted slave. If food isn't on the table, it's the end of the world. If the weekend doesn't involve HIS plans for a good time, its the end of the world.

I don't remember the last time we even did something I want to do. Want to move, want to live on my own, but still love him. Afraid to abandon him. Afraid to be on my own as well (even though I KNOW I could make it and succeed far better than he could).

Any advice, helpful or not, silly or serious, whatever you got. You all know that ONE word can trigger a thousand thoughts. Many thanks in advance. Cheers to my friends in the UK.

Merry Christmas!

Answer 1

...you are going no-where if you stay, leave, the loser and do
it on your own. be sure to have legal proceedings initiated.
you don't have to prove anything, to the judge. DO IT!

Answer 2

She's a whore. I'm not even going to try to explain why someone would do something like this. What I am going to say is that you kids need protection. Someone needs to call either the Police or Child Protection Services. I hate getting them involved but this is an emergency. I can not stand the idea of you little ones being left destitute and alone. No matter what happens you will have a rough time ahead for you. You sound like a survivor to me so I think that you personally will come out of this alright. I've been reading some of the other answers and I'm wondering what planet some of these people are on. Don't call CPS because you'll wind in foster care? I think you are going to have to face a harsh reality right away. If your mother leaves who is going to buy the food? Who is going to pay the rent, pay for utilities? How will you afford clothes for school? Are you going to give up your education? Who is going to take care of the 9 year old while everyone is working? Are your 19 and 22 year old siblings ready to accept the responsibility for you two? If you have other family would they really be willing to take you in? Has anyone given any consideration to what is actually going to happen to everyone if all the so called adults in your life take a hike? Are you really prepared to stand on street corners so you won't starve to death? There are sometimes in life when you are forced to make extremely difficult dicisions based on the hard reality that is before you. Who knows, maybe your mother is just mouthing off, maybe she won't really leave but, if she does, what are you prepared to do in order to survive.

Answer 3

You say you still love him. Do you really? IMO, you can only love someone so long that gives no love back in return. If you truly feel you do still love him- are you sure you are not just in love with the man he was BEFORE he started treating you so badly. Whatever the case may be, any love you have will turn to resentment. Please don't spend your life with a man that treats you like a barefoot slave as it is inevitable your love will eventually die. Then you will have wasted more of your life than you have already. You seem to have a fantastic attitude and that can take you very far and onto a happier life. I'd take that road- the one away from him. Good luck and Merry Christmas to you as well. :)

Answer 4

Oh, dear!
My girl - men suppose to be "bread winners" to support their woman and family and be proud of it. Otherwise - if a man doesn't treat his wonan with respect - he is just a user and a loser (not to use another stronger word).
If he loves you - he should stop those stupid accusations about earning more and owing more than you - how pathetic that is! If a man treats you like a slave - dump him for good. You deserve better.
You know - man sometimes will use a woman bad and by doing that have her being attached to him (the enslaver).
Maybe if you stood your grownd - he would be acting differently. And maybe he wants you to make a first move to separation. How cruel (but clever)! So you are the one who suffered all that and you are the one who will feel guilty!
Don't let that happen girl! You are a WOMAN and deserve so much better espesially that you have so much to give (forget the financials - they should mean nothing in building good relationship and partnership in life).

Answer 5

Hey there Can appreciate your position as i am in a similar one. I moved to live in the USA from Ireland a few years ago and since then for the first time in 23 years of marriage he is the chief breadwinner and like you everything is HIS - he gives me with a great deal of 'begging' a housekeeping allowance but its far from adequate and this is causing constant distention. Also he had a serious affair last year so all in all my marriage is far from happy but like you am 'scared' if i can make it on my own esp in a strange country. My inclination is to run for the airport and home but why should i walk out on half of everthing i own? I dont think i even love him any more but then again not sure about that either I am a Mess so i know this is not much help to you - sorry just seems we are in a similar boat. If you wish to chat feel free to e mail me at
[e-mail]
Hope things work out someway for you Maureen

Answer 6

If you are married, then everything you and your husband have gained during the course of the marriage is split equally, unless there is proof one or the other of you had an affair, etc. In these cases, some judges order the cheater to lose!

If you are unhappy, talk to your husband. You said you love him, so try to work it out if you think he will listen. Tell him how you feel.. "i feel....like a slave" :"i feel unhappy" "I feel neglected" "i feel taken advantage of"... i would like to try and work this marriage out.

You could also suggest counseling to learn how to communicate, compromise.

Maybe you feel stuck in a rut.. same old thing, different week...

I sure hope you get some good answers here, and that things work out for YOU, as a person... you deserve to be happy.

Answer 7

Your situation is almost identical to my mother's. If this man has not already been physically abusive with you, he will be. I know you love him, but part of that is only because he has chipped away at your self esteem so much that you feel like you can't do better than him. It is good that you still believe you can succeed without him, because you can. Get out of this relationship before you get hurt anymore. And do not be afraid to ask for help, be it from friends, family, or even the law.

Answer 8

Emily, just read what you have written aloud. I believe it will tell you what you are thinking and feeling, as clearly as it tells us. You say you trust in you enough to know you can lead a better life alone. What is actually holding you back?

What about making two columns, one for and one against staying in your present situation. Jot down every thing that pops into your head. You may be surprised to find what your subconscious will unearth.

This a journey of discovery for you and whatever the out come you will be changed forever. You sound level headed enough to make a healthy decision.

Enjoy the many happy years ahead.

Answer 9

I am presuming that your a female because, you stated "HIS credit card bills." If my assumption is correct and you are female it's just a matter of how long have been together....Read up on the "Common Marriage Laws". I personally believe that you may find some very helpful stuff in there....Get you an attorney for the job....Relationships evolving Money,Houses,cars,& Bills...etc,etc.. normally ends with whoever is the meanest walking away with more at the end of the day...

Answer 10

If your married or not, just chalk it up as a lesson learned, this man seems very selfish and self centered, and your right you can do it and make it on your own you dont need someone that has no respect for you, life is way too short to live like that... learn to respect yourself and set standards of what you want in a relationship then seek someone that will give you what you need... you will be so much happier...

Answer 11

Why be afraid to abandon someone who treats you badly? You don't love him, you love who you want him to be. To leave may be the "end of the world" but that sounds like a good thing. It leaves room for you to create a new world for yourself. One that includes YOUR plans. And you can put dinner on the table whenever you feel like it :)