How far would you trust your instincts about someone you 'met' online?

Question

Just to play Devil's Advocate here.

'Meeting' at first through email, then IM, and moving on to telephone conversations, at what point, if any, would you rely on your instincts about a someone you meet online?

Do you think older people tend to do less 'game playing' than younger people?

While bearing in mind that anyone can hide behind a computer, meeting someone in a pub or other public place for the first time is not much different, is it?

You still have to rely on what they tell you about themselves as being the truth, even with the benefit of 'reading' facial expression and body language.

If you did follow your instincts, did you find you were way off the mark when you actually met?

Or was there a point where your instincts told you something was wrong, and you later found out you were right?

And, finally, did you trust your instincts and find you were right to do so?

Just to clarify, for those worried about my safety, I'm asking, as a few members of a forum I belong to have 'got together' over the years, one couple living in seperate countries, so wondered how large a part instinct plays in these situations!

Answer 1

1. Instincts can always be wrong, never FULLY rely on just instinct. Always seek outside advice from a family member or trusted friend.

2. No, older people do just as much game playing as kids. In all my years of chatting online I've met adults that are in many cases ten times worse than kids. Adults will generally carry things alot farther than kids. Kids usually do it just to be mean or try to prove their superiority, adults usually have an agenda behind whatever game they're playing.

3. It is VERY different to meet someone in a pub or public places compared to a computer. There are so many different factors it's not even funny. If you meet Joe Blow over the internet and he tells you he looks like Antonio Banderez and then you meet him and he looks like the fat guy that sleep on the couch in half baked that wouldn't be very nice. However had you met this fellow in person in the pub, you probably would've decided right off that he resembled the fat guy on the couch in half baked. Not to mention chemistry is different in person than online, for most people it's easier chatting online than in person. Sometimes when you meet friends from online in real life it can be a horrible experience because you find you don't really click in real life, but you still click over the internet.

4. I met my husband online, but like I said I never purely relied on instinct. I talked to his mother before I met him, and he also talked to my family members. It wasn't just us getting to know each other, but our families getting to know the other as well.

5. In many cases when you are dealing with someone who is evasive, TOO vague about who and what they are, or people who sensationalize their lives because their real ones are pretty boring, or people who just flat out tell huge lies all the time you'll usually get a gut feeling. It's the ones that you don't have a gut feeling about that you should worry over. You know the liars are liars and the evasive ones are evasive, but what about that guy that seems just a little too perfect?

6. I trusted my instincts and the advice of a few friends before I met my husband, and he's a wonderful man. But, not all such stories are happily ever after stories. Instincts have been known to be wrong, and people have been known to be hurt or killed because of them being wrong.

Answer 2

There are lots of ways that lines can be crossed with on-line meetings and you've highlighted some. I've had a few and they really have varied quite considerably.

One was a woman who told me she was 42 and curvy but cuddly and turned out to be 57 and a size 20! One was a real cracker, but slightly out of her head. One was absolutely fine and we had a good relationship. Another was also fine, but thought me too old for her; we have a very good frienship and contact each other at least once a week by msn. Quite a few I have had a good relationship with by e-mail and msn, but have twigged that something wasn't right when talking on the phone.

Overall I can say that my instincts have been fairly good and only once really let down (the first case). Who said that "game playing" was solely for young people? I reckon there are quite a few people between 40 and 60 doing it and with fun.

Answer 3

Strangers will be strangers until you get to meet them in person and be friends with them for the longest time. No one should be too trusting. We are all aware that hiding behind a computer can be so deceiving. Words either give out the truth or they lie.

Instincts work the same way too. Sometimes, it turns out right or the other way around. But you know that...... or don't you?

Answer 4

Its a tough call to make.
I think it depends where online you met them, for example I have friends from a message board and also what you talk about.
I met my husband in a chat room and we chatted online for a while then on the phone and then decided to meet up, in a public place, and there was an instant attraction.
But so many go the other way don't they.
I think you just have to be sensible about these things. Don't keep it secret and let your friends and family know about it.
And if you are considering meeting up with someone you met online maksure someone knows where you going or goes with you, and keep it public.

Answer 5

I would play it safe and trust my instincts, they haven't let me down before and I just didn't trust them, and realised I should have.

If you do want to meet someone face-to-face, do it in a public place with lots of people around, and an escape route if he turns out to be not what you are looking for.

Answer 6

Go with your gut feeling. listen to what your heart is telling you about this person. any way go to the first meeting with an escort ,a friend or a relative. if posible ask for their picture before any thing else.l have always gone with my instinct and it,s always worked. good luck.

Answer 7

instincts dont have nothing to with it !!
its true you never really know who you are talking to , until you meet the person, in reality ....

Answer 8

well it all about gut feeling and if you do meet some one please meet them at a public place so that we wont see you on the news

Answer 9

Personally, my gut has never lied to me. Trust the gut. If it says run, then you run!

Answer 10

strangers are just friends we havnt met yet..

but go with your instincts...