The short and skinny of my situation is that I have a slight addition to pornography. I do not look at it often but every once in a while I will click on a website that I know about to see, lack of a better word, what is new. I have never tried to seek satisfation elsewhere but I do find myself pulled to this world. I have, not that it is a valid reason, been able to track the episodes to points where levels of stress are elevated and sexual relations have decreased between my wife and I. I have made major improvements in the amount that I use to watch but I have not been able to completely remove it from my life (either through spam or easy access to free sites).
Now that you know some of the history of my situation. I know that I have stumbled (and I do every 1-2 yrs) but does this make bad Husband and partner. There is nothing else that I do that one would view as unfaithful. Am I wrong and to what level would you consider it?
2007-12-16 19:59:57 · 13 answers · asked by ChaRiaLer 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
...that is not cheating at all, that is viewing entertainment, its
not hurting anybody but those with a pious, holier than thou,
attitude. enjoy, life is short.
2007-12-20 19:42:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
from the perspective of a LOVING wife with a HAPPY husband, I'm going to admit that even in GOOD marriages there are times when the woman just doesn't feel like "putting out" as it seems at the time.
Guys have these urges. Hormonally, they are very driven to reproduce and just like women can't resist PMSing, a lot of bad can be cause by a guy rejecting this carnal need. A lot of problems that I have seen in otherwise fine marriages have been due to sexual tension.
If it were consuming your life (and your bank account) I'd say you need some help. But, if you find you can shut off the computer and spend some quality time cuddling intimately with your wife or going out with the guys or playing with your kids (if you have any) or some other non-porn related activity, you're fine.
Talk with your wife about it, though. You don't have to admit that you view porn right away. Just ask her what she thinks of it. Maybe she'd be interested in watching a few late-night movies with you, as well? And perhaps that would spawn a few intimate moments for you two?
2007-12-17 04:18:10 · answer #2 · answered by Laura 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not going to say "good" or "bad". I think the issue here is that you tend to gravitate towards porn at a time when you need to be putting a little extra effort into your marriage. Porn is the easy instant stimulation where putting time and effort into your marriage is real work.
When you feel inclinded to have a little look, ask yourself if it's just eye candy or if you are getting something that you would rather be getting from the warm loving person in the next room. The answer should tell you what you need to do.
2007-12-17 04:11:14 · answer #3 · answered by pplwatching 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it's sweet that you are trying to seek help for this. I don't think you are doing anything wrong. Porn is okay, as long as it has not substituted the real thing. You are not addicted to it if it's an occassional thing. If it's the stress in your life which is causing a decrease in the intimacy b/w you and your wife, it's okay. But if you find that your wife cannot please you the way that the porn can, that's when it's a problem and that's when you should seek some help.
You aren't unfaithful. You are a man.
2007-12-17 04:05:23 · answer #4 · answered by zimmiesgrl 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Install Covenant Eyes on your computer before you wreck your marriage!!!! Check information on Promise Keepers website and read Every Man's Battle by Steve Arterburn.
Flirting and porn are variations of adultery.
Note that porn is at an all time high and so is impotency!!! And Viagra sales!!!
Do not let any of this in the sacred circle of your marriage - it destroys intimacy.
Live your life without regret.
Joy to you!
2007-12-17 04:13:10 · answer #5 · answered by frillyfroofroo 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, you're wrong. You're cheating your wife out of your full affection.
What we view changes our perception of the world. A thief thinks everyone steals. A liar doesn't trust anyone. Same with someone who looks at porn.
Men are by nature very visual creatures, and the purveyors of porn exploit that. Make no mistake, you're being marketed to by some very clever individuals. Don't fall for it. It ruins marriages very easily.
2007-12-17 04:05:54 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its cheating and for the amount of time you spend doing that why dont you work at your marriage so your need to do that will end...and if you really wanted to stop then get rid of the computer find activities with your wife and build your relationship with her instead of sitting and watching that crap...
2007-12-17 07:26:20 · answer #7 · answered by Renee 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Men are visual creatures and it's not abnormal to look at porn from time to time... many women just don't "get it" and don't realize or understand how visuals turn a man on...
It's not a crime to look at porn... some people are addicted to it, and in that case they need help...
You seem normal to me? You're not wrong... and looking doesn't make ypu a bad husband or partner.. it's not about your wife or relationship, it's just about the visual appeal and fantasy.. and everyone, including women, have fantasies.
The only men i know who don't look are dead.
2007-12-17 04:37:20 · answer #8 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Stop this beofre it gets big, and it will. No matter what anyone says- pornography is addictive. If you have to hide it, which it sounds like you do, you know its a problem. Do you have nothing better to do?If you're having intiamcy issues with your wife, that isnt going to help.
2007-12-17 04:05:00 · answer #9 · answered by kttphoenix 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
i think that your doing very well for making improvements
porn is a path that ANY male can end up.....
good luck.
ps i am struggling with it too.
ima not a heavy user, but ima trying to completely remove it as well. its sooo hard. ima starting the think that it cant be done alone.
2007-12-17 04:06:24 · answer #10 · answered by jason D.C 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋